An Old Favorite Recipe

  Here is an old blog post I found with one of my favorite recipes! This sounds so good right now! :) Enjoy! 

    Cooking on a budget while continuing to send those taste buds into a flavor coma starts with the basics and ends with creative combinations! Since moving into our new home, we have been able to do our own grocery shopping and cooking again. Part of my most recent conviction is to cook healthy, well balanced meals while staying within a strict budget. Unfortunately in todays economy, eating healthy clean foods is not a budget conscious endeavor. You can buy a big package of Ramon noodles for the price of an orange. It has been an interesting year of learning what kinds of staples are wise and healthy options and understanding how to make several meals from a few staples. 

                I love expressing myself creatively in any way that I can. Over the last few years I began experimenting with cooking; creating original dishes that burst with flavor, leading to a symphony of harmonious savor. The most recent concoction my husband and I attempted was a pasta dish marinated in an alfredo based sauce, with shrimp, fresh garlic, spinach, artichokes and *cherry tomatoes. I loved the simplicity of this dish while yet being pleasantly surprised by the rich bursting flavor that met our taste buds with genuine enthusiasm. 

 We have discovered that pasta is a fabulous and inexpensive staple that is very filling in small portions, so it can go a long way. We love spinach and artichoke dip (the inspiration for this entree), therefore because spinach has so many great vitamins I've been trying to find ways to incorporate it in our meals. A cheese based sauce with spinach and artichokes and fresh garlic was a great inexpensive way to add a little zest to our meal. I really wanted to experiment with different meats outside of our typical chicken breasts and ground beef meals. So I decided to try shrimp. I was really surprised to discover how inexpensive a bag of cooked frozen shrimp ended up being. We didn't even use half of the 1lb. bag I bought for this meal. 

Over all I am learning that there are very simple inexpensive ways to dress up a meal and add a little excitement to our pallets. I want to be excited to cook while still learning how to plan our menus wisely and effectively. What are some of your favorite family dishes that have been easy and inexpensive? What are your families favorite staples?

Spinach and Artichoke Alfredo Fettuccine

1/2 lb. whole wheat fettuccine pasta   

1/3 a small bag of frozen spinach

1/2 16oz. can of artichoke hearts chopped

1 to 2 cloves of garlic minced

1/2 lb. frozen cooked shrimp

16 oz. jar of alfredo sauce or homemade sauce if you prefer

*we weren't fond of the cherry tomatoes, however if you like tomatoes we cut them up in quarters and let them sweat in a hot skillet after sautéing the vegetables and shrimp. 

Boil water with olive oil and a pinch of salt for pasta. Meanwhile prepare garlic and artichokes and sauté in olive oil with frozen spinach. Cook pasta when water is boiling. Add the shrimp and let warm through completely. Add the alfredo sauce to veggies and meat and let simmer for 10 to 15 min. Pour over cooked pasta.

We served it with fresh herbed bread and olive oil and parmesan cheese to dip. 

Enjoy! Share it with your family and friends! 

Love,

Leah

A Word From the Husband- Fatherhood

I was planning on using some fancy quote here that could sum up the meaning of Fatherhood. Honestly though, I doubt there is such a quote that could really accomplish that accurately. I will, however, do my best to describe to you how I feel being a father. 

When I first held Charlie in my arms, I thought to myself, “There’s no way this little thing is mine.” I couldn’t stop smiling. This little bundle of joy was finally in this world, breathing the air I’m breathing, hearing the sounds I’m hearing. I knew as soon as I saw her, that I would do anything to protect her from the harms of this world. I swore to myself, sealed by the tears that fell from my eyes (I will never admit to that if you ask me) that I will love and cherish her like God loves and cherishes his people.

I’m sure Leah can tell this more accurately, but when we brought her home, I really thought I was going to be able to play with this little thing like I played with all my other siblings. I was ready to have imaginary tea parties with her, and slay imaginary dragons, her being the princess of course. But that’s kind of hard to do with a newborn sack of potatoes. That thought hit me when I realized that all she’s going to do for the next forever is eat, sleep, poop, and cry in that order.

So here I am, not quite knowing what to do with this thing, next to an amazing woman who seems to know everything there is to know about being a parent. I was at a loss. All I could do was hold her when she cried; just feeling frustration because I didn’t know why she was crying and all I wanted to do was fix whatever was causing her to cry. Already I was feeling incompetent as a father. I look back now and realize just how ridiculous that was, but I guess its part of growing and learning.

A good friend of ours told us once that he read something somewhere, probably Reddit knowing him, that every time a baby cries, it’s probably because whatever they just experienced was for the first time. With that experience being the first time, it was probably the most terrifying thing they’ve ever known, being the first time and all. Totally makes sense though if you think about it. Everything that we experience as adults for the first time can be terrifying, granted we don’t scream and cry (well most of us don’t).

So with that explained to me, and my wife being patient and understanding, I feel I’m finally at a place where I can handle her crying without feeling like I need to fix something. You all probably think I’m stupid, getting so worked up by my baby’s crying, but unless you have a child of your own, you’ve got not a clue. 

Now we’re at about ten months, and every day is a new adventure with her. She loves to play with all her toys now, like she actually has an opinion on things. I feel like my place as a father is becoming more defined. I feel like I have a purpose, to help instruct and guide my family as I’m commanded. The more I watch her, the more I’m sure that being a father is probably the coolest thing. Way cooler then jumping out of helicopters, or shooting bazookas, or sword fighting ninjas, and most especially having a beard. 

These times are definitely challenging with her, and I pray that God can give me the patience and the strength that I need to be the best father that I can be. I realize that nothing I can write can really describe how I’m feeling, and everything I did write did no justice to the title of Father. So I’ll just stop trying to describe, knowing that I successfully took at least five minutes of your life that you will never get back. Mission accomplished. 

Simplifying & Minimizing Project- $aving My Wardrobe

Hi Everyone,

         So as we have been taking this journey through simplifying our thoughts and lifestyle to ultimately draw us closer in our walk with the Lord and as a family, we have been working through different ways we can be more financially aware and smart. Our goal is to spend as little as possible on things we don't need, that don't help our relationship with God, our family, or the body of Christ and that doesn't give to those in need. We want the way we spend our money to reflect the idea that while we work and earn, this money is the Lords- How can we best use this to take care of our needs and the needs of the body of Christ. You can read more about our thoughts here: Simplifying and Minimizing Part 2

       I've recently picked up the book Gods At War- Kyle Idleman. This is a wonderful book that has really helped me put together pieces of what our goal has actually been. His book is about defeating the idols that battle for our hearts. There are so many areas in our lives that we have created false gods taking away from our devotion and worship to the true God. As I read Kyle's book it hit me that while we are saying we are trying to minimize and simplify our lives, we are really trying to dethrone the idols sitting on our heart and in our lives. We are trying to make more of us for God and less room for other idols to sneak in steal away what is rightfully Gods. The truth is; idols are everywhere, hidden and masqueraded in the everyday patterns of thought and lifestyle deceptively embezzling more and more of our hearts away under our very noses.

     On that thought, an area I have realized that I struggle with has been my wardrobe. Simply put- I love clothes. I love feeling put together and lovely. I enjoy looking and shopping and putting things on my wish list*. I like it so much that sometimes I'll catch myself longing for things I don't need and spend countless hours looking through catalogs (websites), and window shopping.

Two words:
       
   1. Coveting
           &
   2. Idolizing

  So obviously something needed to change.

*(Which is really my list of things I would love to have someday, but I know will never and should never become a reality)

     
       So after browsing through Pinterest one day I came across a list someone had put together of clothing essentials and how they put together a full wardrobe with a minimalist approach.

....Yup, genius.

     I realized that if I had a list of the kind of clothes I owned and limited myself to how many, what kinds, and made some rules to shopping it would force me to starting thinking of clothes more like a need versus a luxury. That doesn't mean it is wrong to look nice or put together, just that I needed to change my relationship towards my wardrobe.

 I say that because I had a mini melt down when I thought that by minimizing my closet and what I spent on clothes I would never have anything I liked. But thanks to my husband, he helped me see that I can still get clothes I like within a parameter and a specified budget.


   So I put together my list. It was a simple list that had essentials that would get me through all four seasons comfortably. I came up with a few rules or I should say guidelines to help me have a functioning wardrobe.

1. I am not to buy anything full price unless I couldn't find it discounted or used first.
2. All shirts have to match or go with at least 3 bottoms
3. All pants have to match or go with at least 4 shirts
4. Dresses and Skirts have to be modest in length
5. I am not to something that is not on my list just because it is on sale
6. I have to stay within the budget decided on
7. I can only replace things if they tear, stain, or if they no longer fit

     For this past summer as I've been loosing my baby fat and kind of in-between sizes, this worked well, and I choose not to buy much because I knew I was loosing weight and would need the next size down soon. So I got just enough to get me through the summer, but as fall has caught up with us and I've lost much more weight it became painfully clear that I NEEDED clothes. Between my previous four year old wardrobe and my new distribution of weight, I really didn't have many clothes anymore. So out came my list and my project began: $aving My Wardrobe 

      I created a list of exactly what and how many items I would need, from bras to boots. When I say I needed a whole new wardrobe, I mean pretty close to literally. After I looked over my list and realized how little I actually had in my closet that fit and wasn't stained or hole filled, my stomach did major flip flops-there was no way I could get everything I needed for a low enough cost.

   I decided to go online at Old Navy and Amazon to get the lowest prices I could find on all of the items. I literally almost threw up when I added the total: $750.00. I think I rechecked and re-totaled a good five or six times hoping the number would go down. There was no way I could rationalize spending money like that on clothes.

   Here was the hard part: Where could I go to get what I needed while saving as much as I could?

The Answer:

       Salvation Army
 
   So on Wednesday afternoon (half off all but green tags day), with my list and a prayer I set out. Three hours later, I walked away with 24 of the 30 items on my list for a grand total of $40. Most were name brand, quality clothing- all fit in my list, worked with my rules, and I loved. The remaining items I knew I would have to spend a little more on but at least the bulk of it was taken care of. Bras, shoes (only because I have absurdly tiny feet and I never find my size anywhere), under cami's and socks where some things I was already prepared to buy at a little higher cost than the $.50 I was spending on some of my shirts. In the end, after a lot of research and looking for great deals I got everything I needed for a fairly complete wardrobe for less than half the estimated cost. My total came into just over $250.00, which my babysitting money covered entirely.

My husband was very happy. :)

I even found a pair of Toms winter shoes at discount! Which is a huge deal, because Toms are one of the only brands of shoes that fit me and don't hurt my feet! I ended up going to Salvation Army, Good Will (where I really didn't find much this time, though normally I have good luck there), Forever 21(Cami's for $1.90 a piece, and a Navy Cardigan for $8.80), Zulily, and Ebay.
 
In the end, I have what I need, I like what I have, and I don't have any guilt over the amount I had to spend on it. Maintaining my wardrobe from here on out won't be an issue as long as I stick to my guidelines and don't allow my love of clothes to grow into an unhealthy relationship again.

               Project = SUCESS

So there is my story, if you want to see my list just let me know and I'll be happy to share it with you.

Love,
Leah

Fevers, Tennessee, and Lot's and Lot's of Prayer

                   
                  It's been a while, I know. I'm really terrible about writing in the midst of stress and pandemonium. It's like "Hey, I'm going to write." So I set up my lap top after the baby goes down, determined to relive the nervous apprehension eating away at my sanity. With coffee in hand I finally sit down with a purpose and a pre composed  draft I'd just passionately and eloquently rehearsed verbally while bouncing the baby on my hip and wrapping up a soiled diaper. 'It is perfect,' I think to myself. It'll be a synch, just like a stitch in the quilt- quick, simple, with intent to hold me together just a little longer.

             But I always find when I actually sit down and put hand to key board, all of the passion fades away like the sun in the horizon on a cloudy day. ( I don't even know if that made sense, but I think you get my point.)  Long story short, I end up staring at a white screen for a good hour or so, typing and undoing the same sentence over and over. I'm at a loss for words. Point comes to blank- I don't know how to write about what I'm going through or dealing with right now because I can't fully comprehend it myself. The honest truth is that I'm just trying to get through each day on a prayer and I'm attempting to leave the rest in God's hands. I'm learning that sometimes there aren't answers to questions of uncertainty- Sometime I just have to wait and see what God's going to do and accept when His plans don't meet mine.


             So... If you haven't caught the drift yet- Life is hard sometime. The hardest part about it, for me in particular, is not knowing what I'm up against or what to expect. I don't have the words all perfectly pre-constructed to give you a clear concise picture of where we are, so I'm just going to try my best and let you in on what's been going on. :) So please bear graciously with my through this.   There have been three main things in the last few weeks that have filled our days with unknown mysteries.

                   1. We might be moving to Tennessee.  

       .... Yes Tennessee. (I almost forgot Tennessee was a USA state before my parents mentioned it) With my whole family. Long story short, my seizures aren't getting better so I have to stay near to my family so I can get the help I need with Charlotte and getting around. Longer story short, my family (and Alex and I) would greatly benefit moving to the Gatlinburg area of Tennessee due to: lower expense, more and better job opportunities, different social environment, GREAT hospitals, and lots of other reasons. The only hiccup in this ongoing invention is that we have to sell our house first.  The great part of this plan is that God is in control. Sooo....If He wants us to move our house will sell, and if He wants us to stay here...then I guess our house won't sell and we will stay here.

        Alex, I and my parents did take a trip down a couple weeks ago to check out the area, and we pretty much fell in love. I really can't explain it better. It's one of those, "You have to see it, to understand it." kind of things. For Alex I know it reminded him of his home in Colorado where he grew up. There were many warm fuzzy feelings experienced in those few days. I think...nope, I know we really hope that God is leading us out there, but I also know that I can trust God no matter what happens in the next few months. For who knows the plans of the Lord? I just don't like this whole, who knows whats going to happen thing.

       
         2. Charlotte has been really sick off and on, and we don't know what it is.

        It breaks my heart in a million, and then some, pieces. There is nothing like seeing your child hurting and sick and not being able to do anything to help it, or to know what is causing it. She has been struggling with low grade-very high fevers since she was 2 months old. She on a good week she'll only have maybe four low grade fevers, and be slightly fussy- however, on bad weeks she can have low to mid grade fevers (sometimes really high fevers) for days non-stop and be utterly miserable and uncomfortable and the doctors can't figure out why. They have ruled out: teething, colic, acid reflux, several kinds of cancer, infections, viral illnesses, septic hips, ect.. In doing blood work (which is a grueling procedure that has lasted to the upwards of three or so hours to get enough of a sample to test) we have found that her white blood cell count is low. The last time we took her blood, her count had gone up slightly but not enough that it was back where it should be. The other strange symptom has been a phantom pain in her left side/leg, always followed by a fever of 100.1 or more.

       She has seen a hematologist/oncologist (blood and cancer specialist), and a pediatric orthopedic. The verdict has been to continue redoing blood work so we can follow her white blood cell count, and if the pain in her leg/side continues to come back and her cell count is still low, we will have to do a bone scan. It is so sad and frustrating to be playing this waiting game and honestly exhausting, both emotionally and physically. She is such a happy baby, even in spite of everything. She can have a fever of 103 with an IV in the hospital and she will still smile and giggle for us. Even when she is cranky and unwell, while obviously uncomfortable she won't let it put a frown on her face.

         We are waiting to have blood work done again in the next week, and then we will be talking with the doctors once again. We just have to keep praying and trust that God knows what is going on, and that He is ultimately in control. No one ever said that was easy though.

         3. My seizures and anxiety attacks.

    Obviously things are a little chaotic. That makes sense. What doesn't make sense is that nothing we do or have tried has helped my seizure in the least. I'm having episodes regularly every other day or so, often several times in a day. They are very painful, sometimes scary, sometimes incredibly embarrassing, and always a pain in my butt. Sometimes I just want to stomp my foot and scream for a good while in pure exasperation.

     I think the hardest part of dealing with this, is that I have lost hope for ever getting better and I feel like I'm constantly letting my husband, daughter and family down. I know that not a soul holds it against me, but I know that it is super inconvenient some days. It is so frustrating that I have to rely on other people for simple things, that I have to live with my family, that sometime I can't let my husband sleep when he really needs it because my body is a freak of nature. I am carrying so much guilt. I know that I don't need to, and I'm trying really hard not to, but, well...it's really hard. (Note: My husband is super wonderful and supportive to me through all of this and never does or says anything to make me feel bad about it. I really couldn't have asked for a more understanding and encouraging husband and best friend. Having him by my side really does help ease the struggle.)

      I really don't want to fully accept the idea that I may never overcome these. But in any case, God may be asking me to do just that. We are starting to ask questions like, 'if this is going to be a lifestyle how can we make this work for us, and what are things we can do to help.' One of our ideas has been to look into getting a puppy to train and certify as a seizure alert, and aid dog. We aren't anticipating that a puppy will solve everything, but possibly give me a little independence and security when I'm out in public, and may help therapeutically relieve stress and anxiety. We are also starting to think and figure out in what ways we can make this work for us so that we can someday live on our own.

(As much as I love my family, it is really difficult living among them everyday all the time, without a separate living space of our own. They can be...well, like Wolfes; a hyper, howling, hungry pack of chaos.  I might have an ulcer from trying to keep people quiet while praying the baby can sleep through the laughter, stomping, running and yelling.) *** Dear Family, if you are reading this, please know that you are truly wonderful and I have been so grateful for your help and support and the love and kindness you have given us, but lets face it, you guys can be a little crazy. ;) I love you!


       So long story-stories short, it's been kind of an overwhelming several weeks. With upcoming changes (maybe, hopefully), unknown illnesses, and dealing with my health, it's left me a little tired and worn. I'm continually reminded that trusting God isn't a one time commitment,  it is really an ongoing, every day, every time I want to cry choice. 'Will I trust You? Even though I don't know what is going to happen, will I trust You? Even if things don't go my way, Will I trust You?' I'm really walking a life-time journey of choosing God and bringing Him my worries and fears daily, moment by moment.

       So if I'm not writing a lot lately, you can bet I'm either changing diapers, trying to sleeping, or sitting on my bed room floor with my bible, praying that God will help me choose to trust Him. So thanks for your patience...even though you pretty much didn't have a choice. ;)



End of Post.

I hope that wasn't too unbearable
.

Love,
Leah

A Word From the Husband-

A few words from the husband- Alex Jaffrey


              When Leah asked me to write for her blog I was flattered. She is one of the most gifted writers I know, anyone who wants to argue with me about that can fight me ;) . But there was also a little fear. I haven’t written in quite some time. I’ll be honest, it feels good. It feels as if I’m reacquainting myself with a long lost friend, one that I’ve shared my deepest feelings and dreams with. And then I get to this point of where I’m like, “Now what? What do I write about?” So here goes nothing.

               In the beginning, our marriage was one of the most magical and blissful things I’ve ever experienced. It was like I had been walking through life with only one shoe, all the while searching everywhere for another that would fit perfectly. The relief to finally find that shoe, (I can feel the stare I’m getting from my wife for comparing her to a lost shoe) was so incredible and debilitating that my body shut down into a bliss coma. Nothing else mattered after those vows were said. It was me and her, officially, against the world. I would have no other on my team. 

              Our first prayer said together as a married couple was merely asking God to challenge our lives, to show to others how great and magnificent He was through our trials and tribulations. Seems simple enough right? I mean we both knew that we would be tested and tried time and time again by Him- that’s kind of the basis to Faith. How little we knew then. If I had a time machine, part of me believes I’d go back and shove a sock in my mouth to prevent me uttering those words. But honestly, I wouldn’t change a thing that’s happened.

              If you guys have followed Leah’s blogs from the beginning, then you know pretty much how hard it has been. Between losing babies, getting sick, her having seizures, me working a lot, our precious baby being sick, and me being injured has led me to think that God truly does answer prayers. There is no other way to explain everything that has happened in the past two years. As hard as everything was and has been, it seems to be getting easier.

            In the beginning, heck even now, I struggled with the whole mentality of being a bachelor. It’s hard to finally live with a partner when you’ve been living on your own. I thank God every day that my lovely and beautiful wife hasn’t killed me yet. It’s taken countless arguments and tears being shed to make me realize and truly change. But that’s the beautiful thing about love and marriage, it’s all about forgiveness and the desire to bless your partner with everything you have to give. 

           It seems to me that without these trials that we have experienced, we would still be those young kids that see the world as young kids do. I definitely feel like we have grown stronger. Two years sure doesn’t seem like a long time to most people, but it’s felt like ten to me (in a good way). I’m really not sure where I’m going with this, other than to possibly encourage anyone who is reading my rambling that no matter what happens, or how hard it gets there’s always light at the end of the tunnel. If you are struggling with something or someone, just know that it is a season. God gives us trials to temper and mold us into the children He designed. And if you don’t believe in Him, I’m sorry. I know hands down that without God, I would not have survived these past couple of years. 

          This isn’t me saying to you that you have to believe in God. I’m not forcing anything on you, I’m only stating that He has helped me to be who I am today, and I pray that He helps me every day for the rest of my life. So maybe next post that I have, assuming that Leah lets me post again, I can go into detail. This literally is the first time I’ve written more than a paragraph in like two years, so thanks for powering through it! And remember, if you didn’t know this already, beards are awesome. :)

-Alex J.

When A Prayer is All I Can Say

              

               

                  You are good to me, my sweet, sweet, Lord

                  You are good to me, my sweet, sweet, Lord

                 You are good to me, my sweet, sweet Lord

               You are so good to me.

Dear Jesus,

 It is me again.
 I know I've been quiet the last few days. I know that I haven't been coming to you. I know I am struggling to find peace and joy.
I'm hurting.
I'm lost.
I feel tired,
broken,
and scared to face the days yet to come.

While my heart does't always understand why this walk after You has to be so hard, I know in my head that these trials are only for a time and You are trying me with fire to purge me and draw me to You.
Encourage my heart Lord, because right now I don't know if I have the strength to go on.

These last few months have been so long and so hard.
Physically, emotionally and spiritually You try me.

I have tried everything I can think of to help get rid of these seizures, but the pain and immobilizing spasms rake over my body again and again. My body betrays me and leaves me in want for help to get around on my own, care for my own daughter, and manage simple every day functions. People don't understand how much they hurt. I have become a commanding officer to my own flesh.

"MOVE." I shout
"Someone is talking to you, HEAR them."
"You foolish tongue, when I want you to be quiet you speak, but when you need to speak you struggle to form a single word. SPEAK"
"Just one more minute! You can do it! Keep walking! Get your baby somewhere safe!"
"WAKE UP! You cannot sleep now!"

Every fiber in my being aches and throbs.
I am embarrassed at the foolish emotional distress that takes over and confuses my mind.
 I am ashamed at the inability to force myself to move or think clearly at times.

Sometimes I can't talk, or see, or hear.
Sometimes I can't move
Sometimes I can't understand
Sometimes I sound like a child in a fairytale land

These seizures are taking over my life. What if I'm never healed? What if I have to live with this for the rest of my life? I don't know if I can do this.

Jesus, what is more, now I can't even have another baby?
Why?
All my life the only thing I ever wanted was to be a mother to lots of children. I loved being pregnant in spite of the complications. Why did you have to take this away from me? I'm only twenty years old. How can this part of my life already be over?

Then we learn that something is wrong with the one baby we do have.
She is sick.
We don't know what is wrong.
Fevers,
Pain,
and discomfort continue to plage her.
There is nothing we can do to help her except to continue testing and trusting that You are in control.
No matter what.

On top of all of that, Alex continues to get sick and hurt.

And we cannot get on top of our finances.

....
....
....



You are so good to me.

You give me
Peace
Hope
Grace
Mercy,
 and You give me Joy

There is nothing in this world that can take me out of Your hands.

 Pain,
Heartbreak,
Uncertainty,
Physical brokenness,
and Limitations
are all momentary.

There is nothing in this world that means as much to mean as having a living relationship with You. There is nothing in this world I would want in Your stead.

If I have to live the rest of my life with seizures- You are good to me.
If I never have another child- You are good to me.
If I loose my child or she becomes very ill- You are good to me.
If my husband always struggles with health and wellness- You are good to me.
If we will live our days in financial distress- You are good to me.
If we never go where we want to go or do what we want to do- You are good to me.

The truth is, I'd give up everything to know You more.

To see Your face, to behold Your glory through Your heavenly grace, I give my life and dreams.

My life isn't about living for me.
My life is about living for You.

What a sweet relief.

"You are good to me, my sweet, sweet Lord 
You are good to me, my sweet, sweet Lord 
You are good to me, my sweet, sweet Lord
You are so good to me." 

Thank you Jesus

Love,
Leah

The Jaffrey Family Simplifying and Minimizing Project: Part 3 - Entertainment and Time Managment

     
     

If you didn't get a chance to read about how we are taking stride with our finances you can read about it here: Simplifying and Minimizing Part 2

        Hi Everyone,
           So this next step Alex and I have been praying over and working through has been how we invest our time, energy and where we place our values. Entertainment has been a huge focus of that. We both have realized, simply by looking at our budget how easy it is to spend not just our money but also our time and thoughts on mindless, fun, entertainment. The greatest thing we have had to come to terms with is that though there may be nothing wrong with entertainment in itself, it has a deep grip on our hearts; distracting us, consuming us, and stealing our passion and focus away from God.

It is so easy to allow 'things' to become idols in our lives. Movies, books, and games are fun, relaxing and at times even stress relieving. While this is not evil or bad, we allow it to become more than a movie every once in a while. Suddenly there seems to be a need to constantly be entertained. Games and movies are coveted and so easy to sit in front of when we have some down time. In the past we have spent money on games and movies and other sources of entertainment even when we didn't really have the allowance for it. It had our hearts and minds wrapped around its finger. This is when we realized how deceptive and toxic entertainment can be for the Christian heart and mind-particularly for us.

American life promotes spending money and time and thoughts on entertainment. Sometimes it almost seems like people live and work to entertain themselves. As disciples of Christ, I know that is not the focus that God wants us to have in our lives. Turning on the TV shouldn't be our first thought when we have a moment of quiet, nor should vegging out on the couch with a game after work be our instinctual response. Our lives as believers should be an example of passionate pursuit after Christ, the Holy Spirit leading us and helping us, a hungry and ever deepening desire to worship and bring His light to the lost world.

We've had to ask ourselves honestly:

1. What do we find ourselves thinking about throughout the day?
2. What do I look forward to doing when I have down time?
3. What am I investing in via time and finances the most, outside of work?
4.  When I am praying or studying the word do I find myself distracted by other thoughts? What are they?
5. What do I find most satisfying in my day to day life?

I know for myself personally, but also for Alex that we were a little taken aback by the reality of our answers to these questions. For myself, I put a lot of time and thought into Facebook, Pinterest, certain TV shows, and decorating. I look forward to relaxing with my husband on the couch at the end of the day with our TV show or a movie. I find myself thinking about my daughter, husband, dreams and mindlessly surfing through Facebook or Pinterest. I do love spending time with the Lord and in my bible but often times when I sit down to spend some quiet time with the Lord I am so tired, weary, and disoriented that I couldn't understand what I was reading and I wasn't connecting with Him on any level. He wasn't my first thought, and often days and weeks would go by without opening my bible once and not more than a few words of prayer here and there. My passion for the Lord was entirely lacking. My focus was not on Him. There was too much else going on in my day to day life to make Him my first and foremost thought.

After talking with Alex I've started taking steps to simplify my life. I have taken Facebook off my phone and as soon as our contract is up, we are getting rid of our smart phones and down grading to a simple text and talk phone to cut out the distractions of games and social media at the touch of the screen. Alex and I are going to be combining our Facebook profiles into one family one so that we can still keep in touch with our out of state friends and family, while controlling the time we spend on it. I only get on Pinterest after I have spent time with the Lord and my family. Alex and I are also getting rid of Netflix and we are not starting a new TV show series, we will be controlling about much we watch movies too.

Alex has had like struggles, with TV and gaming in particular. So together we are asking and praying that God would help simplify our thoughts and focus in our daily life.



Our lives could be so simple. Work, eat, sleep, and serve the Lord with all our hearts. Lately its been more like: Work, eat, watch TV, change diapers, play games, check Facebook for the 10th time, and then sleep a little. God is showing us how desperately we need to refocus.

I love the following passages because they speak so clearly of the simplicity of a life serving the Lord and the effect that has on the people around them.

"Now all who believed were together, and had all things in common, and sold their possessions and goods, and divided them among all as anyone had need. So continuing daily with one accord in the temple, and breaking bread from house to house, they ate their food with gladness and simplicity of heart, praising God and having favor with all the people, and the Lord added to the church daily those who were being saved." -Acts 2:44-47

"Now the multitude of  those who believed were of one heart and one soul; neither did anyone say that any of the things he possessed was his own, but they had all things in common...Nor was there anyone among them who lacked; for all who were possessors of lands or houses sold them, and brought the proceeds of the things that were sold, and laid them at the apostles feet; and they distributed to each as anyone had need?" Acts 4:32,34-35

These passages predominately show the act of giving their own possessions for the church and instead living simply praising God. We want to has that same gladness and simplicity of heart. If things are going to take away from the relationship we can have with the Lord than I don't want any part of it!



What are areas in your life that you feel like you may want to refocus and simplify?

Our next step is to simply the way we eat and how we think about food and health. Keep an eye out for my next post!


Love,
Leah

The Jaffrey Family Simplifying and Minimizing Project: Part 2

           

        Last post I shared our vision and goal for our Simplifying and Minimizing Project, today I want to share a little bit on one of the main areas we are striving to make a change and how that is hopefully going to change the way we think and value things in our life. If you didn't get a chance to check out my last post, you can see it here: http://faithcanmovethemountain.blogspot.com/2014/07/the-jaffrey-family-simplifying-and.html

      What God is teaching us about Money:

        We live in America in a very entertainment driven society. The advertisements promoted everywhere via billboard, TV, internet and radio, self purposed individuals in our lives, and modern day living protagonists parade the idea and concept that we need things in our lives to be happy. Bigger is better, success is often evaluated biased off income, and the possession of things. There always seems to be more that the world is telling us we need: the latest in technology, bigger houses, better cars, new furniture, more movies, more games, the best in sport gear, the newest trend in the fashion industry, ect. It is so easy to get sucked into the concept that we need things to be happy, or even to survive. Alex and I have had to learn how to live on very little, but as soon as we start making a little more we often find that we still feel like we don't have money. We have found that subconsciously when our income increases so does our spending, often times on things we don't need and that don't have any substantial value. Why? How can we change that?

         We want the way we spend our money and deal with our finances to reflect the heart God and to have a simple purpose: survive and serve. Just because we may have money at some point in our lives does not mean that we should be out spending it on this and that, just to entertain ourselves and reward ourselves just because we could. Instead how can we best use the money God is giving us.

There are three main points that we have come to realize:

      1. God is our true provider, even though Alex works and brings money home God ultimately gives us what we need.  

     2. Any money we have is not our money-It is God’s. We need to ask at all times, “How would He have us use this?” 

    3. No matter how little or much we have financially we are responsible to budget and spend as wisely as we can. The money God provides us is not to blow on frivolous things that have no value or use, simply for the sake of entertaining ourselves. Even if we have a lot, we believe God would want us to  use what we need to take care of our family, but ultimately help His church and bring Glory to Him in every way that we can.

We've struggled with how to apply these to our daily lives and the tights simple budget we have right now. So we've come up with a list of 5 questions that have helped us so far and will hopefully continue to help us. 

     1. Do we need this?

     2. Will this help us? Our marriage? Our family? or the Church?

     3. Is there another more inexpensive, better quality or other option that would be wiser or meet our needs better?

     4. Will this help us save money, spend better in the long run or help us meet our financial goals?

     5. Would this purchase be dishonoring to God in anyway?

As we've prayed and thought over this we have taken a few steps to start spending wiser, and utilizing our purchases in addition to coming up with some saving goals and further purchases.  

One of the big changes we have made in the last month has been switching Charlotte over to clothe diapers. At first we were really hesitant about the change, worried that the mess would be really difficult to keep up with while sharing a laundry room with my parents, but we have been pleasantly surprised. I am rather in love with clothe diapering. By September we will be saving about $60 a month just from diapers. The mess is so easy to clean and Charlie seems to have less rashes with these versus regular. Plus they are super cute. :) 

Other ways we are saving is:

 1. Not having Cable, we spend about $7 a month for Netflix which has a large variety of shows and movies for the family. 

2. Shopping thrift stores for clothes as much as we can, especially on half off days.

3. Not renting movies very often and not going to the movies, rather waiting for them to come out, or going to the $5 bin at Walmart.

4. Making treats and a lot of food at home- eating out less and making things from scratch. (We are eating out of the house a little more than we want to right now, just as an excuse to get out and away from the family for a little bit, but even still we try to be very aware of how much we are spending.)

5. Allowing ourselves a small amount a month for dates and little treats for each other. This has made a huge difference because we know what we can spend, and we are not as tempted to splurge outside of our budget!

6. Making it a game to see who can find things to do as a family that doesn't cost anything or much at all.

7. We make a lot of Charlottes food from scratch too which helps.

  We are learning how to be creative and to make the most of what we have. The tricky part will be to continue doing that if and when we start making a little more money. So here is too simplifying our budget and trying to change the way we think about spending and the thing we think we need.

God Obviously Has it in His Hands

       So we are still at my parent house...and still not sure where God is leading us. The goals we have set and revised again and again are still just as far away as they were several months ago and so we sit and wait wondering what we are supposed to be doing. We've had an agenda that hasn't been met. Some of our realistic goals for us have been:

            1. To become more involved in our church and the body of Christ - This due to my seizures, our seven month old baby, and Alex's work schedule we are excited if we can make it to one service a week
           2. Working hard at work to work up in the company so we can be providing for our family and working towards a better future- While Alex is working very hard, he was knowingly, wrongfully accused for stealing therefor preventing any chance of moving up in the company or into a career with this job

        3. Make enough to be faithfully giving tithe, pay all our remaining debt off, and get into an apartment we can afford, and provide for all the needs of our family, like glasses, getting wisdom teeth removed and so on - With extra unanticipated expenses coming out of the blue (as it does with life) we are further behind than we where hoping we would be.

        4. Get our own apartment - Between not being quiet financially there yet, and not being able to find a decent place available in a safe and affordable home.

       5. Finding relief and healing from my seizures - While I went through a short break from having seizures, they have come back and pelage me almost daily and it seems that nothing we try works.


          Between all of this we struggle knowing that God has a plan and His own timing but also feeling lost and hopeless. We finally feel like we are getting on top of things and moving forward only to feel just as lost and confused only weeks later. I find myself praying, "What do you want Lord? We are trying with everything in us to do what is glorifying You and whats we need to do for our family, but everything continues to fall apart. We are failing at everything we set our hands and mind to! What more can we possibly do?" - and then the quiet stillness steals away my breathless cries, and in the peaceful warmth a silent whisper grips my heart, 'I have a bigger plan, and I will always have you in my hands. Trust me. Let Me lead you. Let me have your lives. Every area of it.'

         The reality has become that the harder we try, even when we think we are doing what God wants us to do, He ultimately has it in His hands. Whether we work our hearts out, God may still have another direction He wants to take us, and we have to be patient, willing, and allow faith to carry us through this. Everything comes with a season. Right now, we have to keep trying to do our best and trust God with the rest, even if is feels like in the moment everything is falling apart around us.

     The question is, can we find peace and hope even in continuos moments of uncertainty? Can we still live every moment of our lives out serving God with everything we have, even if it isn't where we want to be?  I think if we continue to pray and let the Holy Spirit lead us, we will find the deepest joy even in these times. I know that throughout the last several months, even though we've been fighting for an answer and direction, we've also drawn closer to God and each other and have found joy, peace, and hope in it. We just have to keep trusting.

       

Finally here are so pictures of major cuteness!




Love,
Leah

The Jaffrey Family Simplifying and Minimizing Project: Part 1

                In my last post, I shared a little about what God is teaching us and showing us that our lives need to reflect and how we are to live. If you didn't get a chance to read it check it out here: http://faithcanmovethemountain.blogspot.com/2014/07/simplifying-when-less-is-more.html.

             In the last few weeks after much discussion, prayer and searching of the scriptures, we have officially begun 'The Jaffrey Family Simplifying and Minimizing Project'.

Our Goal: Part 1. The Vision & Goal

          Our family goal is to simplify and minimize our lives in as many areas as possible in order to bring our focus to Christ and raising our children with as few distractions as possible. This includes the things we own, what we use, how and what we eat, how and what we spend our money on and what we prioritize and value as a family.

        The idea behind simplifying is to get the distractions from everyday life out of our way. Media, the world, the idea and drive for entertainment and focus on having fun is slowly destroying our walk with Christ  individually and as a church and a body. We don’t want our hearts and eyes being drawn to or to be held captive by the things of this world anymore or in the future. So the first step in this process as a family it to start weeding out the things in our lives that take our thoughts and focus away from Christ and our family. 

         This is going to be a process and a journey: the first step is identifying the problems, the second step is to pray and ask God for a solution, and the third is to walk and live out the solution with the constant help and guidance of the Holy Spirit. In all of this recognizing that He alone can help us walk this kind of lifestyle for the sake of our walk with Him. 

          As we go and discover what is pulling us away or distracting us from God we have to honestly ask ourselves if we are willing to let go and put that detraction away from us for the sake of our relationship with God and our family. If media, games, movies, TV, even some books or relationship are pulling us away by any means from the walk and relationship we could have and need to have with God, then are we willing to part with it? If we hesitate it is a pretty good sign that maybe it is a little too important to us. We need to find ways as a family to force ourselves to rise above the modern day world and to live the simplest life we can by eliminating and controlling our  distractions.

Our first step in identifying our distractions and the chaos in our lives has been to ask ourselves the following questions:

Questions to Ask Ourselves As We Go: 

1. Do I find myself thinking about this throughout the day? 
2. Does it draw my attention and thoughts towards God or my family?

3. Does this honor or bring Glory to God?

4. Is this helping my relationship with God, my family, the church, or the lost and needy?
5. Is this edifying me, my family, the body, or drawing others to Christ?
6. Does this have any value spiritually?
7. Is this a want or a true need?
8. Does this reflect the heart and attitude of Christ?

        Honestly answering these questions has really opened our eyes to how many areas in our lives have been drawing us away from our relationship with God, each other and the body of Christ. Everyday things,that have become a part of our lives have been slowly destroying our vision and passion for Jesus.  The three biggest struggles that we are up against is how and what we spend our money on (and most importantly the way we think about it),  the way we spend our time and entertainment, and how we eat and what we think about food.  While there are many more areas we will be working on but these three are the first areas we are going to start working on as a family.

          After just a few weeks, it has become painfully apparent that this is going to be a forever, ongoing lifestyle commitment that only God can work in us. We will always be learning and hopefully growing through this, and in the end we pray that our walk with the Lord will grow, deepen and continue to be a living passion in our steps. I'm just glad He is a patient God, because this is not going to be easy!


More to come on our project soon!

(Please pray for us! ;) We are going to need it!)

Love,
Leah

Simplifying-When Less is More

               It has become painfully clear to me in the last few months that life holds hands with chaos, is attached at the hip with distractions, and has become best friends with the world. Long story short: life and modern day living distract and pull our heart, thoughts, and priorities away from Christ. This is our story- the one where we are constantly struggling against modern day mindsets and influences, while striving and seeking a life of devoted discipleship to Christ. It is hard and impossible, apart from the power of God and the Holy Spirit. As Alex and I have wondered through the last few months praying for direction, one thing has become painfully clear: Life is not about having the perfect house with a white picket fence and a swimming pool, or having a stand-up successful career that makes your parents proud and your friends jealous, or knowing exactly where you are leading your family and in what ways you will achieve success. He is showing us little by little, that our one and only priority and focus should be living to serve Him and His people, loving Him and His people, and sharing the good news with the world.

              This is not new news to us. In fact this is what we've set out to do since accepting Christ as our Savior. However, actually living like this and not allowing the worldly concepts and ideals for our lives to deceive and distract us is so much harder than it seems. It is so easy to get sucked into the mindset and chaos of the world, falling into the trap of believing we need more...more everything. This is what has happened to us the last few months, maybe even years. We have lost sight of what our lives are about and how God calls us to live. This has resulted in depression, ungratefulness, desire for control, stress, and so much more. It is a poison that seeks to destroy our very souls.

           Living for Christ is simple (not easy, just simple). Therefore should not our lives be simple? We have started asking ourselves, 'what things like our mindsets and ideals distract us from our objective of giving all we have for Christ?' One thing we have had to realize, is that just because something may not be evil in and of itself, that does not mean that it is bringing us closer to Christ, it may be what is drawing us away from Him. We don't want Life to be pulling us away from God. We want our lives to be simple and our out-look and goals to be simple. Serving God will all our hearts in everything we do, investing in our children, church and the people God puts in our paths, doing what we can to provide without being obsessed with having the 'perfect' and successful career, rather putting our heart and soul and as much time as we can into serving God in whatever ways He makes available to us.

         We are responsible to teach our children what it means to be disciples and to show that what that looks like. We are their examples. This is a perfect time in our lives to start weeding out things that don't draw us to Christ- putting away the thoughts, and things that distracts us from Him. This means reevaluating our goals, how we spend our money, where we invest our time, and the things we allow to entertain and influence our lives. It is time to start cutting down, cutting out, and taking a step out in faith-allowing God to lead our lives and take first place in our hearts.

  So here we are, back tracking and taking a step back. I wonder where God will lead us from here.

Love,
Leah

             

Learning to be a Wife- My poor Husband

           

While We Wait

        Yes, we are still living with my parents, and it is true that we still aren't sure what we are going to do. For the first time in a long time we are being given the opportunity to take a breath and truly seek out where God wants to lead our family, how we can best pursue the passions and dreams He has given us, while still being able to provide the needs for our family. Alex primarily, is getting a chance to do things over again in many ways. He has been able to take a step back, reevaluate, pray and let God speak into his heart and to trust that God can give us the answers and direction we need. I think we needed this time, as a couple, a family and individually to ask ourselves what we really want for our lives and our family, and not necessarily what may make the most sense to others. We want to be disciples who are willing to sacrifice and lead simple, even inconvenient lives, in order to live out the words of God as closely as we can. That being said-we don't want to rush or feel backed into making a decision biased on convenience and desperation. So we are waiting and praying.

        While we wait, though it is needed, there is also truth to the fact that we have both had to work through (and continue to struggle with) feeling like we are in limbo. As much as we appreciate my parents opening their home to us, it is simply not my home anymore. Alex and I are married with a baby of our own, it is hard not to feel like we are intruding, or that we need our own space and kitchen again. It is hard not having my own home to set up and run the way I like. It is hard not having our books and our own couch and bed. It is hard living in a little clutter and cramped quarters. Even more so, it's hard not having a definitive plan-still not knowing exactly what the next few month will hold for my family (not that anyone ever really knows what is going to happen at any time), or where God will lead us.  But even though it is hard and uncomfortable at times, God is also showing us many wonderful things while we wait.

      One of the biggest things that have changed in our lives in our hunger and relationship with the body of Christ, particularly in our church. I think for one of the first times in my life, I am literally counting down the days until Sunday and Wednesday every week. I am starving for fellowship, to be challenged, tested, encouraged, and enlightened. When Charlotte prevents us from being able to go (which happens often-I sincerely hope this teething stage passes soon) I am heartbroken and disappointed. When we leave church every week, we leave reluctantly, but also having come closer to Christ through the fellowship and edification of the body and through worshiping God with others equally passionately seeking and discovering Him. I said to Alex last week on our way home. "This church... it feels like home. It feels like family." Home. It felt like honey warmly covering my soul; a sweet, cozy, safe place. Even though our lives are in limbo, and we don't know where we will go or what we will do, for now spiritually and emotionally home. We can rest and we can know we are where we need to be right now.
 
     Wherever God leads our family, if we can focus in all things on Him and be actively involved in His body, the church, and in all things seeking His word, we will always have a home. Of this, I am certain... Sometimes I just need a reminder when I want to complain about not having a place to hang my babies bibs, or wanting to do laundry in my time, or to have the luxury to leave things around the house without complaint. (Love you mom! ;)) The reality is that it will always comes down to whether God is enough for me; if I have nothing and if things never go my way, will God still be enough. Long answer short, He continues to show me day after day that He can be if I let Him rule my heart.

           On another note Charlotte is seven months old today! My goodness she grows too fast! Here are some picture just for fun. I mean come on who could get enough of this face?

Love,
Leah

More to come on other things we are learning! Next post about our adventure on minimizing and simplifying!



      ***I just want to say, I've been part of many wonderful churches with incredible leaders and members of the body of Christ-I say this to make the point that what God is doing in our hearts and lives right now is not indicating in anyway that the churches I've been a part of in the past haven't been special or important to me. God is simply moving in our lives right now through this church and body and we are so blessed and inspired by it.

Patience? I Am A Screaming Child

               Patience. Oh boy, as much as I love my baby girl to pieces, I don't love the screaming temper-tantrums. I thought we had a little more time before this stage in her little life, but as it goes with babies-she's always keeping us on our toes. God has had to teach me about patience over and over again throughout my short life. I don't think my brain will ever fully comprehend what it means to be patient. Motherhood is a daily reminder of how impatient I actually am, and how much I need God and the Holy Spirit to work in me!

            Watching Charlie scream and holler because she wants her toy to do something it wasn't designed to do, makes me wonder if this is how we look in the eyes of God sometimes. I know in my life there are moments when I just can't understand why things aren't working my way and I complain. I am just a little human, ignorant-lacking the vision and knowledge that God has. I'm like my daughter; throwing my toys across the room and screaming on the top of my lungs because I'm upset that it won't fit in my mouth or spin around on the floor. I seriously need to take a chill pill-perhaps a dose of some heavenly peace and patience? :)

           God has so much patience with me. I imagine His love for me as His child looks a lot like the love I have for my child-only perfect and selfless. Even as my daughter screams (again) because things won't work her way, I can't help but love her. I see things she doesn't yet understand and that I can't explain to her underdeveloped brain, but someday I know these days of frustration will be gone (I hope) and replaced by ever growing understanding, insight and wisdom. I can smile as I watch her learn and grow. I can pray for her and with patience and a loving hand show her and teach her wonderful things about life everyday. I can't wait to watch her learn how to play with her toys, and how to read and all about the beautiful things God has created for her to enjoy. Likewise, I think God delights in watching me grow and learn, and showing me the beautiful things all around me-even though today my understanding is limited.

         Becoming a parent has changed my perspective and continues to change the way I see God. I hope as I learn to be more patient that God continues to reveal His beautiful mysteries and to teach me the many things I have yet to learn and understand.


Seriously though, how can I be impatient with a face like this one?



 Love,
Leah

Finding Peace

               Have I mentioned how hard it is to find time to write with a teething, six-month old baby? Writing aside, it's hard to find time to do pretty much anything. I have clothes (mostly folded) still sitting on our borrowed love-seat waiting to be put away- need I say this is week two and they have been cycled through twice now without finding their homes? Yet, whereas a year ago this would have driven me crazy due to my obsessive drive to have my life perfectly organized-today I'm learning to find peace and a simple joy amongst the chaos.

             Life is pretty quiet lately. I sleep (kind of), eat, change diapers, laugh often and walk around the block several times a day. My life is pretty predictable on a day to day basis. Last month, this drove me to tears and in frustration I cried out to God looking for more substance in my daily activities. Instead, He gently took me by the hand and opened my eyes and heart to the incredible journey I was walking everyday. I'm learning. I'm learning a lot, about a lot of things. I'm learning to laugh again; finding joy and peace in the little things everyday. I'm learning to sing-praises echo forth in the midst of the white noise that surrounds me. I'm learning that being a mother is much harder than I thought it would be, but it is also so much more endearing and fulfilling than I ever imagined. I'm learning that being a wife that honors both God and my husband isn't always natural- it takes work, patience, selflessness, and passion. I'm also learning that God is greater than the odds-He is bigger.

           I'm starting to see my life through eyes that have been blind only to begin discovering a light, colors and beauty I've never before seen. I've changed. Life has changed me. Between the circumstances that Alex and I have faced, both intended and unexpected, God has shown me things I never understood before. One phrase comes to mind: God is bigger. He is always bigger. When I don't understand, when the world says it's impossible, improbable, against all odds, God is bigger. He is bigger than reason, reality, and the things that simply make sense. When I we wonder how and why, He is bigger still. There is nothing in my life or in this world that He is not bigger than.

           I'm finding peace. I am learning to embrace where I am in my life and to delight in the simple beauty of motherhood, being a wife and falling in love with God all over again while trusting that whatever we face or whatever bizarre circumstance we go through God is bigger still.

     

     

I Am Like An Israelite

 There are days when the whole world seems to be spinning out of orbit around me. I sit here with a baby finally asleep in my arms, listening to the chaos surrounding my simple days- and yet the chaos has nothing to do with me. It’s like sitting on the side of a highway watching life and loved ones fly by without a second glance. Everyone is off saving the world to some degree, while I sit by the road side as my baby screams herself to sleep again and I am helpless to do anything to change that. 

       

         Confined and unable to leave the house for more than a walk around the block, in a daze I watch my days come and go with few memories and little to say about them. I love being a mom and watching my daughter grow, but some days it is so hard to watch everyone busy and about- to see the world alive and thriving simply to be stuck in a house filed with pandemonium and commotion. It is amazing that though I am surrounded by people more than not, I sometimes feel more alone than I ever have. 

         Whichever way the waves crash so my boat is thrust about, though I am still and my feet are grounded, the sea in a reckless frenzy throws me about like forgotten wreckage. So are my days in this house. With a baby at hip and my feet tracing my previous steps again and again, I wonder has it been another day again? Is it morning yet? Or is this just one day that will never end?

As these thoughts pulse through my heart and race through my mind, I am simply reminded of the Israelites. They were given manna at their cry for food, and water when their throats were parched, and when they grew weary of manna, God opened the heavens and quail landed at their feet. Yet they complained- they were still ungrateful. God has given me a child and a husband both who love me. He heard the cries from my heart and implored His ear unto my prayers and with mercy and grace poured blessings upon my head. And still I here with quail and manna on my tongue and weep for the things which are yet to come in later days. Ungratefully I ponder my sorrows, and with lonely days I hold the blessing of God in my arms and pray for something more. 

           He should send venomous vipers to bite me in my sleep as He did to the discouraged people He blessed and showed mercy too. I have such a wicked heart. My heart betrays the Lord even when He has blessed beyond what I deserve. I need to turn my heart to God and bless Him in the midst of these quiet days. Praises and worship should sound from my mouth in all things. 

           As I sit here quietly, while my baby sleeps- as the ones I love rush about and go from here to there, will I sit and let the quiet days fill me with peace and stillness? If I am perhaps the Lord will speak and fill my heart with deep and refreshing thoughts of Him. If I seek Him in all things and listen as the world goes by, I know will be filled with peace. Why then is it so hard just to sit still?  How often do I have a season of quiet days to simply sit and listen to the Lord? Will this season of lonesome days be filled instead with love and the Spirit of God? Will I be able to make the choice to let songs of joy and praise surround me and overflow from me?

God has given me His Spirit. He has raised me out of the mire and called me to Himself. Surely He will help me turn my heart to Him and let the chaos around me become a distant friend, instead filling my heart and days with deep thoughts and revealing the mysteries of His Word to my wondering heart. The world around me will become like white noise, I will sleep with a smile on my lips and with a song in my heart and rise with joy to the wakeful laughter of another day to hold and treasure as my baby grows and thrives before my eyes. Is there nothing more delightful than finding peace in the Lord and precious riches like buried treasures in the light of every new day? 

And so I am learning to embrace motherhood on a whole new level- to soak in the simple days and hold the quiet moments like precious jewels and priceless treasures. 

    Love,

        Leah

When Love Is Work

          It's been a long time since I've written last. I regret that I haven't made more time to write and share what God has been doing in my heart and life and the road He is taking Alex and I on. Writing is an important part of stress relief for me and sharing and meditation on what God is doing in me day to day forces me to commit my heart and thoughts on Christ rather than the chaos that surrounds me. Therefore I am honestly trying to make journaling and writing a priority again. Even if all I manage are a few scribbled sentences in my neglected journal prior to surrendering to sleep.

       I've been thinking a lot lately about what God is speaking to me and showing me. It is so easy to get caught up in the emotion of everything going on in this whirlwind of a corrupted world, that I catch myself overcomplicating overthinking things that are really very simple. The first is love. I'm not one to normally hold grudges, or to struggle forgiving or letting go, but these last few months have really thrown me through the wringer. I've had anger and bitterness in my heart. I've struggled day after day to understand why I'm so angry that I can't just let it go. I made excuses, explained away the circumstances, but none of that changed how deeply I hurt and how wronged I felt, which continued to fuel my anger and frustration.

       The truth is that Love is simple. I am telling myself this again as I write it because it is not always an easy thing to embrace. Love is putting someone else first above yourself- above myself. It's not about the way I feel about someone, or what they do to me, or how I deserve to be treated by them. It is simply self-sacrifice. Jesus understood that better than anyone else ever did. I am constantly finding that I have to take myself back to the gospel and remind myself what Jesus endured for my sake and your sake. It was not easy, but it was simple. As puny, arrogant, evil little humans mocked, beat, and abused the Son of God He still loved us. As He hung on the cross dying for us, He loved us. He endured so much more than I will ever be faced with simply for undeserving love. I'm not supposed to give love to those who earn it. It is a gift to give freely, consciously, always without exception.

         Whether I've done anything wrong myself or not, my angry and hurt stems directly from selfish desires. I think and act like I deserve to be treated and thought of a certain way. I put myself and my feelings above choosing to love someone first. Love does not hold grudges. Love forgives. Love does not think of it's first or put itself above anyone. I am no better than anyone else and I sin and fall short of the glory of God. This means that apart from Christ I am sentenced to death, and yet I constantly find myself trapped in a mindset of measuring my self worth and purity. This nothing. Christ and His sacrifice of love for me, is the only thing that sets me apart from the world. When I act and behave as though I'm deserving of more I'm putting myself above those who are just as I am. This is not a heart of purity or one that glorifies God.

        If I am to love, I am to put aside myself worth and cling to the hope I have in God. For if my heart is focused on Him in all things, I will find that the words and actions of the world won't capture me in the bondage of anger and bitterness. Christ should be my all, nothing men do or say can take that away from me. Who I am, and who I will become is in Christ. It doesn't matter what the world thinks of me or does to me. I'm hoping that Love will become easier with time. I hope with certainty because I have experienced the freedom of Love, to give and receive because of the freedom I have in Jesus.  


_Charlie Ann has woken from her nap, so I must go for now. But I'll write again soon! God is always working, so I'll never run out of things to write about! By for now!

Love,
Leah