Christmas Grace

This year, we spent our Christmas celebrating the grace God has shown us the last few weeks. Almost overnight somehow, everything has managed to work together against every odd and impossible situation. After working several (way too many) jobs in the last year, bouncing from one to another trying to provide for our needs, a job finally fell into our lap as if a gift from God. We aren’t even sure how the company got his application or where they came from, but we aren’t about to question the hands of God. One thing we are sure of: God provided even when we didn’t have the means to provide for ourselves. This job not only pays what we need to meet our financial obligations, but it also introduces doors and possibilities we couldn’t have dreamed of. Alex has discovered a joy and passion in his work He didn’t know He could have; He is excited about where this job could take him- and take us. 

Due to the nature of this job, we will be sticking around in New York for a while longer until we have more direction from God - then who knows where we may end up. He may have us stay in New York for the rest of our lives for all we know. As much as we desire to be in Tennessee, we want to be where God wants us even more. So we are settling in for the next year and then we will see where God will lead us after that. We have started an exciting search for our own place! 

After a year of living with my parents, and then living with Alex’s parents prior to that for a time, we are so ready to be on our own. As selfish as it is, we crave time with our daughter alone, and our own private space for awhile. While we are so grateful to both of our parents for their help and patience along the way, it hasn’t been an easy time. Compromise and sacrifice have to be a daily focus on the parts of both parties. It is never easy to live as an independent family under someone else's roof-neither is it to have an independent family under your own roof. But God has been exceedingly gracious to us giving us the patience and continually convicting our hearts when we grow weary and wayward. None-the-less we can’t wait to be in our own home with our own little family again. It will truly be a honeymoon phase all over again. 

Here is to more adventures! Our story is only growing and our lives just starting! Where will we go from here? What waits down this narrow road?

With an Earnest Love,

Leah

A Miracle Year - Charlotte is One

I can't believe our baby girl is a year old. Time has taken wings and discovered flight and like a bird we have watched the world below us pass by, pushed through turbulence after turbulence, weathered storms and sunny days both cold and scorching hot as we began this incredible journey through parenthood. Looking back now is amazing to see where we were compared to where God has us today. 

We knew going into parenthood that it wasn't going to be easy, but we had no clue what that meant or how it would challenge and effect us both in our walks with the Lord, our marriage and our outlook on life. The moment that perfect little bundle was placed in Alex's arms our whole life changed. 

This past year has been filled with miracles, hardships, fear, joy and a greater understanding of what is means to love sacrificially. Being Charlie's Mamma has taught me so much about God, love, endurance, patience and faith. I see God the Father in a new light now that I'm parent too. It brought and depth and closeness in my walk with Him than I hadn't experienced before. Loving a child of my own has taught me so much about what it means to joyfully sacrifice and endure patiently.

I've learned that I don't have all answers and I'll never be a 'perfect' parent, but have also been shown that there is beauty in the imperfection. God's grace is for me and my husband as we flounder through this new experience together. Everyday holds new discoveries, accomplishments and adventures. 

Watching Charlotte grow; seeing the sparkle in her eye as she uncovers new treasures and discovers life is more thrilling and magical than almost anything else I've ever experienced before. She is growing so fast before our very eyes. Embracing each day with excitement and enthusiasm we embark on adventures and travel time hand in hand - often times stumbling along the way, but that's what makes a good story I suppose. 

Now that Charlie is one, we are seeing a whole new side to her. She has an opinion about almost everything, strength beyond her age and a passion for anything musical. She loves to read almost any book especially if there is a cow or two involved, and has a special place in her heart for her stuffed Bunnies. She is a die-heart daddies girl and loves loves loves beards. Give her pears and cucumbers and she'll be your friend forever but give her cake and you will have made a true enemy. This child may be the only kid in the world who HATES cake, icing or anything of the like. If you want proof:

All in all it is so much fun to see her little personality blossoming and to watch her become a little girl- our little girl.

As much as we are so enjoying our girl grow and mature, there is still a battle she fights every day that we still don't have answers for or a way to help her through it. God has given this little miracle a fighter's spirit. She is so strong and so brave; I am so proud of her. We keep praying that the doctors will be able to figure out what is causing her so much pain some days. We keep looking for answers and try to understand what she is feeling and dealing with, but we know ultimately God will take care of her.

Our next steps include a thorough MRI and meeting with a neurologist next month. We have been really blessed with some amazing doctors who really listen and care for our daughter. A good doctor and compassionate nurses make a world of a difference when you are working through a diagnostic. We are so thankful to be in the care such understanding hands.

Reality check: Charlotte is a whole year old and time has begun to fly.

We wouldn't change a thing about this past year. Our journey have been an incredible adventure and though it isn't easy the rewards are great. As this next year begins we simply pray for wisdom and hope to embrace each day as it comes.

Off we go...

With Earnest Love,

Leah

My God of Today

I’m learning to embrace the glory, power, active and living magnificent display of God’s work in me today. Not only what my future may hold or the next hour- right now, in this very moment God is living, alive, real, and present. I’ve spent a lifetime looking into the future, waiting and anticipating what I dreamed for, longed for, prayed for and I’ve missed out on hours, days and years of God’s very present work in me and my life.   

One of my greatest struggles is looking to God in the future days; I loose sight of Him in today, and yesterday. My God is not just a God of the future, He is my God of today. His power and magnificence is not only for my future - it’s for now; in the midst of diaper changes, dumped bowls of cereal, and lack of showers. 

I catch myself so often thinking thoughts of “someday”. ‘Someday God will use me, someday God will speak to me, someday I will learn that, someday I’ll be living the life as the disciples of Christ did, someday God will lead me exactly where He wants me and I’ll be able to work and serve Him.’ 

But what about today? Can’t God use me even when I’m tired and need to sleep? Can’t God use me now even though my little family is living in my parents house? Can’t God use me even though I don’t have everything figured out? Deep in my heart I think I believe that God can’t use me because I still have so much to learn and I still struggle with sin so deeply; it is overwhelming. I don’t believe I have enough to give, I don’t have the means to serve the way I’ve envisioned myself serving. I don’t have enough. I’m not where I need to be. 

Wow... What happened to nothing is impossible with God. He calls the weak, the unprepared, the nobody. He has the power to use me, work in me, through me, and calls me to Himself today. I don’t know where He will lead me in the future or that I’ll even have a future. Maybe I’ll go home tonight, maybe I’ll live a hundred years? In either case I don’t know what waits for me down the road, but I do know that I don’t have to wait to discover and serve God where I am today. 

I may have very little and not be in a position to pursue what I believe God may be leading me to do someday, but today I do have an opportunity to give what I have, learn and pursue God with all my heart; broken, messy, weak me. 

Jesus Saved Me

So I’ve taken this 500 word challenge for everyday through the entire following month, and though typically I am one to love words in plenty - tonight I am left with a quiet heart and an even less active mind. I am so simply content. I am content with where God has us. Thankful for how He is leading us and providing for us. I am blessed with my marriage and the intimate and deep friendship I share with my husband. I am listening with joy to the noisemaker in the room next to me drowning out the sounds from the house while my very own miracle sleeps. I have clothes and food and so much more than I actually ‘need’. More than anything else I have peace through Jesus and the Holy Spirit. If I had nothing else in this life the peace and grace of God would be enough to leave me as speechless as I am right now. 

I don’t know where I’ll end up in this life, but through the last several years I’ve learned that it doesn’t matter where I am, God is there. As long as I give my heart completely and I strive to walk as a living sacrifice for Christ, there is nothing in this world that can pull me away from where God wants me, or come in between His plans for my life.  I’m learning over and over again that God is so much greater than this world. He is greater than me, you and everything else under the heavens. I am learning that when I am not enough, He is ever more. I am learning that though I fail, fall and sin over and over, Jesus not only payed the price for it, but sent the Holy Spirit to continue teaching me, helping me and drawing me closer to God. 

I may not have everything all together. The truth is, most of the time I am a real mess. But I am a broken, messy creature, who is being made new every day. When I judge harshly, without mercy, or grace, God shows me and teaches me. When I struggle to find the words, or to love selflessly, He covers me and leads me by the hand. When I cry out for wisdom because my fallen mind cannot fathom, God gives it freely. When I pray- He hears me. He puts people in my life to hold me accountable, to encourage and admonish. He is for me. He gave for me.

There are no words to sum up the life, relationship, and passion I have with Christ Jesus. There is nothing that can compare to the pursuit of Christ. No- nothing in this world could fulfill the drive and endless craving to know God more to serve Him more. As long as I live - though I will fall- I will serve Him with all of my heart. It is that simple.  I don’t need five hundred to tell you where my heart is or what petty thing has next captured me in some romantic fantasy. My life and passion can be summed up in three words: Jesus Saved Me.

With an Earnest Love,

Leah