Simplifying & Minimizing Project- $aving My Wardrobe

Hi Everyone,

         So as we have been taking this journey through simplifying our thoughts and lifestyle to ultimately draw us closer in our walk with the Lord and as a family, we have been working through different ways we can be more financially aware and smart. Our goal is to spend as little as possible on things we don't need, that don't help our relationship with God, our family, or the body of Christ and that doesn't give to those in need. We want the way we spend our money to reflect the idea that while we work and earn, this money is the Lords- How can we best use this to take care of our needs and the needs of the body of Christ. You can read more about our thoughts here: Simplifying and Minimizing Part 2

       I've recently picked up the book Gods At War- Kyle Idleman. This is a wonderful book that has really helped me put together pieces of what our goal has actually been. His book is about defeating the idols that battle for our hearts. There are so many areas in our lives that we have created false gods taking away from our devotion and worship to the true God. As I read Kyle's book it hit me that while we are saying we are trying to minimize and simplify our lives, we are really trying to dethrone the idols sitting on our heart and in our lives. We are trying to make more of us for God and less room for other idols to sneak in steal away what is rightfully Gods. The truth is; idols are everywhere, hidden and masqueraded in the everyday patterns of thought and lifestyle deceptively embezzling more and more of our hearts away under our very noses.

     On that thought, an area I have realized that I struggle with has been my wardrobe. Simply put- I love clothes. I love feeling put together and lovely. I enjoy looking and shopping and putting things on my wish list*. I like it so much that sometimes I'll catch myself longing for things I don't need and spend countless hours looking through catalogs (websites), and window shopping.

Two words:
       
   1. Coveting
           &
   2. Idolizing

  So obviously something needed to change.

*(Which is really my list of things I would love to have someday, but I know will never and should never become a reality)

     
       So after browsing through Pinterest one day I came across a list someone had put together of clothing essentials and how they put together a full wardrobe with a minimalist approach.

....Yup, genius.

     I realized that if I had a list of the kind of clothes I owned and limited myself to how many, what kinds, and made some rules to shopping it would force me to starting thinking of clothes more like a need versus a luxury. That doesn't mean it is wrong to look nice or put together, just that I needed to change my relationship towards my wardrobe.

 I say that because I had a mini melt down when I thought that by minimizing my closet and what I spent on clothes I would never have anything I liked. But thanks to my husband, he helped me see that I can still get clothes I like within a parameter and a specified budget.


   So I put together my list. It was a simple list that had essentials that would get me through all four seasons comfortably. I came up with a few rules or I should say guidelines to help me have a functioning wardrobe.

1. I am not to buy anything full price unless I couldn't find it discounted or used first.
2. All shirts have to match or go with at least 3 bottoms
3. All pants have to match or go with at least 4 shirts
4. Dresses and Skirts have to be modest in length
5. I am not to something that is not on my list just because it is on sale
6. I have to stay within the budget decided on
7. I can only replace things if they tear, stain, or if they no longer fit

     For this past summer as I've been loosing my baby fat and kind of in-between sizes, this worked well, and I choose not to buy much because I knew I was loosing weight and would need the next size down soon. So I got just enough to get me through the summer, but as fall has caught up with us and I've lost much more weight it became painfully clear that I NEEDED clothes. Between my previous four year old wardrobe and my new distribution of weight, I really didn't have many clothes anymore. So out came my list and my project began: $aving My Wardrobe 

      I created a list of exactly what and how many items I would need, from bras to boots. When I say I needed a whole new wardrobe, I mean pretty close to literally. After I looked over my list and realized how little I actually had in my closet that fit and wasn't stained or hole filled, my stomach did major flip flops-there was no way I could get everything I needed for a low enough cost.

   I decided to go online at Old Navy and Amazon to get the lowest prices I could find on all of the items. I literally almost threw up when I added the total: $750.00. I think I rechecked and re-totaled a good five or six times hoping the number would go down. There was no way I could rationalize spending money like that on clothes.

   Here was the hard part: Where could I go to get what I needed while saving as much as I could?

The Answer:

       Salvation Army
 
   So on Wednesday afternoon (half off all but green tags day), with my list and a prayer I set out. Three hours later, I walked away with 24 of the 30 items on my list for a grand total of $40. Most were name brand, quality clothing- all fit in my list, worked with my rules, and I loved. The remaining items I knew I would have to spend a little more on but at least the bulk of it was taken care of. Bras, shoes (only because I have absurdly tiny feet and I never find my size anywhere), under cami's and socks where some things I was already prepared to buy at a little higher cost than the $.50 I was spending on some of my shirts. In the end, after a lot of research and looking for great deals I got everything I needed for a fairly complete wardrobe for less than half the estimated cost. My total came into just over $250.00, which my babysitting money covered entirely.

My husband was very happy. :)

I even found a pair of Toms winter shoes at discount! Which is a huge deal, because Toms are one of the only brands of shoes that fit me and don't hurt my feet! I ended up going to Salvation Army, Good Will (where I really didn't find much this time, though normally I have good luck there), Forever 21(Cami's for $1.90 a piece, and a Navy Cardigan for $8.80), Zulily, and Ebay.
 
In the end, I have what I need, I like what I have, and I don't have any guilt over the amount I had to spend on it. Maintaining my wardrobe from here on out won't be an issue as long as I stick to my guidelines and don't allow my love of clothes to grow into an unhealthy relationship again.

               Project = SUCESS

So there is my story, if you want to see my list just let me know and I'll be happy to share it with you.

Love,
Leah

Fevers, Tennessee, and Lot's and Lot's of Prayer

                   
                  It's been a while, I know. I'm really terrible about writing in the midst of stress and pandemonium. It's like "Hey, I'm going to write." So I set up my lap top after the baby goes down, determined to relive the nervous apprehension eating away at my sanity. With coffee in hand I finally sit down with a purpose and a pre composed  draft I'd just passionately and eloquently rehearsed verbally while bouncing the baby on my hip and wrapping up a soiled diaper. 'It is perfect,' I think to myself. It'll be a synch, just like a stitch in the quilt- quick, simple, with intent to hold me together just a little longer.

             But I always find when I actually sit down and put hand to key board, all of the passion fades away like the sun in the horizon on a cloudy day. ( I don't even know if that made sense, but I think you get my point.)  Long story short, I end up staring at a white screen for a good hour or so, typing and undoing the same sentence over and over. I'm at a loss for words. Point comes to blank- I don't know how to write about what I'm going through or dealing with right now because I can't fully comprehend it myself. The honest truth is that I'm just trying to get through each day on a prayer and I'm attempting to leave the rest in God's hands. I'm learning that sometimes there aren't answers to questions of uncertainty- Sometime I just have to wait and see what God's going to do and accept when His plans don't meet mine.


             So... If you haven't caught the drift yet- Life is hard sometime. The hardest part about it, for me in particular, is not knowing what I'm up against or what to expect. I don't have the words all perfectly pre-constructed to give you a clear concise picture of where we are, so I'm just going to try my best and let you in on what's been going on. :) So please bear graciously with my through this.   There have been three main things in the last few weeks that have filled our days with unknown mysteries.

                   1. We might be moving to Tennessee.  

       .... Yes Tennessee. (I almost forgot Tennessee was a USA state before my parents mentioned it) With my whole family. Long story short, my seizures aren't getting better so I have to stay near to my family so I can get the help I need with Charlotte and getting around. Longer story short, my family (and Alex and I) would greatly benefit moving to the Gatlinburg area of Tennessee due to: lower expense, more and better job opportunities, different social environment, GREAT hospitals, and lots of other reasons. The only hiccup in this ongoing invention is that we have to sell our house first.  The great part of this plan is that God is in control. Sooo....If He wants us to move our house will sell, and if He wants us to stay here...then I guess our house won't sell and we will stay here.

        Alex, I and my parents did take a trip down a couple weeks ago to check out the area, and we pretty much fell in love. I really can't explain it better. It's one of those, "You have to see it, to understand it." kind of things. For Alex I know it reminded him of his home in Colorado where he grew up. There were many warm fuzzy feelings experienced in those few days. I think...nope, I know we really hope that God is leading us out there, but I also know that I can trust God no matter what happens in the next few months. For who knows the plans of the Lord? I just don't like this whole, who knows whats going to happen thing.

       
         2. Charlotte has been really sick off and on, and we don't know what it is.

        It breaks my heart in a million, and then some, pieces. There is nothing like seeing your child hurting and sick and not being able to do anything to help it, or to know what is causing it. She has been struggling with low grade-very high fevers since she was 2 months old. She on a good week she'll only have maybe four low grade fevers, and be slightly fussy- however, on bad weeks she can have low to mid grade fevers (sometimes really high fevers) for days non-stop and be utterly miserable and uncomfortable and the doctors can't figure out why. They have ruled out: teething, colic, acid reflux, several kinds of cancer, infections, viral illnesses, septic hips, ect.. In doing blood work (which is a grueling procedure that has lasted to the upwards of three or so hours to get enough of a sample to test) we have found that her white blood cell count is low. The last time we took her blood, her count had gone up slightly but not enough that it was back where it should be. The other strange symptom has been a phantom pain in her left side/leg, always followed by a fever of 100.1 or more.

       She has seen a hematologist/oncologist (blood and cancer specialist), and a pediatric orthopedic. The verdict has been to continue redoing blood work so we can follow her white blood cell count, and if the pain in her leg/side continues to come back and her cell count is still low, we will have to do a bone scan. It is so sad and frustrating to be playing this waiting game and honestly exhausting, both emotionally and physically. She is such a happy baby, even in spite of everything. She can have a fever of 103 with an IV in the hospital and she will still smile and giggle for us. Even when she is cranky and unwell, while obviously uncomfortable she won't let it put a frown on her face.

         We are waiting to have blood work done again in the next week, and then we will be talking with the doctors once again. We just have to keep praying and trust that God knows what is going on, and that He is ultimately in control. No one ever said that was easy though.

         3. My seizures and anxiety attacks.

    Obviously things are a little chaotic. That makes sense. What doesn't make sense is that nothing we do or have tried has helped my seizure in the least. I'm having episodes regularly every other day or so, often several times in a day. They are very painful, sometimes scary, sometimes incredibly embarrassing, and always a pain in my butt. Sometimes I just want to stomp my foot and scream for a good while in pure exasperation.

     I think the hardest part of dealing with this, is that I have lost hope for ever getting better and I feel like I'm constantly letting my husband, daughter and family down. I know that not a soul holds it against me, but I know that it is super inconvenient some days. It is so frustrating that I have to rely on other people for simple things, that I have to live with my family, that sometime I can't let my husband sleep when he really needs it because my body is a freak of nature. I am carrying so much guilt. I know that I don't need to, and I'm trying really hard not to, but, well...it's really hard. (Note: My husband is super wonderful and supportive to me through all of this and never does or says anything to make me feel bad about it. I really couldn't have asked for a more understanding and encouraging husband and best friend. Having him by my side really does help ease the struggle.)

      I really don't want to fully accept the idea that I may never overcome these. But in any case, God may be asking me to do just that. We are starting to ask questions like, 'if this is going to be a lifestyle how can we make this work for us, and what are things we can do to help.' One of our ideas has been to look into getting a puppy to train and certify as a seizure alert, and aid dog. We aren't anticipating that a puppy will solve everything, but possibly give me a little independence and security when I'm out in public, and may help therapeutically relieve stress and anxiety. We are also starting to think and figure out in what ways we can make this work for us so that we can someday live on our own.

(As much as I love my family, it is really difficult living among them everyday all the time, without a separate living space of our own. They can be...well, like Wolfes; a hyper, howling, hungry pack of chaos.  I might have an ulcer from trying to keep people quiet while praying the baby can sleep through the laughter, stomping, running and yelling.) *** Dear Family, if you are reading this, please know that you are truly wonderful and I have been so grateful for your help and support and the love and kindness you have given us, but lets face it, you guys can be a little crazy. ;) I love you!


       So long story-stories short, it's been kind of an overwhelming several weeks. With upcoming changes (maybe, hopefully), unknown illnesses, and dealing with my health, it's left me a little tired and worn. I'm continually reminded that trusting God isn't a one time commitment,  it is really an ongoing, every day, every time I want to cry choice. 'Will I trust You? Even though I don't know what is going to happen, will I trust You? Even if things don't go my way, Will I trust You?' I'm really walking a life-time journey of choosing God and bringing Him my worries and fears daily, moment by moment.

       So if I'm not writing a lot lately, you can bet I'm either changing diapers, trying to sleeping, or sitting on my bed room floor with my bible, praying that God will help me choose to trust Him. So thanks for your patience...even though you pretty much didn't have a choice. ;)



End of Post.

I hope that wasn't too unbearable
.

Love,
Leah

A Word From the Husband-

A few words from the husband- Alex Jaffrey


              When Leah asked me to write for her blog I was flattered. She is one of the most gifted writers I know, anyone who wants to argue with me about that can fight me ;) . But there was also a little fear. I haven’t written in quite some time. I’ll be honest, it feels good. It feels as if I’m reacquainting myself with a long lost friend, one that I’ve shared my deepest feelings and dreams with. And then I get to this point of where I’m like, “Now what? What do I write about?” So here goes nothing.

               In the beginning, our marriage was one of the most magical and blissful things I’ve ever experienced. It was like I had been walking through life with only one shoe, all the while searching everywhere for another that would fit perfectly. The relief to finally find that shoe, (I can feel the stare I’m getting from my wife for comparing her to a lost shoe) was so incredible and debilitating that my body shut down into a bliss coma. Nothing else mattered after those vows were said. It was me and her, officially, against the world. I would have no other on my team. 

              Our first prayer said together as a married couple was merely asking God to challenge our lives, to show to others how great and magnificent He was through our trials and tribulations. Seems simple enough right? I mean we both knew that we would be tested and tried time and time again by Him- that’s kind of the basis to Faith. How little we knew then. If I had a time machine, part of me believes I’d go back and shove a sock in my mouth to prevent me uttering those words. But honestly, I wouldn’t change a thing that’s happened.

              If you guys have followed Leah’s blogs from the beginning, then you know pretty much how hard it has been. Between losing babies, getting sick, her having seizures, me working a lot, our precious baby being sick, and me being injured has led me to think that God truly does answer prayers. There is no other way to explain everything that has happened in the past two years. As hard as everything was and has been, it seems to be getting easier.

            In the beginning, heck even now, I struggled with the whole mentality of being a bachelor. It’s hard to finally live with a partner when you’ve been living on your own. I thank God every day that my lovely and beautiful wife hasn’t killed me yet. It’s taken countless arguments and tears being shed to make me realize and truly change. But that’s the beautiful thing about love and marriage, it’s all about forgiveness and the desire to bless your partner with everything you have to give. 

           It seems to me that without these trials that we have experienced, we would still be those young kids that see the world as young kids do. I definitely feel like we have grown stronger. Two years sure doesn’t seem like a long time to most people, but it’s felt like ten to me (in a good way). I’m really not sure where I’m going with this, other than to possibly encourage anyone who is reading my rambling that no matter what happens, or how hard it gets there’s always light at the end of the tunnel. If you are struggling with something or someone, just know that it is a season. God gives us trials to temper and mold us into the children He designed. And if you don’t believe in Him, I’m sorry. I know hands down that without God, I would not have survived these past couple of years. 

          This isn’t me saying to you that you have to believe in God. I’m not forcing anything on you, I’m only stating that He has helped me to be who I am today, and I pray that He helps me every day for the rest of my life. So maybe next post that I have, assuming that Leah lets me post again, I can go into detail. This literally is the first time I’ve written more than a paragraph in like two years, so thanks for powering through it! And remember, if you didn’t know this already, beards are awesome. :)

-Alex J.

When A Prayer is All I Can Say

              

               

                  You are good to me, my sweet, sweet, Lord

                  You are good to me, my sweet, sweet, Lord

                 You are good to me, my sweet, sweet Lord

               You are so good to me.

Dear Jesus,

 It is me again.
 I know I've been quiet the last few days. I know that I haven't been coming to you. I know I am struggling to find peace and joy.
I'm hurting.
I'm lost.
I feel tired,
broken,
and scared to face the days yet to come.

While my heart does't always understand why this walk after You has to be so hard, I know in my head that these trials are only for a time and You are trying me with fire to purge me and draw me to You.
Encourage my heart Lord, because right now I don't know if I have the strength to go on.

These last few months have been so long and so hard.
Physically, emotionally and spiritually You try me.

I have tried everything I can think of to help get rid of these seizures, but the pain and immobilizing spasms rake over my body again and again. My body betrays me and leaves me in want for help to get around on my own, care for my own daughter, and manage simple every day functions. People don't understand how much they hurt. I have become a commanding officer to my own flesh.

"MOVE." I shout
"Someone is talking to you, HEAR them."
"You foolish tongue, when I want you to be quiet you speak, but when you need to speak you struggle to form a single word. SPEAK"
"Just one more minute! You can do it! Keep walking! Get your baby somewhere safe!"
"WAKE UP! You cannot sleep now!"

Every fiber in my being aches and throbs.
I am embarrassed at the foolish emotional distress that takes over and confuses my mind.
 I am ashamed at the inability to force myself to move or think clearly at times.

Sometimes I can't talk, or see, or hear.
Sometimes I can't move
Sometimes I can't understand
Sometimes I sound like a child in a fairytale land

These seizures are taking over my life. What if I'm never healed? What if I have to live with this for the rest of my life? I don't know if I can do this.

Jesus, what is more, now I can't even have another baby?
Why?
All my life the only thing I ever wanted was to be a mother to lots of children. I loved being pregnant in spite of the complications. Why did you have to take this away from me? I'm only twenty years old. How can this part of my life already be over?

Then we learn that something is wrong with the one baby we do have.
She is sick.
We don't know what is wrong.
Fevers,
Pain,
and discomfort continue to plage her.
There is nothing we can do to help her except to continue testing and trusting that You are in control.
No matter what.

On top of all of that, Alex continues to get sick and hurt.

And we cannot get on top of our finances.

....
....
....



You are so good to me.

You give me
Peace
Hope
Grace
Mercy,
 and You give me Joy

There is nothing in this world that can take me out of Your hands.

 Pain,
Heartbreak,
Uncertainty,
Physical brokenness,
and Limitations
are all momentary.

There is nothing in this world that means as much to mean as having a living relationship with You. There is nothing in this world I would want in Your stead.

If I have to live the rest of my life with seizures- You are good to me.
If I never have another child- You are good to me.
If I loose my child or she becomes very ill- You are good to me.
If my husband always struggles with health and wellness- You are good to me.
If we will live our days in financial distress- You are good to me.
If we never go where we want to go or do what we want to do- You are good to me.

The truth is, I'd give up everything to know You more.

To see Your face, to behold Your glory through Your heavenly grace, I give my life and dreams.

My life isn't about living for me.
My life is about living for You.

What a sweet relief.

"You are good to me, my sweet, sweet Lord 
You are good to me, my sweet, sweet Lord 
You are good to me, my sweet, sweet Lord
You are so good to me." 

Thank you Jesus

Love,
Leah