Boy or Girl

It's a girl!! 

It is no secret that we were hoping for a boy. It may have been due to the fact that we know we probably won't have anymore of our own kids, and we already had the opportunity to experience the joy of a little girl so a little boy would give us the blessing of both. Or it may have had everything to do with the part of me as a little girl that dreamed of a house full of little boys. Regardless we were delighted and relieved to find out that we were having another little girl. 

This little girl is such a blessing to us already. She is a little gift we can't wait to hold in our arms. A miracle that God chose us to know and watch grow. This child is a gift of life. We had a name picked out early on in the case that she was a girl, but somewhere along the way Mr. J. decided on Evelyn. It was a fun surprise when we learned that Evelyn means gift of life from God. It was as if God had picked the name before we had even fully realized the significance behind it. 

We only have a few months left to prepare for this little girl but we are so excited for the day we will get to bring her home and introduce her to you all. 

With an Earnest Love,

Leah

From a New Mom to Her Own Mom

Dear Mom,

          I didn’t realize how much work, time, worry, and love you gave and sacrificed for me until I became a mom myself. Looking at my little one year old today, while feeling the kicking baby in my womb gives me such a deep appreciation and understanding of what it meant for you to be my mom. 

           Motherhood is hard work. I’ve never been so tired, so stressed, so worried about every little thing about my growing daughter as I’ve been this past year.  I’ve also never experienced a love like this before. Becoming a mom has shown me what passionate dedication it takes to raising a child; what a deep, sacrificial love it takes to teach and help my child learn and grow. I worry about what she eats, how she sleeps, what she is learning and has failed to learn. I worry about her love for Jesus and how I can teach her how to love Him more; to know Him. I worry about the little things, like temper-tantrums and moments of rebellion. I worry that I’m not doing enough, giving enough, teaching enough, loving enough. 

         I prayed for my daughter, wished for her, dreamed for her, and now that God gave her to me I couldn’t imagine loving her anymore. Yet, as she grows so does the bond I have with her. The joy of sacrificing for her needs and wants far exceeds anything I imagined. But this is nothing new to you. You prayed for me, wished for me and wanted me before I was born. When I came, you spent your years giving and sacrificing for me in ways I couldn’t see, didn’t understand, and never acknowledged. You gave to me and your six other kids for the last 21 years and you are still giving and serving day after day. 

           I know there have been days growing up, when I struggled to understand you and appreciate you; when I struggled to see and feel your love. But today as I walk my fussy baby around the house and struggle to find time to pee, I think of you and see the little/big things you did and still do for me and all your kids. My love for my kids is only showing me the tip of the iceberg. I’ve only been a mom for such a short time, but you have spent the majority of your life sacrificing and loving your kids. I still have so much to learn from you.

         I appreciate you and the sacrifices you have made for me. I can see the time and thought, (and probably tears) that went into raising me to be a child after God’s heart. While I’m not a perfect replica of you, I hope I can put as much love and sacrifice into my role as a mom as you did for me. I want you to know that as I struggle and learn, during my bad days and good, I’ll be thinking of you and all the love that you poured into me day after day, year after year.

I love you.

With an Earnest Love,

From a new mom to her own mom,

Leah

When I'm in My Car

I am currently sitting in my car, windows down, with the stillness and the song of morning filling my ears and heart with a refreshing peace. I find that my favorite time of the day is when I am sitting in my car, in the morning, after dropping off my incredibly handsome husband at work, while I let my toddler sleep and enjoy the distraction free minutes of quiet reflection fuel me for the day that awaits me.

There is nothing quiet like a sleeping toddler and the warm sun on my face while I pray for strength and wisdom for the day. I am beginning to realize that these days and moments grow short as we approach the day when my arms will be filled with the joy of another baby. These spring and early summer days may be some of the last moments I have to bask so freely in the thoughts of my own heart. So I am taking the time and making a point to find as many moments like this that I can before my life invites more noise and love to fill my time and thoughts. I'm treasuring these mornings of prayer, and quiet time with the Lord. 

I know and God knows that I need it.

This mothering and wife thing is much more difficult than I thought it would be. I think there was a part of me that assumed it would just come naturally to me. After all, I was the oldest of seven kids, I nannied many families through the first several years and I grew up with my husband. I thought I would be equipped and prepared to take on this new life style. I thought I was grown up enough and experienced enough to have the answers. 

The reality is that I've never felt so unprepared and ill equipped. I've never felt such a burden and need to pray, to seek the Lords direction in so many things, both little and big. I don't have all the answers and I'm no where near having it all figured out. My daughter baffles me day by day and I'm learning that marriage is so much harder than I thought it could be (especially for us, considering all we went through leading up to our marriage and the struggles we faced the first few years). 

God is showing me and teaching me how to be a proverbs 31 wife, mother and woman in a whole new light. I assumed that this woman had it all together on her own, but apart from Christ and the leading of the Holy Spirit, can any woman honestly expect the perfection this woman portrays to come naturally and easily? I think I did. Subconsciously. 

But why would I need God if I had it all together?

I'm learning to cling to Him, seek Him, and admit to myself that I don't have it all together. My days with my daughter are so much brighter and more enjoyable when I am willing to lean on God and not try to pretend that I have it all together. My marriage is deeper and more intimate the more I humbly admit that I don't know how to love my husband like Christ and in turn pray for God to show and teach me. 

My frustrations and disappointments in myself are slowly changing and becoming prayers instead. I am expecting less perfection of myself and more of God in my life. Instead of studying the proverbs 31 woman inside and out, I'm praying more often that God would create in me a woman after His own heart. 

My mornings in my car, in the stillness of Christ are the most productive moments of my day. It is in the quiet that my heart comes in earnest before God and He fills my heart with gentle reminders and the tools I need to get through the day.

Even though these mornings won't last forever, I know that as my home grows and my heart fills with love, I will need to find time to drawn near to God in quiet, stillness so I can continue to grow in Him and fight against the urges to do it all on my own.

Where are your quiet moments? When does God comfort and speak to you the most? 

With an Earnest Love,

Leah

Life With The Jaffrey's (Pregnancy Update and so on)

 As I have shared in my previous post, things have been kind of crazy lately. Especially with the pregnancy. We know that our friends and family are having a hard time keeping tabs with us since we aren't on Facebook for the time being, so we wanted to give you guys an update and let you all know how we are doing and what we may be facing in the near future.

Charlie is growing so fast! She has transitioned into a toddler bed, is speaking two-three word sentences and daily surprising us with new words. She is exploring and discovering a whole world of imaginary play. We are continually amazed at how well she is developing and how quickly she is picking up new things. She is very independent and determined to be like mommy and daddy in every way she can be. She still hates anything super sweet (cake, cookies, candy, ect.) unless it is chocolate. We aren't complaining as it makes feeding her super easy and healthy. Her favorite show is Curious George, and her two favorite movies are Despicable Me and Wreck It Ralph. She loves bunnies and hippos. Her favorites toys are her baby dolls, and play kitchen set. She loves to read (as long as she is the one reading and turning the pages), sing (she is working on singing the ABC's), and to dance. We are loving watching her grow and learn.

On another note, her leg and left side are still not doing better. She has very poor balance and a limp most days, with fevers consistently off and on. We are still working very hard with her Pediatric Neurologist to figure out what is going on. The good news is that it sounds like no matter what it ends up being, we should be able to treat her with physical therapy and some extra love and she should eventually be able to work through it and live a normal life. We just have to figure out what the source is so that we can determine a treatment plan that will help her.

It is really hard as a parent to see our daughter struggle so much so consistently. There are days when we struggle to have the patience and understanding she needs, and the knowledge to help her. Despite her pain and our frustrations she is still such a joy and delight. She has taught us so much through the last few months and continues to astound us day by day.


Mr. J. is doing great in his new job and has been continually blessed  with where God has put him. We are so excited to see where God leads him through this career, and where He will ultimately lead our family. I'm so proud of how hard Mr. J continues to work and provide for us and how hard he works on honoring God in the work place...even when it could cost him his job.

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The pregnancy has been quiet difficult so far, and leaving the fear of an early delivery more and more prevalent. As it was with our pregnancy with Charlotte, we are left feeling at a loss with the continual complications I face week by week and the deep fear of an early delivery. It seems that as soon as we figure one issue out another one meets us by morning, leaving us feeling more and more hopeless.

But hopelessness is not an option with God. This past week He has really had to remind me that this baby in my belly, is not just an accident. This baby was a God given miracle. This baby would not exist without His hand. This is His baby. As much as I love my children, my love is still lacking; I love with an imperfect love. I have to remember that God loves these babies of mine with a perfect love. While I would endure and sacrifice anything for my children, He would give and suffer more.

This child in my womb is out of my hands, out of my doctors hands, resting only in God's hands. If He could miraculously give me another baby, then I can certainly trust Him to take care of this baby. In addition to this baby, I can also trust that He will take care of me. He is the only one who can give me the strength physically to bear the pain and suffering this pregnancy has brought, He can give my heart the peace and courage to walk through it until the end, and He can use my story and experience to bring Himself glory.

The truth is, when I wake in the mornings, there are somedays that I am not ready to face what I know the day will hold. The truth is, I am terrified of what may wait down the road for this baby and myself. The truth is, I am tired of carrying this burden of pain. There are days when all I can do is ask God "why me?" It's so hard to remember in the moment, that God is so much greater than these smalls days and moments of pain.


But there are also days, when the pain isn't so bad, and my heart is encouraged in Christ through my husband and friends and family. There are days when God reminds me that all of these little moments will be so worth it, and that He has a plan for this child and my life.

I do ask "Why me?" But I have to remember that I also have prayed and asked God to use me and my life to bring glory and honor to His name. I have begged Him to use me and to grow me in Him and through Him. I shouldn't be surprised or taken aback when things grow hard and I weary. He is giving me everything I have ever wanted. My sufferings and my struggles are an opportunity to exalt and grow in Him.



On the bright side, I am pregnant when I thought I'd never be able to experience the wonder and miracle of bearing another child. The baby is very healthy and active. We are more than half way through it! I have not been put on bed rest. I'm encouraged to walk outside and eat cookies. More than all of this, I've been given one greatest honors and blessings of carrying and mothering another one of God's children. There is no greater blessing in my life than serving God through my husband and children. I am an incredibly blessed woman and humbled by God's mercy in my life.


To end this little update, The Jaffrey family still doesn't have it all together, but we are growing (physically and spiritually), learning life together and loving it. While with life comes times of hardship and trials, there are also many incredible moments of life and beauty among them. We don't have a lot materially, but together, through God's grace we thrive on the treasures He pours over us day by day.



With an Earnest Love,
Leah