Patience? I Am A Screaming Child

               Patience. Oh boy, as much as I love my baby girl to pieces, I don't love the screaming temper-tantrums. I thought we had a little more time before this stage in her little life, but as it goes with babies-she's always keeping us on our toes. God has had to teach me about patience over and over again throughout my short life. I don't think my brain will ever fully comprehend what it means to be patient. Motherhood is a daily reminder of how impatient I actually am, and how much I need God and the Holy Spirit to work in me!

            Watching Charlie scream and holler because she wants her toy to do something it wasn't designed to do, makes me wonder if this is how we look in the eyes of God sometimes. I know in my life there are moments when I just can't understand why things aren't working my way and I complain. I am just a little human, ignorant-lacking the vision and knowledge that God has. I'm like my daughter; throwing my toys across the room and screaming on the top of my lungs because I'm upset that it won't fit in my mouth or spin around on the floor. I seriously need to take a chill pill-perhaps a dose of some heavenly peace and patience? :)

           God has so much patience with me. I imagine His love for me as His child looks a lot like the love I have for my child-only perfect and selfless. Even as my daughter screams (again) because things won't work her way, I can't help but love her. I see things she doesn't yet understand and that I can't explain to her underdeveloped brain, but someday I know these days of frustration will be gone (I hope) and replaced by ever growing understanding, insight and wisdom. I can smile as I watch her learn and grow. I can pray for her and with patience and a loving hand show her and teach her wonderful things about life everyday. I can't wait to watch her learn how to play with her toys, and how to read and all about the beautiful things God has created for her to enjoy. Likewise, I think God delights in watching me grow and learn, and showing me the beautiful things all around me-even though today my understanding is limited.

         Becoming a parent has changed my perspective and continues to change the way I see God. I hope as I learn to be more patient that God continues to reveal His beautiful mysteries and to teach me the many things I have yet to learn and understand.


Seriously though, how can I be impatient with a face like this one?



 Love,
Leah

Finding Peace

               Have I mentioned how hard it is to find time to write with a teething, six-month old baby? Writing aside, it's hard to find time to do pretty much anything. I have clothes (mostly folded) still sitting on our borrowed love-seat waiting to be put away- need I say this is week two and they have been cycled through twice now without finding their homes? Yet, whereas a year ago this would have driven me crazy due to my obsessive drive to have my life perfectly organized-today I'm learning to find peace and a simple joy amongst the chaos.

             Life is pretty quiet lately. I sleep (kind of), eat, change diapers, laugh often and walk around the block several times a day. My life is pretty predictable on a day to day basis. Last month, this drove me to tears and in frustration I cried out to God looking for more substance in my daily activities. Instead, He gently took me by the hand and opened my eyes and heart to the incredible journey I was walking everyday. I'm learning. I'm learning a lot, about a lot of things. I'm learning to laugh again; finding joy and peace in the little things everyday. I'm learning to sing-praises echo forth in the midst of the white noise that surrounds me. I'm learning that being a mother is much harder than I thought it would be, but it is also so much more endearing and fulfilling than I ever imagined. I'm learning that being a wife that honors both God and my husband isn't always natural- it takes work, patience, selflessness, and passion. I'm also learning that God is greater than the odds-He is bigger.

           I'm starting to see my life through eyes that have been blind only to begin discovering a light, colors and beauty I've never before seen. I've changed. Life has changed me. Between the circumstances that Alex and I have faced, both intended and unexpected, God has shown me things I never understood before. One phrase comes to mind: God is bigger. He is always bigger. When I don't understand, when the world says it's impossible, improbable, against all odds, God is bigger. He is bigger than reason, reality, and the things that simply make sense. When I we wonder how and why, He is bigger still. There is nothing in my life or in this world that He is not bigger than.

           I'm finding peace. I am learning to embrace where I am in my life and to delight in the simple beauty of motherhood, being a wife and falling in love with God all over again while trusting that whatever we face or whatever bizarre circumstance we go through God is bigger still.