When Leah asked me to write for her blog I was flattered. She is one of the most gifted writers I know, anyone who wants to argue with me about that can fight me ;) . But there was also a little fear. I haven’t written in quite some time. I’ll be honest, it feels good. It feels as if I’m reacquainting myself with a long lost friend, one that I’ve shared my deepest feelings and dreams with. And then I get to this point of where I’m like, “Now what? What do I write about?” So here goes nothing.
In the beginning, our marriage was one of the most magical and blissful things I’ve ever experienced. It was like I had been walking through life with only one shoe, all the while searching everywhere for another that would fit perfectly. The relief to finally find that shoe, (I can feel the stare I’m getting from my wife for comparing her to a lost shoe) was so incredible and debilitating that my body shut down into a bliss coma. Nothing else mattered after those vows were said. It was me and her, officially, against the world. I would have no other on my team.
Our first prayer said together as a married couple was merely asking God to challenge our lives, to show to others how great and magnificent He was through our trials and tribulations. Seems simple enough right? I mean we both knew that we would be tested and tried time and time again by Him- that’s kind of the basis to Faith. How little we knew then. If I had a time machine, part of me believes I’d go back and shove a sock in my mouth to prevent me uttering those words. But honestly, I wouldn’t change a thing that’s happened.
If you guys have followed Leah’s blogs from the beginning, then you know pretty much how hard it has been. Between losing babies, getting sick, her having seizures, me working a lot, our precious baby being sick, and me being injured has led me to think that God truly does answer prayers. There is no other way to explain everything that has happened in the past two years. As hard as everything was and has been, it seems to be getting easier.
In the beginning, heck even now, I struggled with the whole mentality of being a bachelor. It’s hard to finally live with a partner when you’ve been living on your own. I thank God every day that my lovely and beautiful wife hasn’t killed me yet. It’s taken countless arguments and tears being shed to make me realize and truly change. But that’s the beautiful thing about love and marriage, it’s all about forgiveness and the desire to bless your partner with everything you have to give.
It seems to me that without these trials that we have experienced, we would still be those young kids that see the world as young kids do. I definitely feel like we have grown stronger. Two years sure doesn’t seem like a long time to most people, but it’s felt like ten to me (in a good way). I’m really not sure where I’m going with this, other than to possibly encourage anyone who is reading my rambling that no matter what happens, or how hard it gets there’s always light at the end of the tunnel. If you are struggling with something or someone, just know that it is a season. God gives us trials to temper and mold us into the children He designed. And if you don’t believe in Him, I’m sorry. I know hands down that without God, I would not have survived these past couple of years.
This isn’t me saying to you that you have to believe in God. I’m not forcing anything on you, I’m only stating that He has helped me to be who I am today, and I pray that He helps me every day for the rest of my life. So maybe next post that I have, assuming that Leah lets me post again, I can go into detail. This literally is the first time I’ve written more than a paragraph in like two years, so thanks for powering through it! And remember, if you didn’t know this already, beards are awesome. :)
-Alex J.
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