Mamma, Wife, and Disciple of Christ

I was on my second cup of coffee and my head was swimming with my to-do-list.  It was nine at night, and the baby had just settled and was sleeping peacefully at my feet in her rocking bassinet. I was cramming in a last minute study session before bed; rather, attempting to. I found myself wondering if I was crazy for thinking that I could go back to school right after having a baby, in addition to filling my roles as a wife, mamma of two under two, homemaker, friend and disciple of Christ. Would my other responsibilities suffer as I took on the new status of a part-time college student?

I have experience exhaustion on a level I didn't imagine possible over these past three weeks, but despite the chaos and business that my life has suddenly consumed, I have felt more grounded and fulfilled than I have in a very long time. I wondered if I could do this; all of the roles God has put on my heart to engage and fulfill. Would I be effective in my roles, or end up just getting by or making it through? I didn't want to feel like I was just surviving, and I didn't want my husband, kids, friends or God just to get the leftovers of my time and attention. I am exhausted at the end and sometimes the beginning of each day, but I am also filled with excitement for each plan I have for the week. I went from going through each day with my daughter and husband feeling bored and empty. I wasn't having an impact on my family and friends or for Christ. I was just going through the motions every day.

Looking back, I think my daughter and husband got less of me when I had nothing going on, then they do today even with everything we have going on. Our days are filled with meaningful and intentional plans and to-do. It is contagious; the sensation of doing something for which I am so passionate; my devotion to my husband and kids is unhindered. I am restless with a desire to serve God where I can, reaching out and putting myself out there to minister and be ministered to by the body of Christ. I am driven to educate and equip myself to care for the orphans, foster children, and individuals that desperately need help and love. I am anxious to share my testimony with my followers and reach women and marriages with hope and truth. I am currently being given opportunities to do all of this and instead of being overwhelmed and discouraged, I am more focused and excited about my life than I ever have been. 

As mamma's, particularly stay-at-home mom's, I think there is a tendency to feel stuck and lonely, or to feel like your not doing much with your life. Not to say that raising children is not doing much because believe me this is probably one of the most demanding and rewarding jobs we will ever do. But, some days being home with the kids and just kids is lonely, frustrating, and challenging. I'm finding that it is important to remember that God gives us passions for a reason and more than that when He gives us opportunities He will also supply us with the means to do it. 

While being a mamma is one of my favorite things, I also have other things I enjoy doing. One of those things being serving others when I have the opportunity. I want my girls to grow up watching and learning from me, and I want them to see the heart of Christ living through me and the way I spend my days and time. I may be giving all my time and energy to things God has given me, but instead of feeling run down and worn out, I am running on an invisible endless flow of energy. 

My advice today is to find a way to get out and get active and involved with others and in things you feel strongly about. When you have opportunity fill your time with the things that excite you and draw you closer to Christ and those you love. When we are doing something we love it gives us purpose and a drive that propels us through time leaving a fingerprint on the lives around us. 

Evelyn Eira Sue

     It's been five weeks since we met our little miracle for the first time. Five weeks ago, scared to death of a major surgery, anticipating complications, we were getting into our car at four thirty in the morning. It was then that I realized that our whole life was about to change and that we were finally about to meet this precious baby God had put in my womb and so tenderly cared for.

       The pain from the pregnancy had become so severe that I hadn't been sleeping or eating, and barely functioning over the last three weeks. I longed for each night and when it came would fall into bed so exhausted and desperate for sleep and relief from the agonizing contractions and searing internal pain, I would beg God to break my waters, or to make it obvious to me that the big moment had come. I spent the last three weeks in tears, with prayers on my lips and desperation in my heart. Every morning I'd get up wondering if I would make it through the day, wondering if I could take one more step, lift one more basket, or make one more lunch.


       On the morning of September 10th, I walked out our front door, scared but so ready to have this baby. I was ready to meet this child that I never dreamed I'd be able to love and call my own. We walked into the hospital and from the first moment I knew it was going to be a good day. The nurses were so kind and gentle with me; they were attentive and reassuring at every moment as I was prepped for the operation. Everything went so smoothly, from the IV to the labs and everything else under the sun.

       I had been praying that my doctor would be open to trying a gentle cesarean; a c-section where the baby is immediately placed on the mother's chest after birth encouraged to nurse and bonding through the skin on skin. I knew that there was a chance they would be able to prevent me from going into shock following the procedure if I could feel the baby on my chest. I wanted that experience more than I could put into words. When I asked the nurse, she was honest with me. They had never done a gentle c-section before, they weren't set up to be able to do it, they didn't have space. She did offer to bring the baby and hold her to my face right after birth until I was stitched up. I was grateful just for that.

       As they were rolling me into the OR, my doctor met me and told me she was going to have the nurses move some things to make a true gentle c-section possible. I cried. It was more than I had hoped. It ended up being a more peaceful and beautiful birth I had dared imagine. Again, God took a situation where the odds were against me and made something beautiful out of it. At 8:12 am, weighing 7lbs and 6 ounces, 21 inches long, Evelyn Eira Sue Jaffrey was carefully placed on my chest; Alex and I were holding our miracle for the very first time.

         Every moment of the fears and pain I faced through the pregnancy melted away like packed ice in early spring when everything begins to come to life. We spent the next three days in the hospital with our new daughter savoring the moments of newness and the reality of the blessing we were physically holding, kissing and cherishing. She was the baby the world told us we would never hold, now sleeping peacefully in my arms. She is the kind of miracle that shouts the power of my God.

        The following five weeks have only intensified the testimony of what God has done with this babies life and my life. The doctors were expecting healing to be a long rocky road and virtually filled with potholes due to some other health conditions I have. To everyone's surprise, especially my own, two weeks post surgery I was up and walking without medication and five weeks later fully back to myself.

 

                        

A Miracle

It's been such a long pregnancy; wonderfully, haphazardly long. In short, we knew this baby was a miracle when we conceived, but after the past eight months, there is no room for doubt: God has given us a very special gift that He has created, protected and nourished supernaturally. I don't know what He may have in store for this little child, but I am continually amazed and astounded by His grace and the hand He has so dramatically played in her life already. I don't know what lies in store for this little girl, but I do know that the God that gave her life, the God that protected her when I grew ill, and the God that has helped her thrive despite my ability to eat, sleep and function the way I need to, is a God that will continue to lead and guide her through this world whatever she may face. There have been days throughout this pregnancy when it has felt that the whole world was against her existence; but still she grew and is already a living testimony of God's healing, power, grace and mercy for us.

The truth is that I've been sick. Very sick.

I've been fighting infections, my body rejecting medication after medication, and doctors left baffled by what they were seeing. No one had the answers. No one understood what was going on with me or my body...or the effect it could be having on this unborn child inside of me. There was a moment where some very serious concerns were raised...fears that I and possibly my child wouldn't survive. My body was doing things that no doctor had ever seen before.

I was scared for a while. I wasn't sure what was going to happen to the baby or myself. I tried to be brave and courageous; I tired to trust that God had us in His hands. But it was hard.


It had gotten to the point where the doctors were left with only the option of taking me off all medications, hoping to buy enough time for the baby before they would have to take her. I was looking at a very high-risk and complicated c-section, a premature baby, and months upon months of treatment afterwards in hopes to heal the deep infection in my abdomen.

So, I went off of all medications and we started praying. We prayed, our church prayed, our family and friends prayed and then we waited to see how my body would respond. I met with several specialist, each confirming what my doctors where already seeing, but we started seeing some hope for the baby. The risks for the baby grew less and less each day. It was just my body that was struggling and fighting so hard.

Then one day, after an excruciating afternoon and evening, in more pain than I have ever experienced before, my husband helped me crawl into bed, and I slept for the first time in many nights. When I woke up the next morning, something immediately felt different. I realized that the pain was almost completely gone. Overnight all of the festering sores, huge areas of swelling, bleeding and the feverish sensation that had been pulsing through my body for weeks were completely gone. Where there were once open swollen wounds only painless purple scars remained.

Days later I met with my specialists again, where they presented me with biopsy results confirming the deep tissue fungal infection I once had. Seeing the scars and complete absence of the infection, left every doctor and nurse completely speechless. There was no medical or scientifically reasonable explanation for the sudden healing. "Fungus doesn't just go away, it has to be killed. Especially in the case of the extremely active and resistant infection you had. " one doctor said in hushed tones as she sat looking completely flabbergasted.




I don't know why God chose to heal me, but I have no doubt in my mind that He was the one behind it. He has been protecting this baby and myself from day one of this pregnancy. He has left doctors and nurses speechless, without room for explanations or rational reasonings. He has clearly made a point that He has a plan for this child and for me. Whatever we may face in the next month, I know that He will be glorified and lifted up.

A Rough Time

I can't really say that we've been going through a rough time lately. Granted, these days recently haven't been easy, or comfortable, but life as a disciple of Christ isn't (dare I say, shouldn't be?) easy, comfortable or relaxing. Real life in pursuit of Christ is not like living the 'American dream'. It's not about the perfect family, job, status, friends, or success. Joy does not come from a comfortable situation, the ideal living, great health, and making it all work. Life as a Christian is hard; we are promised to face persecution, trials, and a fallen world everyday. So I can't really say that we've been going through a rough time lately, because my life as a disciple has been nothing but rough- a crazy, sometimes unbelievable journey as I discover and serve Christ the best that I can.

I could tell you a sob story, tug on your heart strings as you sympathize over the things I've faced and my family has endured these past few months, but I'm not going to do that. Instead I want to share what God is continuing to speak into my heart along the way. This season, while a new string of 'trials' is not new in the sense of the tribulations - only the circumstances surrounding it. What we are going through specifically doesn't matter significantly in the big picture of 'going out and making disciples' or of 'following after Christ' or 'dying to ourselves', except that we are constantly learning through trail in error what it means to put Jesus first in everything.

What I am learning is that, no matter how hard things get, what I or my family my have to face physically, emotionally or spiritually, when we are able to keep our eyes and focus on serving and glorifying Christ and the Father first, then we experience Him the way David so rawly and yet eloquently emphasized in his psalms and prayers.  The great commission is about making His name known, proclaiming the good news to the world, and serving Him with humility and selfless abandonment. What I am continuing to realize is that, serving and loving Jesus with all my heart and my life is not about looking forward to the comfortable days, having great health, being in a good financial position, or anything else that makes life fun, or inviting. While none of that is bad, life does not guarantee any of it, nor should my heart be contented by it.

If Jesus can't satisfy my deep thirst for a fulfilling and meaningful life than none of that good fluffy world stuff can either. It never has and it never will be for me. That is why I have found contentment in the midst of these trials and great tribulations. That's why Paul could teach and serve so passionately and restlessly despite the multiple appalling persecutions he faced as a disciple and that's why people are still going out into the world, risking their lives, giving up their comfortable homes and lifestyles to share the good news with the desperately lost and hungry in the world.

In America especially, though not exclusively, it can be so easy to get sucked into this modern, self-promoting, comfort driven, materialistic mindset. Living in this world is like waking every morning and walking through a maze, so often getting lost in the things of this world; in the relationships, dreams and desires of our hearts- we loose sight of the One who is rooting for us. We get tangled up in the corn husks, stuck in the mud, and find ourselves hungry lonely and lost, wondering where we turned wrong when all we had to do was look up and keep our eyes on Him and His light guiding the way.

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As Mr. J. and I have struggled through this past month, people from all sides of our lives have come together to encourage and lift us up, but the truth is, that while this hasn't been easy, we are not surprised or discouraged. We have not been prevented from serving God, drawing near to Him or experiencing Him in our day to day life. In fact, the more difficult things become, the closer we are draw to Christ, each other, and the body of Christ. God does not allow these things in our lives to distract us from Him or beat us to the ground, He is simply allowing a work to be done in our hearts and lives that will ultimately draw us to Him and bring Glory and honor to Himself. Our trials and struggles today are a beautiful opportunity to know Christ and grow in Christ. We wouldn't trade that for the world.

While we aren't just going through a rough time, this life is rough. It's hard. We constantly have to fight against our heart's wants and desires, and die to ourselves, particularly when things get harder. This life is a constant battle ground. Whether we want to admit it or not, we are in the midst of a battle and there is an enemy who is seeking to bring us down and destroy us. We don't want the easy life, we want to stand up and fight, no matter what it costs. After all, these days will fade, these trials are only momentary; someday we will stand in the throne room of God and not one of these painful seasons will be on our minds as we stand in awe, worshiping the God of the Universe.


I just want to encourage you today. Whatever you are going through right now, however painful, impossible or hopeless things may seem, if you can truly keep your eyes on Christ and seek Him in the moment, He will be your rest and hope. There is a peace and joy in serving the Lord and putting Him at the forefront of everything you do and think. I have been in some dark valleys throughout my walk, but never once has my God forsaken and abandoned me.


With an Earnest Love,
Leah

A Secret Story

This blog was first put together when I felt the tugging on my heart to share my story with you; to take you along for the incredible journey God has set my feet upon. My whole life has been a constant change of seasons, filled with valleys, deserts, and rocky mountain roads. God has been working, leading and challenging me for as long as I can remember. He has been drawing me near, teaching me, and showing me more and more of His heart. 

I haven't had it easy; if you've been following my story you have watched and followed some of what God has brought me through. While it is never easy in the moment, I wouldn't change anything I've gone through because while it's been hard and filled with pain, it has brought me closer to knowing the God I love and serve. My greatest hope and desire is that, no matter how hard life gets or what I will go through, that I can bring God glory through it. I want to share my life with you because I want to be a transparent vessel for Christ. Perhaps my suffering and my victories can be for your benefit too. 

That is why I feel compelled to share this other part of my life that I've kept to myself; a secret I buried deep in my heart, ashamed, and embarrassed to admit. I've suffered silently through the past three years, looking for answers physically, spiritually and emotionally. Through this past year, as I've found healing through Christ, it has become apparent to me that I can keep quiet no longer. I have prayed and sought the Lord in this and I can no longer deny the clear direction God has put in my heart to share and encourage others through it. 

This is the testimony I am currently uploading on the web page my friend and I are putting together as a biblical support group. You may already be familiar with parts and pieces of this testimony but in oder to understand the significance of what God has done in me through all of this I wanted to share the story as I wrote it. 

I don't know what God will do through my story in the lives of other women and couples, but I do know that if God could work in my marriage the way He has despite my handicaps then I want to stand up for other women and marriages that may be struggling to understand the great mission we have and true intimacy God gives us through marriage for the sake of His glory. I want to be bold and stand with other women for Christ. 

Here is my story:

My name is Leah Jaffrey, ( most of you may know me) I am a young wife, a mother of two girls, and a disciple of Christ. While on the outside, I may seem to be a normal woman, I have carried a secret that has been a heavy burden these past few years. There is a shame and guilt that has challenged and haunted my life as a wife and woman since the day I married my dear husband. It has had an effect on my marriage, my self-identity, my health, and my view of God. It has forced me to rethink and reexamine everything I thought God intended and looked for in marriage; everything I thought I knew. 

After a long distance relationship for three and a half years and a long year of trying to get my parents blessing for marriage, to an impossibly difficult situation and choice in our engagement, to a wedding that I couldn’t have ever prepared myself enough for- I found out that I was a woman with a rare condition that would instigate trauma, debilitating pain, and the inability to know my husband through physically intimacy. 

My husband is my best friend, the one I most respect, desire to serve, and will always fight for. We haven’t had it easy from the day we met, but our love has grown through the years. We learned to fiercely protect, preserve, and fight for what God has given us. We had to learn early on in our courting years how to work together and pursue God through the storms. We had to learn to put Him first and obey Him and His word above our own desires. While we were in no way prepared for the reality we would have to face together after we got married, we did have experience in pushing through the storms and turning to God through them. 

When I learned that I wouldn’t be able to have sex with my husband anymore, (never without debilitating pain) I was left with so many questions, guilt, and a heavy curtain of shame I couldn’t shake off. I had doctors, friends, and family members both indicate and out-right say things like, ‘I wouldn’t blame him if he left you’ or ‘Your poor husband, you are going to have to work extra hard to please him in every way you can so he doesn’t hate you or resent you.‘ There have been messages after messages of the shame I had become to the one I loved so much and I started to believe them.   

My husband has never made a big deal about my condition, or what I can’t give him. He has been an incredible example of self-sacrificing love and has fervently protected and fought for me despite the words and voices bombarding my life so suddenly. But nothing could change the fact that I felt like I was a failure and less of a woman because I couldn’t do one of the main things a wife was expected to perform, in ways even scripture taught. I couldn’t understand why God would allow this area of our lives to be so dramatically challenged. If I was to be a godly wife, why would I not be able to do the very thing I am commanded to do for my husband?

Since my diagnosis, I’ve battled not just guilt and shame, but also PTSD which has caused pseudo seizures, a panic disorder, and depression. It has ultimately effected my life in ways I never anticipated. I felt stripped, left naked and exposed to the world. In my eyes, I felt like God had taken away my ability to be a good wife, my ability to have a home filled with our children, my emotional health, and all my hopes and dreams I ever carried in my heart. All I wanted growing up was to marry a man of God and raise our many children. I wanted to have a big house filled with the pitter-patter of children’s feet, our doors open to the needs of the world and tender to the calling of God’s commission. Yet here I was, 20 years old, with a husband I couldn’t love (by the worlds standards), a baby I couldn’t be left alone with because I was suffering so severely with seizures and emotional instability, due to my physical diagnosis no chance at getting pregnant ever again, and no hope with a future in ministry due to my paralyzed spiritual and emotional state of being.

Long story short, God took me through a time of great healing spiritually and emotionally. My husband and I ended up moving in with my parents while God took me through a journey of healing and restoration. He slowly started working in my heart and showing me the truth in His word and His design for my life. I stopped feeling sorry for myself and for my husband. I stopped giving into the pressure of guilt and shame from the world around me. That doesn’t mean that I don’t still struggle with pangs of guilt here and there, but my heart attitude towards my husband and acceptance of who I was, freed me to discover and love my husband the way Christ loves the church. My husband and I have set out on a journey of rediscovering intimacy the way God designed marriages rather than what the world and often times even the church promotes. 

I had hit rock bottom, but God raised me up and out of the pit. He put my feet on a rock and gave me direction. While this road is never going to be easy, I will walk through the valleys and up the mountains and trust that no matter what I may face, God can use me and my desires to serve Him where I am.  

My heart’s desire is to draw women back to Christ, back into marriages that are filled with tender love and steadfast determination to live out the calling that God has placed on our marriages. If God can use me through my weakness, baggage, and shortcomings, and if I can pursue a marriage filled with a deep incomparable intimacy, then God can certainly use and work through you. Even for us women, who walk through our lives carrying deep burdens of guilt and shame, or baggage from trauma and tragedies in our past, there is hope. Through God anything is possible, especially when we are pursuing Him above all else. We don’t have to be captives of the world or ourselves - In Christ there is true freedom, even for us. 

With an Earnest Love,

Leah J.

When God Stretches

Most of you know that the last few months haven't been easy for us. The pregnancy with little Eve has been wrought with uncertainty, sickness and unusual circumstances from day one. Throughout this past month in particular, we have been stretched and tested in ways that we couldn't have ever imagined. While incredulous at times, these circumstances that have invaded our lives are not without the presence and leadership of God; sometimes we just have to be reminded that God is bigger than anything we could face. 

If you are up for a little story, I have one to share that has taught me so much about the grace and courage of that comes from God. 

Once upon a time, we were told and had accepted the fact that we could never have another baby. Nevertheless we were surprised on Christmas eve with one of the most precious gifts we have ever received. It was the night that God stopped us in our tracks and humbled us in ways we couldn't have imagined. There is nothing like having God visit you and tell you that He had chosen you to do the impossible; that despite everything we had believed, God was making it possible. We were going to be parents again. 

While little Eve is growing and thriving with ease inside the protection of my womb, most days it appears that the world is literally trying to take me down- physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Beginning with infection after infection, doctor appointments every week for early onset contractions, to then having an allergic reaction to one of the only medicines that could possibly help hold off preterm labor. (By-the-way, the percentage of women to have any kind of reaction to this medication are %0.2) Since then we have faced flu after flu only to find out that somehow I managed to get a tick on me which resulted in a bulls-eye rash which was immediately diagnosed as Lyme disease. After a few weeks, it was apparent that something else was going on, so after seeing a few specialists, I was diagnosed with a strange fungus which had taken over the lower part of my torso. We are still not sure if I have Lyme in addition to the fungus or if the bulls-eye rash was never truly from the tick. So a blood test was ordered and within the next few weeks I should have the results and hopefully some peace of mind over that issue. 

The story doesn't end there however. After almost a year seizure free, my seizures and panic attacks suddenly started to come back in floods, causing even more contractions and often times debilitating pain. Then, about a day following the diagnosis for the fungus, I was outside letting the little one play in the grass and suddenly felt a pin-prick in my right leg. The grass was so tall I couldn't see what was on me, so I flung my foot quickly and the mysterious culprit scurried off. Later on while inspecting the bite I was horrified to see two fang marks in my leg which were already bruised and red. It must have been a large spider to leave a mark like that. I didn't really think anything more of it until a few days passed and I noticed a huge sore had appeared on my leg accompanied by pain. Thinking it might be infected I called my doctor and was advised to put heat compresses on it every hour until I could be seen by a professional. So for the next two days I put heat on it and gross green/yellow fluids started streaming down my leg....seriously it was abhorrent beyond description. I was advised to have it looked at by the ED that weekend, only I suddenly had symptoms pointing to the onset of true preterm labor. I was instead rushed to the Labor and Delivery where I was monitored and evaluated for the next few hours. Still not entirely sure what was going on, we were all relieved to see that whether in labor or not the baby was doing well and did not appear to be coming into this big world yet. So we were sent home with instructions to rest and drink plenty of fluids...and to go to the ED or Urgent care to have my leg looked at (which continued to look worse).  

Bright and early the following morning, with a coffee in hand and hope for relief I finally went into the ED to get my leg evaluated. What I didn't expect was the diagnoses that I had toxic poison eating my leg away in addition to a sweltering infection. Unbeknownst to me at the time, those heat compresses literally saved my leg by drawing out the poison that could have had dire effects on my body.  The doctors I've been seeing for the bite, are fairly convinced that it was either caused by a Brown Recluse, or Yellow Sac Spider...Seriously, what are the odds? 

I am now 27 weeks pregnant and physically struggling to function day to day. It has seemed at times that the world is totally against me, that there is some unseen force struggling to take me and my unborn baby down any way possible. At first everything was so overwhelming and it started to drain me more spiritually than it was physically. I felt like I was facing every kind of storm I could face at the same time, with no clear direction or hope, but today I feel more alive and at peace than I have in quiet a while. No matter what I face or what surprises us, God is showing me that when I come to Him for strength and courage, that nothing can separate me from His love and comfort. A spider that could have killed me was not too much for God to handle. He has been holding me and this baby through every storm and while I can't know what else I might face in the next coming weeks/months I do know that I have a God that is greater than anything waiting for me. 

I am exhausted and relying on family and friends to help me through the remainder of this pregnancy, but I am amazed by the grace of a God that heals, protects and speaks to little me. I am no one special. I am just an ordinary young mom and wife, but God can still use and speak to me, regardless of what I am going through!  

I am praising God that I am still carrying this baby for another day, I am surrounded by friends and family and a church that is pouring into me and helping my family through this season, I have been blessed with extraordinary relationships and ministry opportunities, a husband that is providing through God's grace, our 18 month old who fills our lives with insurmountable joy and love, and an opportunity to serve even though I'm mostly restricted to my bed. 

God may be stretching me, but He is drawing me near to Him too. He has shown me more grace and courage than I've ever experienced before. 

Minimalist Us - One Year Later

Almost a year ago, we had a moment as a family when we realized something had to change. We prayed, sought direction through scripture and counsel, and made a choice. Our lives have changed so much in this past year. Our home is becoming more clutter-free and less time consuming to maintain, our spending has been transformed, but more than all of this, our hearts and family dynamic have been the most dramatically changed. We knew we needed to make a change a year ago, and we knew that the process would be slow and continual, but we did not realize how deeply it would touch every area of our lives, both prominent and obscure.  Though the application has been difficult, and the journey has filled with good and bad days, we wouldn't change it for anything. 

We set out to free our hearts from the trap of worldly materialistic living. We wanted to get rid of idols, distractions, and temptations that were pulling our minds and hearts away from Christ. We wanted to change the way we thought and lived. We wanted our lives to reflect the presence of a Savior instead of a self-pleaser. We wanted God to be the center and deliberate thought in everything we decided as a family- in finances, food, and entertainment. We started making little changes, getting rid of little things, making little decisions about money, choosing to spend our time differently, eat differently and here we are today living a radically different life.

As we have moved and unpacked, we have donated more than we kept. Neither of us realized how much we saved and kept over the years that was nothing more than empty clutter. We have changed the way we thought about needs versus wants and found great joy in owning less, needing less, and wanting less. Our eating habits have changed completely, through simplifying, and going more natural. The need to be entertained diminishes everyday as we discover new ways to bond and relax as a family.

*We actually sold our Wii console, got rid of our Netflix subscription, and Alex sold his computer (games included) and haven't regretted a day of it.

While there is nothing wrong in owning things and finding joy in entertainment, we have discovered along this road that putting things like this away from us (even if just temporary) has actually forced us to be more honest with ourselves, each other, and focused on Jesus. We love our life with our family and hope to keep walking down this road together finding more ways to live more simply and focused on God, family, church and community.

The way we spend our money, and more importantly the way we think about our money has completely transformed. There is a part of us that wishes we could fly back in time and kick our younger selves in the butts when it came to the way we use to fritter away the resources God gave us. Our money is no longer our money, it's a tool that God gave us to live and serve the church with. It isn't about what we can afford or what we can do, it's about making sure that we use whatever we do have in the most effective way we can to live and serve God to the fullest. Unfortunately, this has probably proved to be one of the most frustrating areas we have had to work on...we have made so many mistakes, but God is gracious and merciful to us in-spite of our short comings. He is ever patient and invested in teaching us to be more like Him.

One of the biggest moments for us in this whole process was probably putting together our baby registry for little Evelyn (since we have to essentially start over). Our idea of needs versus wants and the contentment we have found in the small list was a huge testament as to how much our hearts have truly changed throughout this whole process. We have absolutely no desire to own things we don't need. If we can live comfortably without it, then we don't want it. We would rather invest our money, time and hearts into things that matter, such as: the body of Christ, date nights, teaching and raising our kids to be head over heels in-love with this incredible God we serve. We want our lives, home, and decision to reflect a family invested on becoming as Christ like as we can be and our hearts more and more consumed in Christ instead of this world.


This journey is not a one year project; its going to be a life time investment, intentional in attitude and lifestyle. It is a journey in which we will both rise and fall, but through it all continue to walk and pursue God with fervent hearts and faces pointed heavenward praying for God's leadership. If there is one thing that is true in this last year, it is that, without God; His direction and leadership, our efforts and practice would have left us as empty and hopeless as the day we began this road together. Nothing we have accomplished thus far, would have been possible apart from the work God has done in our hearts and continues to do as we go.

Our first year anniversary on this road is just a glimpse into the beautiful life God has in store for our constantly growing family.




With an Earnest Love,

Leah

  

Boy or Girl

It's a girl!! 

It is no secret that we were hoping for a boy. It may have been due to the fact that we know we probably won't have anymore of our own kids, and we already had the opportunity to experience the joy of a little girl so a little boy would give us the blessing of both. Or it may have had everything to do with the part of me as a little girl that dreamed of a house full of little boys. Regardless we were delighted and relieved to find out that we were having another little girl. 

This little girl is such a blessing to us already. She is a little gift we can't wait to hold in our arms. A miracle that God chose us to know and watch grow. This child is a gift of life. We had a name picked out early on in the case that she was a girl, but somewhere along the way Mr. J. decided on Evelyn. It was a fun surprise when we learned that Evelyn means gift of life from God. It was as if God had picked the name before we had even fully realized the significance behind it. 

We only have a few months left to prepare for this little girl but we are so excited for the day we will get to bring her home and introduce her to you all. 

With an Earnest Love,

Leah

From a New Mom to Her Own Mom

Dear Mom,

          I didn’t realize how much work, time, worry, and love you gave and sacrificed for me until I became a mom myself. Looking at my little one year old today, while feeling the kicking baby in my womb gives me such a deep appreciation and understanding of what it meant for you to be my mom. 

           Motherhood is hard work. I’ve never been so tired, so stressed, so worried about every little thing about my growing daughter as I’ve been this past year.  I’ve also never experienced a love like this before. Becoming a mom has shown me what passionate dedication it takes to raising a child; what a deep, sacrificial love it takes to teach and help my child learn and grow. I worry about what she eats, how she sleeps, what she is learning and has failed to learn. I worry about her love for Jesus and how I can teach her how to love Him more; to know Him. I worry about the little things, like temper-tantrums and moments of rebellion. I worry that I’m not doing enough, giving enough, teaching enough, loving enough. 

         I prayed for my daughter, wished for her, dreamed for her, and now that God gave her to me I couldn’t imagine loving her anymore. Yet, as she grows so does the bond I have with her. The joy of sacrificing for her needs and wants far exceeds anything I imagined. But this is nothing new to you. You prayed for me, wished for me and wanted me before I was born. When I came, you spent your years giving and sacrificing for me in ways I couldn’t see, didn’t understand, and never acknowledged. You gave to me and your six other kids for the last 21 years and you are still giving and serving day after day. 

           I know there have been days growing up, when I struggled to understand you and appreciate you; when I struggled to see and feel your love. But today as I walk my fussy baby around the house and struggle to find time to pee, I think of you and see the little/big things you did and still do for me and all your kids. My love for my kids is only showing me the tip of the iceberg. I’ve only been a mom for such a short time, but you have spent the majority of your life sacrificing and loving your kids. I still have so much to learn from you.

         I appreciate you and the sacrifices you have made for me. I can see the time and thought, (and probably tears) that went into raising me to be a child after God’s heart. While I’m not a perfect replica of you, I hope I can put as much love and sacrifice into my role as a mom as you did for me. I want you to know that as I struggle and learn, during my bad days and good, I’ll be thinking of you and all the love that you poured into me day after day, year after year.

I love you.

With an Earnest Love,

From a new mom to her own mom,

Leah

When I'm in My Car

I am currently sitting in my car, windows down, with the stillness and the song of morning filling my ears and heart with a refreshing peace. I find that my favorite time of the day is when I am sitting in my car, in the morning, after dropping off my incredibly handsome husband at work, while I let my toddler sleep and enjoy the distraction free minutes of quiet reflection fuel me for the day that awaits me.

There is nothing quiet like a sleeping toddler and the warm sun on my face while I pray for strength and wisdom for the day. I am beginning to realize that these days and moments grow short as we approach the day when my arms will be filled with the joy of another baby. These spring and early summer days may be some of the last moments I have to bask so freely in the thoughts of my own heart. So I am taking the time and making a point to find as many moments like this that I can before my life invites more noise and love to fill my time and thoughts. I'm treasuring these mornings of prayer, and quiet time with the Lord. 

I know and God knows that I need it.

This mothering and wife thing is much more difficult than I thought it would be. I think there was a part of me that assumed it would just come naturally to me. After all, I was the oldest of seven kids, I nannied many families through the first several years and I grew up with my husband. I thought I would be equipped and prepared to take on this new life style. I thought I was grown up enough and experienced enough to have the answers. 

The reality is that I've never felt so unprepared and ill equipped. I've never felt such a burden and need to pray, to seek the Lords direction in so many things, both little and big. I don't have all the answers and I'm no where near having it all figured out. My daughter baffles me day by day and I'm learning that marriage is so much harder than I thought it could be (especially for us, considering all we went through leading up to our marriage and the struggles we faced the first few years). 

God is showing me and teaching me how to be a proverbs 31 wife, mother and woman in a whole new light. I assumed that this woman had it all together on her own, but apart from Christ and the leading of the Holy Spirit, can any woman honestly expect the perfection this woman portrays to come naturally and easily? I think I did. Subconsciously. 

But why would I need God if I had it all together?

I'm learning to cling to Him, seek Him, and admit to myself that I don't have it all together. My days with my daughter are so much brighter and more enjoyable when I am willing to lean on God and not try to pretend that I have it all together. My marriage is deeper and more intimate the more I humbly admit that I don't know how to love my husband like Christ and in turn pray for God to show and teach me. 

My frustrations and disappointments in myself are slowly changing and becoming prayers instead. I am expecting less perfection of myself and more of God in my life. Instead of studying the proverbs 31 woman inside and out, I'm praying more often that God would create in me a woman after His own heart. 

My mornings in my car, in the stillness of Christ are the most productive moments of my day. It is in the quiet that my heart comes in earnest before God and He fills my heart with gentle reminders and the tools I need to get through the day.

Even though these mornings won't last forever, I know that as my home grows and my heart fills with love, I will need to find time to drawn near to God in quiet, stillness so I can continue to grow in Him and fight against the urges to do it all on my own.

Where are your quiet moments? When does God comfort and speak to you the most? 

With an Earnest Love,

Leah

Life With The Jaffrey's (Pregnancy Update and so on)

 As I have shared in my previous post, things have been kind of crazy lately. Especially with the pregnancy. We know that our friends and family are having a hard time keeping tabs with us since we aren't on Facebook for the time being, so we wanted to give you guys an update and let you all know how we are doing and what we may be facing in the near future.

Charlie is growing so fast! She has transitioned into a toddler bed, is speaking two-three word sentences and daily surprising us with new words. She is exploring and discovering a whole world of imaginary play. We are continually amazed at how well she is developing and how quickly she is picking up new things. She is very independent and determined to be like mommy and daddy in every way she can be. She still hates anything super sweet (cake, cookies, candy, ect.) unless it is chocolate. We aren't complaining as it makes feeding her super easy and healthy. Her favorite show is Curious George, and her two favorite movies are Despicable Me and Wreck It Ralph. She loves bunnies and hippos. Her favorites toys are her baby dolls, and play kitchen set. She loves to read (as long as she is the one reading and turning the pages), sing (she is working on singing the ABC's), and to dance. We are loving watching her grow and learn.

On another note, her leg and left side are still not doing better. She has very poor balance and a limp most days, with fevers consistently off and on. We are still working very hard with her Pediatric Neurologist to figure out what is going on. The good news is that it sounds like no matter what it ends up being, we should be able to treat her with physical therapy and some extra love and she should eventually be able to work through it and live a normal life. We just have to figure out what the source is so that we can determine a treatment plan that will help her.

It is really hard as a parent to see our daughter struggle so much so consistently. There are days when we struggle to have the patience and understanding she needs, and the knowledge to help her. Despite her pain and our frustrations she is still such a joy and delight. She has taught us so much through the last few months and continues to astound us day by day.


Mr. J. is doing great in his new job and has been continually blessed  with where God has put him. We are so excited to see where God leads him through this career, and where He will ultimately lead our family. I'm so proud of how hard Mr. J continues to work and provide for us and how hard he works on honoring God in the work place...even when it could cost him his job.

      ************************************************

The pregnancy has been quiet difficult so far, and leaving the fear of an early delivery more and more prevalent. As it was with our pregnancy with Charlotte, we are left feeling at a loss with the continual complications I face week by week and the deep fear of an early delivery. It seems that as soon as we figure one issue out another one meets us by morning, leaving us feeling more and more hopeless.

But hopelessness is not an option with God. This past week He has really had to remind me that this baby in my belly, is not just an accident. This baby was a God given miracle. This baby would not exist without His hand. This is His baby. As much as I love my children, my love is still lacking; I love with an imperfect love. I have to remember that God loves these babies of mine with a perfect love. While I would endure and sacrifice anything for my children, He would give and suffer more.

This child in my womb is out of my hands, out of my doctors hands, resting only in God's hands. If He could miraculously give me another baby, then I can certainly trust Him to take care of this baby. In addition to this baby, I can also trust that He will take care of me. He is the only one who can give me the strength physically to bear the pain and suffering this pregnancy has brought, He can give my heart the peace and courage to walk through it until the end, and He can use my story and experience to bring Himself glory.

The truth is, when I wake in the mornings, there are somedays that I am not ready to face what I know the day will hold. The truth is, I am terrified of what may wait down the road for this baby and myself. The truth is, I am tired of carrying this burden of pain. There are days when all I can do is ask God "why me?" It's so hard to remember in the moment, that God is so much greater than these smalls days and moments of pain.


But there are also days, when the pain isn't so bad, and my heart is encouraged in Christ through my husband and friends and family. There are days when God reminds me that all of these little moments will be so worth it, and that He has a plan for this child and my life.

I do ask "Why me?" But I have to remember that I also have prayed and asked God to use me and my life to bring glory and honor to His name. I have begged Him to use me and to grow me in Him and through Him. I shouldn't be surprised or taken aback when things grow hard and I weary. He is giving me everything I have ever wanted. My sufferings and my struggles are an opportunity to exalt and grow in Him.



On the bright side, I am pregnant when I thought I'd never be able to experience the wonder and miracle of bearing another child. The baby is very healthy and active. We are more than half way through it! I have not been put on bed rest. I'm encouraged to walk outside and eat cookies. More than all of this, I've been given one greatest honors and blessings of carrying and mothering another one of God's children. There is no greater blessing in my life than serving God through my husband and children. I am an incredibly blessed woman and humbled by God's mercy in my life.


To end this little update, The Jaffrey family still doesn't have it all together, but we are growing (physically and spiritually), learning life together and loving it. While with life comes times of hardship and trials, there are also many incredible moments of life and beauty among them. We don't have a lot materially, but together, through God's grace we thrive on the treasures He pours over us day by day.



With an Earnest Love,
Leah

Giving the World back to God

Life in the Jaffrey household has been and will continue to be entirely unpredictable. Both of my children; the unborn and the rambunctious toddler (currently “washing” my entire living room with the baby wipes I found strewn across my floor), have given me far too many grey hairs (hubby says they are blonde, but I can’t see past the grey tint in them). My little unborn is trying to come way too early...way too early, requiring much extra care and caution physically for myself. In addition, my little toddler has been having far more bad days than good physically with her mysterious leg pain and fevers; these also require extra attention, patience, care, and did I mention patience? 

I have found myself struggling more and more throughout the course of the pregnancy and the process we are walking with the doctors as we attempt to discover the source of the pain and discomfort the battles. I’m fighting depression, and if I’m really honest, I’m struggling to find contentment and peace in where God has me. I am crusading against anxiety and the desire for control. I am scrambling to find balance in my role as a mom, wife, homemaker, and disciple of Christ. 

I want to do it all...but I can’t. 

The reality is I’ve been caught in the act of burying all of my fears, questions and frustrations. For many months I didn’t even realize that I was afraid and frustrated. I refused to identify it and deal with it. So here I am three to four months later, trying to make everything work, letting myself, my family, and more importantly God down. I’ve fallen back into ugly habits of trusting in myself instead of God and the consequence has been that I’m now battling panic attacks and depression. My distrust and lack of confidence in God has resulted in behavior and an attitude that not only effects me but everyone around me, including but not limited to: my unborn child, needy toddler and stressed husband. 

As I was spending some quiet time this morning, I read a phrase in one of my devotionals that deeply touched and convicted my heart: 

“In our impatient, instant-everything society, waiting on God is not easy. We often picture waiting as something passive, much like twiddling our thumbs. But waiting on God is intensely active. It requires us to ‘trust in the Lord with all [our] heart and lean not on [our] own understanding’ (Proverbs 3:5)”  

- An excerpt from the book: After God’s Heart  

Written by Myrna Alexander 

Waiting on God is intensely active. It is something I forget to do, grow lazy in, grow weary from, give up on. Time and time again I am reminded that trusting in and waiting on God’s direction and answers is not something I simply choose and profess. Trusting in God is a daily, moment by moment choice, laying down of self, exalting of God’s character and promises. It is choosing not to give into natural lusting for sinful self preservation and provisions. It is choosing to put God first in every circumstance. 

Myrna Alexanders reminder revealed to me the heart of my anxiety and depression. God opened the eyes of my heart to the trap I had fallen into...again. 

God knows how stressful and difficult both this pregnancy and my daughters special need are. He knows the needs of my heart, my physical being, and family. He understands better than anyone else ever could, the burden and fears I face every morning when I wake up with a screaming toddler and hard contractions. He says “Trust Me, I am your Provider, Protector, Deliverer, and Father. My will is sovereign, I am for you not against you.” 

These are the truths I have to remind myself morning after morning, day by day. When I am tempted to let fears rule my heart and life and when I am found giving into my sinful flesh. God is walking these days with me, whatever happens with the baby in my womb, or whatever we discover and face with our little girl. God is greater than anything I walk into. He alone can give me the strength and peace I need to be a mom, wife, and friend who brings Him the glory.

I have a feeling that my life will be filled with moments when I try to take on the world on my shoulders, and many more moments when I am reminded to give the world back to God. 

So as one mom, wife, and disciple of Christ to another, even though it is so easy to let the things in our lives pull us down we have to remind each other and be encouraged that God always has and always will be carrying our world for us and with us. 

With an Earnest Love,

Leah

We Are All Angels

The last few weeks have been in short...hectic. My pregnant self is finding that life is quiet a bit more challenging than before. After trying to start my car with velcro strips instead of keys, or locking myself out of our house without either sets of keys, or pour water into a rice cooker without the pot insert,  I'm realizing that those pregnancy hormones are making themselves at home and stealing away my brain cells little by little. After the last two days I'm scared of myself...who knows what silly, brainless, terrifying thing I am going to accomplish next. I feel bad for my husband.

The last few days in particular have been probably the worst days I've had in a long time. When things seemed to be as bad as they could be, they just got worse. That's how it worked. In tears and totally completely overwhelmed and shocked at the impossibly worst degree of forgetfulness I've ever experienced in my entire life, still God puts angels in my path and the horrible, terrible no good day gets a little better. For a moment things seem a little brighter as sympathetic kindness moves me to tears in spite of the momentary drama.

Long story short (because trust me, you do not have time to hear the whole story, besides I'm pretty sure it would be a terribly boring narration), God reminded me through several people over the last two days, that a smile can go a very, very long way in encouraging some stranger or friend or sister. My sister was such an incredible blessing yesterday, despite a set back, her gracious and willing help made a very overwhelming frustrating shopping trip possible and her quiet gentle heart filled me with such peace and encouragement. Then at Wegmans (the best grocery store ever) an elderly gentleman was all the difference with his smiles and patient understanding as our checkout took...forever and ever.

I was reminded that no matter what we are going through or what we are doing, we all have the ability to be angels. Smiles really do make a difference. Undeserved kindness calms even the wildest storms. The way we look, treat and serve our families, friends, neighbors and strangers has such a great impact.

As I was venting to my husband after he got home from work, what originally were tears of frustration turned to tears of thankfulness as I shared with him the moments from my day that made it all the easier to bear. I want my smiles to be intentional. I want to have a servants heart like Christ, that no matter what I am going through at the time, I can still pour into the lives of the people around me...I never know when I may be an angel of kindness or that light of Christ that gets someone through the day.

Thank you Sister, Old Man at Wegmans, Guy who let my pass on the road, Husband who listened to me cry, and Friend who came and gave me tenderhearted company. You were my angels of kindness and God reminded me of His tender love through you.


On another note, we love our new home, our new kittens, and are falling more and more in love with the child running around wrecking havoc and the bump continuing to grow steadfastly on my abdomen...and each other and God. I will post pictures of our new place later for you!


With an Earnest Love,
Leah


Meet Aidan and Gwen our little kittens

(For some reason Aidan loves Charlotte and will
let her do pretty much anything to him without
complaint. We are so thankful to have such a
forgiving kitten and Charlie to have such a fun play
mate)

One Word. Amber

It's Monday again. The first Monday of March to be exact. I know it's two months past when I attempted to start my Monday Posts for you, but I am finally getting my butt in gear.... Maybe not entirely...but mostly...trying. 

I'm human.

This week, I really want to share with you this amazing product that has saved us so much pain and tears! Charlotte has had a most terrible bout with teething. With tears and many a sleepless night, I started searching the internet for some relief for the baby.

One word. Amber.

I didn't even know what amber was until a sweet mom shared how it was helping her little girl with her breaking teeth. I vaguely remember seeing babies with stone like necklaces throughout my nannying life, and I always thought it was a little odd to have one on a baby. After learning more about amber, I get it...and I might have become one of those crazy mom's who get on the band wagon for natural remedies for kids.

 Amber necklaces are an old healing remedy that is still widely practiced throughout Europe today. Amber is a fossilized resin that once warmed against the skin releases a natural pain reliever that is absorbed directly into the blood stream. Powerful and safe, amber has been used for centuries across the world for children and adults alike. It has amazing healing benefits that help with things like arthritis, anxiety, chronic illnesses, respiratory, circulatory, and teething pain. Some people claim it can help with kidney and bladder problems as well. As long as some part of the jewelry is touching your skin consistently the oils are being absorbed in your body.

I was a little skeptical at first. I mean...really? Despite my doubt, out of desperation I bought one for Charlotte.

It's only been two days, but the dramatic difference in Charlie has me convinced. I am a believer. My once miserable, sleep deprived and uncomfortable toddler is now running around happy and energize. For the first time since she was born she has slept through the night two night in a row, and her drooling as completely stopped. We have only had to give her infant Motrin twice in the last two days, instead of days of counting the minutes before we could give her the next dose.

Mamma's if you have never heard of amber necklaces for your babies, I encourage you to look into it and do some research! I got Charlie's necklace of amazon for $16 which you can find here --> Amber Necklace


With an Earnest Love,
Leah

A Glimpse Into Our First Month

We are a few days shy of our first complete month without electronic entertainment. While we have made a huge change in our use of TV and computers, we have also had huge changes in several other areas in our life that have distracted us from our venture. I guess, we've just been so busy unpacking and...well just living, that we haven't had much time to think about entertainment in general. It hasn't been nearly as difficult as we thought it would initially be. 

The hardest part for me has been getting through the afternoons with an exhausted sleep deprived baby and sleep deprived, pregnant me. I would have so enjoyed laying in bed with my toddler watching a little comfort TV. Instead, with Baby Einstein on loop (just for a little noise in the some what startling silence of our home), we would sit on the floor and look at books, cry, play with her little toys, cry and finally make some dinner and go to bed. I was so surprised when I kind of had to relearn entertaining a toddler without TV. The first few days I actually felt a little lost. I wasn't sure what to do with her. I didn't realize that I had become so dependent on the TV or my siblings to keep my little one distracted and occupied. 

The good news: We are learning.... more everyday. 

I do have to mention how incredibly proud I am of my husband through this process! Not only has he stepped away from video games completely, after a few weeks of being free of the distractions he discovered a huge change in his ability to focus, think and interact with others. He was so convicted with the change he felt and experienced he actually sold his laptop so that it wouldn't be a temptation! I am swelling with pride and admiration in the devotion he has shown to his family and his relationship with Christ. 

On another note, not watching TV every night, or being on Facebook before bed, has made a huge difference in my ability to fall asleep and stay asleep. It has also improved my ability to think more clearly and focus on the things that are right in front of me.

Everyday brings more freedom, more intimacy with my family, friends and most importantly God. Without distractions and meaningless entertainment we are spending much more quality time together and our conversations are becoming deeper and richly infused with intimacy and knowledge of each others hearts. 

As we approach this new month, I wonder if it will become more of a challenge as we settle into our new routine? I guess we will have to wait and see. In any case, if one month could profit such freedom, I wonder what is to come in the following year. 

Would you consider trying a year without electronic entertainment? Why or why not?

We are thinking of you all!

With an Earnest Love,

Leah

Nothing is Impossible with God

 We have not been strangers to supernatural God ordained miracles. Once again, we have been incredibly humbled, deeply touched and blessed in one of the most incredibly intimate ways God could have intervened in our doubting hearts. We shared with you several months ago that we were told that we wouldn’t be able to conceive and carry a baby of our own again. We have a special case and situation that makes getting pregnant very difficult, near impossible (we presumed impossible), and in addition my doctors have been concerned for my health and the probability of carrying a healthy baby if we did happen to get pregnant by some bizarre circumstance. Near impossible and doubtably unsafe, over the course of the summer as part of my mourning and struggle to deal with the reality of not holding another child of my own, I let go of all of our baby stuff that Charlotte had out grown and I let go of my dream. I wept and beat my breast in protest and then in absolute defeat I buried my dream deep and apart from myself. 

I had to let it go. It was impossible. So, of course we would pursue adoption. We would save and save, study, plan, pray and prepare our hearts for the lost children waiting for us. We are still saving, studying, planning and praying, but God is sovereign, and He had shown us that the time to adopt is not now. So we began taking a few steps back and turned our focus back on our relationship with Christ and our little family. 

Then over Christmas a miracle meets us in our broken and struggling faith. God spoke; He speaks in many ways, sometime more distinctly and sometimes subtly. When God spoke to us, through His God ways, He spoke so clearly and with such authority and love that we could not deny His voice. What we heard brought us to our knees in startled amazement: “You are going to have a baby. Through My hand alone, you will experience the beauty and joy of bearing another child into this world.” He might as well have said: “You say that this is impossible, but I tell you that NOTHING is impossible for Me.” 

A few weeks later a bright pink plus sign validated and proved the incredible miracle growing inside of me. For indeed, as God revealed to us, we are pregnant again; against all the odds and our doubting hearts, only just over a year after giving birth to our first child. God has a plan for our lives that we haven’t even begun to understand or foresee. We can’t begin to imagine where God is going to lead us or how He is going to use us for His glory through this life. Just when we think we have things figured out and a sound decision or plan to pursue for our family, He brings us to our knees in humility and shows us that our ways are not His ways. This baby is just another step down the road He is leading us and once again, we have been incredibly humbled and left in awe at His hand in our simple little lives. 

Our greatest fear in having another baby has been the health of the baby through the pregnancy and my health. The week our pregnancy was confirmed, I started to panic, but I felt the Lord impressing on my heart that He would carry us through this pregnancy. I didn’t need to be afraid. After meeting with my doctor and discussing the concerns we are all very surprised that I’ve not had any complications so far. Though I am still considered a high-risk pregnancy due to our complications with Charlotte, if God decided to give us a baby against the odds, than I can trust that whatever the pregnancy holds, He has us in His hands the whole way through. So peace fills my heart where fear and anxiety use to occupy. 

Dear friends and family, brothers and sisters in Christ, we are having another baby and we are not the least bit prepared but we are excited none-the-less. We are determined to take each day through this pregnancy with joy and savor the blessing it is to carry an unborn child inside me. When I was pregnant with Charlotte, it was a magical and amazing experience to say the least, but it was also wrought with so many complications, stress and pain that it ended up putting kind of a damper on the whole event. This time around I want to embrace the pregnancy and relish in the miracle of life budding inside me. 

Nothing is impossible with God. We learn that more everyday. I will be reminded daily for the rest of my life with every baby kick and slobbery kiss, that God is greater than I. As I cherish these moments as my stomach grows and the little flutters of baby toes, and look forward to the day when I’ll hold in my child in my arms I will remember that truly nothing is impossible with my God. 

*As an note, though we can't read or respond to your comments and questions on Facebook, we can get comments here on the blog! Feel free to leave a comment if you want to! We would love to hear from you!

With an Earnest Love,

Leah