Finding Peace

               Have I mentioned how hard it is to find time to write with a teething, six-month old baby? Writing aside, it's hard to find time to do pretty much anything. I have clothes (mostly folded) still sitting on our borrowed love-seat waiting to be put away- need I say this is week two and they have been cycled through twice now without finding their homes? Yet, whereas a year ago this would have driven me crazy due to my obsessive drive to have my life perfectly organized-today I'm learning to find peace and a simple joy amongst the chaos.

             Life is pretty quiet lately. I sleep (kind of), eat, change diapers, laugh often and walk around the block several times a day. My life is pretty predictable on a day to day basis. Last month, this drove me to tears and in frustration I cried out to God looking for more substance in my daily activities. Instead, He gently took me by the hand and opened my eyes and heart to the incredible journey I was walking everyday. I'm learning. I'm learning a lot, about a lot of things. I'm learning to laugh again; finding joy and peace in the little things everyday. I'm learning to sing-praises echo forth in the midst of the white noise that surrounds me. I'm learning that being a mother is much harder than I thought it would be, but it is also so much more endearing and fulfilling than I ever imagined. I'm learning that being a wife that honors both God and my husband isn't always natural- it takes work, patience, selflessness, and passion. I'm also learning that God is greater than the odds-He is bigger.

           I'm starting to see my life through eyes that have been blind only to begin discovering a light, colors and beauty I've never before seen. I've changed. Life has changed me. Between the circumstances that Alex and I have faced, both intended and unexpected, God has shown me things I never understood before. One phrase comes to mind: God is bigger. He is always bigger. When I don't understand, when the world says it's impossible, improbable, against all odds, God is bigger. He is bigger than reason, reality, and the things that simply make sense. When I we wonder how and why, He is bigger still. There is nothing in my life or in this world that He is not bigger than.

           I'm finding peace. I am learning to embrace where I am in my life and to delight in the simple beauty of motherhood, being a wife and falling in love with God all over again while trusting that whatever we face or whatever bizarre circumstance we go through God is bigger still.