How Time Flies

            Only 10 more weeks until Charlottes due date!! Every day we get closer and closer to her impending delivery, and every day she is a little healthier and more stable should she indeed come early! As Alex and I prepare to move into our new little home in the next few weeks, we are beyond thankful with how God has protected us and provided for us! He really does have the perfect timing for everything. As much as we worry about our finances and the little things in life we cannot control we are blessed over and over again watching God open doors, and provide exactly what we need when we need it. I am so glad that we are not reliant upon ourselves.

             It is difficult for us to comprehend the fact that we are already approaching the beginning of November. It has been a long summer in many ways, but at the same time the days have flown by. At the beginning of this summer we weren't sure how things were going to work out with Alex's job, my health, our housing. We were certainly ill prepared for the complications we have had through the pregnancy, and the majority of unexpected expenses, or what doors God would open for us in Maine. We struggled spiritually, and emotionally but through it all God has blessed us above and beyond what we ever expected. We are growing everyday, though more than naughts it feels like we are back-sliding  down a muddy incline, only to wake up one day and suddenly see the sunrise over the mountain top. One of our greatest struggles this whole past year has been trying to figure out what God wants us to pursue and where He is leading us. We still don't have a clue, but we are realizing that we don't have to have it all put together and perfectly planned. All we can do today is give our best, work hard, pray for guidance and trust that God's plans are beyond our understanding.

           Since we learned that we were expecting our little girl, our perspective on life has completely changed. Part of us felt like we had to have everything put together, perfectly planned, all the wiser, organized, and matured by lengths we have yet to know. In so much, the first several months preparing for our baby we felt so hopeless; that our baby girl wouldn't have the parents we thought she deserved, that we would never measure up. We were already prepared to surrender as failures. Since then however, God has been teaching us and preparing us through the wisdom of friends and family and we are slowly accepting the fact that it is okay to be unprepared, naive and students of godly perspective. I assume that first time parents often feel that they have to 'perfect parenting' right from the get-go. We felt like we had to have all the answers, the perfect career plan, and the perfect home for our little girl.

         We will never have all the answers, and we will always have new things to learn, and we will inevitably fall short again and again. All we can do is give our very best, pray, pray, pray and pray!!! We are so excited to learn and grow and we are blessed to be able to walk through it together. Within the next few months our lives are going to pivot and completely change as we go from newly weds, to inexperienced parents! We finally feel ready. We are so ready to hold our baby girl and get in the grove of parenthood!

Love,
Leah

One Day at a Time

          I go to bed with a whisper on my lips, holding the precious life within my ever swollen belly, thanking God for one more day where she would be safe in my womb and praying for another night to rest in the peaceful bliss of pregnancy. In these last few weeks the true beauty of pregnancy has resonated deep in my heart. So often in the midst of restless nights, frequent trips to the bathroom and the moments when I am convinced I cannot keep my lunch down a moment longer, it is easy to loose sight of the precious miracle growing inside of me. The beauty of love does not lie in the self gain of a friend, lover or child; the things or benefits you gain out of that relationship. The true beauty of a love story is nothing less than the sacrifices and selfless demonstration of giving ourselves for the sake of our loved one without a thought or hope of receiving anything in return.

        Nothing is more lovely than watching a mother suffer joyfully for her unborn babe. The glow of pregnancy is simply a myth. People say it to make the barfing, swollen, sweating, man portion eating, and fainting woman and a half feel better. A true glow comes from the things we willingly sacrifice for the sake of the life within us. Realizing that I would go through anything in the world to see my daughter come into this world safely, has helped me understand the kind of selfless love that God had for us when He sent Jesus and watched Him die a horrific death and pay the penalty of our sins for our sakes. I don't love the pain and discomfort that has come with this pregnancy, but I do love that everyday I have the opportunity to sacrifice myself for my daughter. I would rather endure painful contractions, and horrible procedures on a regular biases for the sake of ensuring a healthier life for my little girl than to watch her struggle to grow and thrive. 

        These last few weeks have been long and stressful, but full of life and beauty as well. Our beautiful daughter is still snuggled safe inside me and doing so well! We have had the opportunity to see her in multiple ultra-sounds and got some incredible pictures of her little face! We also learned that she has a full head of hair already! I am doing okay for right now, though I am being watched very closely by my doctors. As of today things are looking well, and we pray for another day! God certainly has a plan of His own regardless of what we believe could happen in the next several weeks. What ever may come of this situation we do trust that He has a hand over us and is holding our baby in His safe embrace.

       My husband and I have been so incredibly blessed by the encouragement and prayers we have received through the last few weeks! It is no doubt that God uses the words and prayers of His disciples to move in the lives of others! God has been using each and everyone of you to help Alex and I through this, we cannot thank you enough.


Love,
Leah
     

Praying For A Safe Arrival

              I had my prenatal check up today, along with a precautionary ultrasound. Unfortunately, things are not going as smoothly as we have hoped they would. Charlie Ann is a very healthy active baby girl, weighing and measuring in the 49 percentile (a perfect little baby, but not too small) with a fabulous heart rate! However that being said my doctors have discovered symptoms that seem to threaten a preterm labor and delivery. We already knew that I was at risk for delivering early, however I never had any symptoms or signs confirming that I was threatening an early delivery. While we are very relieved to see such a healthy baby, we are very concerned about delivering too early. At this point in the pregnancy the chances of her surviving are above the 90 percentile, but that does not mean that she won't be facing a battle to thrive. Born too early, her lungs wouldn't be fully developed and she could have health problems that effect her through her lifetime. That being said, we know that nothing is impossible with God, and so we are asking that our friends and family pray for Charlie Ann. We are working with some great doctors, and we know that we are getting the best health care that we can get through this journey, so we need to leave the rest of it with God. We should know some more details next week when we go in for another ultra sound.

                 For now I am on partial bed rest again. I can walk to use the bathroom and get myself food, but I am not allowed to walk more than I need too. I am praying that God gives Alex and I the peace of mind and heart that we need to walk through these next several weeks. We are moving in a few weeks but with the complications we are having we are concerned about leaving me alone as much as I would be with Alex's work schedule. In any case, God has provided everything we have needed so far so we are going to try to trust that He is going to continue to provide! We are so thankful that we are surrounded by family who are willing to help us.

                Thank you all so much! We love you guys and hope we won't be sharing the news of Charlottes arrival too soon!


Love,
Leah

Highlights

       

We are now 27 weeks pregnant with our beautiful little girl! Next week we are going in for possibly our last ultrasound before she arrives. It is hard to believe it has already been almost 10 weeks since our last ultrasound when we learned we were having a little girl- a moment that will not soon be forggotten. Realizing that we were actually going to be parents to a little human was not an emotion that can easily be described with words. Discovering that we were going to be parenting a little girl took that reality to a whole new level. As I started dreaming of hair bows, frills, and tutus, Alex began planning his strategy for dealing with potential dates and boys of interested as she gets older. 

                       Charlotte at 18 weeks                              Our Gender Reveal picture at 18 Weeks

         

              This past summer has been filled with first time experiences for me such as my first trip to a Six Flag's park with Alex's family (Not that I could ride anything, but the adventure was fun non-the-less), and going on a Whale Watch out at sea. One of the most unusual but invigorating experiences of the summer was the 10 days we had a Japanese exchange student stay with us. We learned so much about Japan and his culture, and thoroughly enjoyed getting to know him and being a part of exposing him to some fun American experiences. We also enjoyed the summer in Bar Harbor, exploring the scenic beaches and ocean outlooks, to walking the crazy tourist ridden sidewalks of the downtown strip.

        Alex worked (and continues too) work very hard, long weeks! But he seems to enjoy working with the people of Bar Harbor for the most part, and gives a great tour of the town on the carriage rides. I ended up being given permission by my doctor to work, and I was instantly hired as a babysitter by an incredible family with two beautiful children who ran a bed and breakfast in town. The Ivy Manor Inn is one of the most beautiful Inns I have ever seen, and the owner equally passionate and caring hosts. After a few days, I ended up taking a second position as a hostess in their restaurant as well. I was blessed with an incredible family who bent over backwards and tailored the positions I worked to meet my physical struggles. I have never met any family so gracious and forgiving! It was a blessing to be working at the time that I was, for not a few days afterwards, Alex was out of work for a knee injury. With the extra income we just made it through the month! God always provides, as He proves again and again to us.

    In September I was given the opportunity to go down to New York for a baby shower and to visit with friends and family! My Aunts came up from Pennsylvania with my little cousins, whom I hadn't had the opportunity of seeing for well over a year. My talented Aunt Jenny made a beautiful cake for my baby shower! It was one of the most stunning cakes I have ever seen! The baby shower had a huge turnout. I was so overwhelmed by all of the love and celebrating of this beautiful new life growing inside of me. I know there were still several who weren't able to make it to the shower, but I have never been so assured by the friendships God has blessed me with over the years! I can't wait for our daughter to grow up meeting and having relationships with all of these incredible people! 

Alex and I were truly blessed by all of the gifts and we can't wait to share pictures of our little one using each and everything that was given to her with so much love and well wishes! I wish I had more pictures from the shower, but unfortunately I don't at this time! But see how gorgeous this cake was!! 

I had so much fun spending time with my Mom and Dad and my 6 incredibly fun siblings. I got to go shopping with my sister, and my mom. I got to spend time catching up with the little ones! And I got to celebrate my littlest sisters 10th birthday and my brothers 17th birthday while I was there! I also got to spend several days visiting with some of my best friends! I also had the first sleep over I have had in many, many years! Funny to think that in just a few months I'll be a mother and delegating sleep overs for our little girl as she gets older.

            As much as I loved seeing all my friends and going home for a long weeks, it was the first time I've been away from Alex since we've been married. Pregnancy does a lot to a woman, and having a husband to share all the worries, aches and pains, and nightmares with is a small comfort to a hormone raging individual. Needless to say, I missed him more than I thought possible. We are both fairly certain that neither of us will be up to another long week away from each other like that for a long while. On the bright side, I've never been more excited to see him by the time we were finally together again! I am pretty sure we slept holding hands that night. :)

           On the topic of strange things pregnancy does to a woman, one of the most embarrassing experiences I have had so far has been the occasional incident of wetting my pants. Over the last week I've had far more little accidents than I ever thought possible for a grown woman. That is one symptom I did not expect from this pregnancy! I haven't had as many cravings as I thought I would. My biggest cravings have been Maple smoked bacon, Lasagna, Locally made Maple Popcorn and cinnamon donuts. I am also not as hungry as I thought I would be. More often than naught, unless food is brought up I forget to eat. My dreams have definitely taken a turn for the worst. Vivid doesn't even come close to describing the intesity of my dreams. Pregnancy can be the only possible explanation.

       Over-all the pregnancy itself has been so easy! I love being pregnant, I love watching my belly grow. I love the fact that Charlotte flips and summersaults as soon as she hears her daddies voice. I love the fact that I can't sleep through a night because she dances her best in the stillness of early morning. I love that I never had morning sickness, and my acid reflux has gotten so much better instead of worse like we anticipated. I have only had more and more energy so far. (I know this won't last, but I'll take it while I can.) I can't wait to hold her in my arms when she arrives!

      On another note, while the pregnancy itself has been easy on me, it has triggered other problems that I have had in the past. I have had multiple seizure like episodes, which have become worse and more frequent as the pregnancy has progressed. Unfortunately, I am no longer able to work, drive, or commit to anything due to the irregularity and severity of these episodes. We are in the process of working with a specialist to diagnose and treat my case, and we pray that this problem is resolved and treated quickly. There are many things that could potential be effected by these episodes, but we are trusting God with it, and we know that He will take care of Charlie Ann and I.

      Not being able to work or do much outside of the house, has left me much time to read, write, and craft! My first big project was to make a rag quilt for Charlotte's nursery. I love how easy and fun it was and I can't wait to wrap her up in it! I am continuing to try to keep myself busy, combatting my depression and loneliness. So far I have been blessed with an uplifting week!

     

     Two of our biggest concerns coming into this winter has been finding a place to stay, and Alex being able to bring enough income into take care of us while I'm unable to work. God has gone so far above and beyond to provide for us, and we are learning that we just have to move forward trusting that He will provide and expect to be amazed again and again. Monday evening we met with a sweet gentleman with a SantaClause beard about renting a house he built many years ago that has been sitting empty.  When we met with him and asked about a security deposit (which has been our greatest struggle financially) he so graciously told us we didn't need to put down a security deposit because he trusted us. The house is set back in the woods, with a Maine coast charm. Inside exposed wood floors and beams brought back memories of the log cabins in Colorado that Alex has been so familiar with while growing up. The one bed room home is so much larger than we expected and has all of the amenities we need, including a washer and dryer! The only downfall and concern we have is dealing with the expense of heat. The rent is the most inexpensive we have found for what we are getting, and we are trusting that God is going to provide just what we need to get through this winter! We can't wait to move in to our new home within the next month!

                 Alex has also been given a second job that will become full-time with over-time the day after his position ends on the farm. We have just been blown away again and again as we watch God provide and answer our prayers! We know that as we approach the day when our baby comes into this world that our life is going to change dramatically, but neither one of us can wait to see where God is going to continue leading us as a family. We never thought we would be where we are today, so we anxiously look forward to seeing where God is leading us now.


We thank you all for your prayers and support! We miss all of our dear friends and family from New York and we look forward to sharing the joy that God is bringing into our lives!

Love to all,
Leah

Not Even Depression Can Hold Me Down

               I know it has been quiet sometime since I last worked up the courage to write. Depression is not a simple thing to work through, even as a believer in Christ. It is a sickness of the soul that eats away at any joy, hope, or self worth. After awhile everything just fades away and days begin to blend together giving little room for motivation- it is as if your spiritual self is turned over to a horrible disease known to turn you into a living zombi; your heart still beats but your emotional being is sedated leaving you unable to process feelings, thoughts or desires. I have struggled and fought against depression since I was young, but I never contend with it this badly until recently. I know that there are many people in the world who are overcome by the this soul feasting illness. I am not the first and nor will I be the last to grapple against this affliction. As I, many do not have a reason or better put, a known incident or circumstance fueling their devastated spirit. Sometime it is spiritual but often it is medically or chemically infused.

              Because of the depression, I have had such a hard time identifying with all the wonderful things God has done in my life individually, in my husband, and in our family as a whole. He has provided miraculously for us, and we are now officially at the point where we do not need financial help and are no longer dependent on family and friends to help us survive. While I can no longer work due to health, God has provided two good stable jobs for my husband. We have the opportunity to look for our own apartment or house, while trusting that God is going to continue to provide for us. I have had some answers to some of my health complications, and we are on the way to working through the remaining issues. Our marriage is stronger than it has ever been, and we are so close to becoming parents to our own little girl. We are surrounded by family who love and support us and by friends who encourage and love us in-spite of our always dramatic life.  While we have all of this, we realize that we are not entitled any of it. God has taken us out of mire given us a chance at a new start together with our baby girl on solid ground regardless of the struggles we honestly deserve due to our sin-inclinded hearts.

          (As I threaten death to the flies who continue to bulldoze into my head while I try to write.)

           There have been so many beautiful moments, reflections and memories through the last few months, that I have not been able to fully appreciate. I don't want to miss out on all of the joy that God has overly and abundantly blessed me with. I don't want to look back on precious moments through this pregnancy and fail to see the beauty and love in it. I thank God that through Him we have the power to overcome anything. With the encouragement and faithful love of my husband, and the Spirit of God prodding my heart, He has given me the strength to pray. Through Him I have broken those bonds of sedation, and my prayer life over this last week has completely changed. Though I have had a few bad days God has been slowly helping me work through this zombi like state that I have found myself captive too. In the last three days I have felt more joy, hope and life than I have experienced in quiet some time.

           I say all of this to encourage other women, men, or families who may be struggling against depression. You are not alone. There has been very little in my life these few months that should cause any amount of anxiety or depression, and yet I have struggle more than I ever have before. No matter what we are going through or the reason for those struggles, God is always there. I am so thankful He doesn't give up on me, and that my husband doesn't give up either. (God has blessed Alex with incredible amounts of patience and wisdom as I battled my emotions.)

           Everyday is a journey, where new trials and untold joy await. A day at a time we can get through anything as long as our hearts continue to seek out the Lord in everything.


I'll write again within a day or two highlighting some of the amazing things God has done in our life, through this pregnancy and what we look forward too over the next few months. Thank you again and again to everyone who has been praying, and encouraging me and my family. Please don't stop praying as God only just begun helping me work through this!

Much love and blessings to all,

Love,
Leah