When Spring Brings Healing

         Winter leaves us in a sleepy state of mind and heart. It is actually proven that people struggle with depression more in the last three months of winter then at any other time of the year. December comes and it is white and exciting, but when January rolls around; white turns to gray, snow becomes slush and the whole world seems to sleep. I think often times my life can go through seasons in likeness to the changes we see in our world. I find myself having intervals when I'm coming back to life, growing and blooming, times when I'm active and running around with determination and conviction, times when I'm slowing down and getting comfortable, and then I certainly have moments when I feel like my spirit goes into a state of hibernation; often leading to depression. In the midst of these last several months, winter has settled deep in my soul, burying me in a sedated mess of sluggish emotions.

         I've struggled off and on with depression for most of what I can remember of my life. There have been times when I needed to seek out help, and then times where I would loose myself so much that God would have to pick me up and out Himself because no one else was able to do the job. I am not sure why depression has been something I've always struggled with; but it is my thorn and whatever the reason, it is something God has had to work me through over and over again. This past season has been no exception.

       In the time we lived in Maine, God took me through a pretty serious process of identifying and admitting to myself the source of a lot of pain I've buried and left untouched through my childhood and adolescence. Not only has He brought out of me some painful memories and emotions, but He also has shown me the danger of allowing myself to burry everything from myself and the world, and how that has affected my perception of Him and of myself. I've learned that I believe and have believed a lot of false truths of myself and of who God is.

       The more I think back to our time in Maine, the more I am seeing it as a time where God isolated us from everything familiar and began challenging us and testing us in ways we couldn't have been while home in New York with our friends and family. He took us out of our comfort zone and placed us in a situation where we were forced to depend on Him entirely to help us work through some issues and strengthen us again. Maine was a good thing. God used it, and when we felt like we couldn't handle it anymore, He provided opportunity to go home and bring us back into communion with the people we so dearly love.

      I feel like Spring is right around the corner; not just literally, but also spiritually. I've had to trust God to help me work through this depression and dormant state. Not only is He bringing me out of it, but I'm arising with healing, new growth and a greater picture of who God is and who I am in Him. I'm still struggling through some things, but I see hope on the horizon, waiting for me with renewed vigor. I'm seeking out help and allowing God to take me through the process to find wholeness in Him, regardless of my weaknesses and crippled spirit. Just like Spring I feel like I'm finally coming alive in Christ again, after far too long a season of sleep and despair.

        I'm still struggling with seizures, but I hope that as God walks me through this process of healing that I will begin to see some relief from these episodes that continue to take a toll on my life and my family.


     On another note, Charlotte continues to grow strong and defy the odds set against her from day one. We are so excited to see her personality blooming and to watch her grow continually! She is so bright and happy, and such an incredible blessing. It's hard to believe that just a year ago, the grief from loosing our first two babies blinded us from any hope of having a baby to hold, and now we can watch our little girl fall asleep in our arms. What an amazing feeling! It goes to show that even through seasons of pain and frustration we have had no lack for blessings and joy.


With Love,
Leah


       

Another Season of Waiting-When Faith is Tested

           It is one thing to be 100% convinced that God is going to provide simply because He promises that He will. He tells us not to worry about what we are going to eat or where we are going to sleep, because even the sparrows are taken care of. It is an easy concept to grasp, until of course, your in a position without a job, watching your funds dwindle, not knowing how things are going to work out. It is easy to fall into the panic driven, control seeking mindset. We came to New York primarily because of my health issues, without a job, trusting that God would provide the perfect work opportunity for Alex. In our minds I think we expected to move home and that God would just drop the 'perfect' job into our laps and all our worries would be absolved. It is now two and a half weeks later we are still waiting... Now our faith is truly being tried. We know in our heart of hearts that God is going to provide something for us, but in our human control craving mindsets, we grow more anxious and stressed with everyday. There is a part of us that wants ask, "Lord, why can we not have an easy break? Just once? Today, is it too much to think that You could simply cause all things to fall together perfectly?"
          I so desperately want to believe that God has a perfect plan for our lives, but it is so hard to fully commit to heart when day after day passes by with questions unanswered, and no idea as to how things will work out in the end. On the other side of things, we have watched God provide time and time again and we know that somewhere along the way we are going to see God provide what we need. It comes down to this simple truth: we like to have our lives in control, and we don't like waiting. There is so much we want to do with our lives, and these cycles of waiting feels like our life, passions and dreams continue to be put on hold. We fall into the trap of being satisfied just surviving. There is a part of us that wants so much more out of our lives. We want to see God using our gifts in ministry, living out our passions, living deep and meaningful lives, not to be dwindling away our days waiting for things to start happening.
          Last night while sitting together praying that baby Charlotte (who is not feeling well) would finally fall asleep, we both came to a startling realization (something we both know but often forget), it doesn't matter what we do in life as long as we are doing what we can through these quiet days all for the glory and honor of God. Whether we are serving the people in our family, changing diapers, trying to put to use the gifts we have (even when we aren't seeing a profit), or working in a dream job, going across the world evangelizing, if we are doing it to the best of our ability for God then we are bringing honor and glory to God. We don't have to do anything special. We don't have to have it all in control or have all the kinks worked out. Point blank-God will provide.
        Whatever may come our way, we are anxiously waiting, and relearning to patiently trust God's timing and plan for our lives. Today we are learning how to use the time we are given and the things we have to honor God and live fully-in spite of our current situation. I am fairly certain that our faith and patience will constantly tested. I pray that God continues to teach us to let go of our drive to control our situation and circumstances, and that we learn to live everyday for Him wherever we are, whatever we are doing. Until then, we will continue to walk and learn and try (very, very hard) to trust God with the rest.

        Love,
        Leah

           

When Prayer Changes Your Life

 It has been a good month and a half since I've last written to you. This is lame sauce on my part.  Honestly though, being a new mom is not an easy adventure to undertake. I've listened to many mothers tell me that once your baby is here you won't have much time for anything. It isn't that I didn't believe them, or that I thought things would be different for my baby and I. I think I just didn't fully realize what that would entail. I didn't realize that after Charlotte was born that my meals would almost literally be in-haled as I bounced her to sleep in my arms, or that I would most look forward to my five minutes in the shower. Motherhood has been one of the most precious experiences for me, and I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world, but it isn't easy-it is exhausting, sometimes frustrating, I'm constantly finding bodily fluids all over my would-be-clothes, and overall it is time-consuming. My days have been filled with little more than diaper changes, burping marathons, feedings, naps, dancing in the living room to stop her little tears, and lots and lots of prayer. I love it (or most of- it poop and spit up I could do without.), it has left little time to write.

      So much has happened these last several weeks, I'm not even sure where to begin. The biggest change for us has been our move to New York. I've been having some health complications for a while and after Charlotte came, things suddenly intensified to the point of needing constant supervision on my part. There was fear that I could potentially drop my sweetheart, and no one wanted to risk that. So almost overnight I was being 'mommy sat' constantly. My mom actually came up from New York (note that she has 6 other kids at home, but still came to help me for which I'm so thankful) and staid with me sleeping on an air mattress for 5 weeks while we worked with doctors to figure things out. After two weeks and a couple consults with my doctors and a specialist it became very clear to us that there would be a long-term need for support and help as I worked through my health issues. After praying and thinking long and hard, Alex and I came to the conclusion that the best thing for our family would be to move in with my parents in New York while we work through this process. So over the last three weeks we packed up and moved back to my home town.

Valentines Day

     There is such a huge part of me that is so relieved to be back home with my family and friends, but that aside I cannot deny the shame and frustration I feel due to the fact that I can't be relied on to take care of my own baby and my husband. All my life I've dreamed of being a mom and a wife, and now that I am wearing both shoes, I find I have to rely on other people to help me for the sake of my child and husband. Shame- it isn't an easy thing to deal with. I know that God has a plan for our family and that He is walking with us through these health issues, but I cannot deny the fact that I feel like less of a person, mother, wife and friend due to my health and emotional needs. I wanted to be a super mom. I wanted to do it all, but instead I am struggling to lead a semi-normal life. When Alex and I first got married we both prayed a prayer that we believe has drastically changed our life together- a prayer that proves God hears and answers us when we pray. It was a simple and an honest desire, but we didn't realize then the impact it would have on us. We wanted to live out a life that wasn't easy or normal- we wanted to struggle and constantly be challenged, we wanted God to strengthen us and perfect us, we wanted to live a life that God could work through; not finding comfort and ease where we could forget the gravity of our walk with the Lord. God heard us that evening. Since that day we have had nothing less than a walk filled with trials and tribulations. Normal? Haha, not at all.

Kisses for the baby

    Even though we wouldn't change a thing that we have gone through and endured, it's no secret that it isn't easy to walk in joy, peace and faith. We have cried, been angry, and questioned more in the last year and a half than we have in our entire lives. God took seriously our desire to grow and understand Him more. This struggle with my health and the journey we are walking through the process is just the beginning of Him working in our hearts. We are stumbling through day by day all the while praying for some clear direction. Somehow things always work out, and I know in the end we will only be stronger and have a clearer picture of who God is.

      Long story short, we are fully moved into my parents house. Alex is looking for a job and we are trusting God to provide something for us, and I am starting to move forward to find healing and to get our life somewhat back together. I want to be the best mom that I can be, and I'm learning that even if I have to struggle with health issues the rest of my life, amidst the shame and feelings of failure, God will help me be a mother to my daughter and a wife to my husband. As we get settled I hope to write more and share more of what God is teaching me as a wife and mother.

Love,
Leah

When Charlotte Came

         It is no secret that this pregnancy has been filled with trials and complications, or that we wondered for a while whether this baby would make it full term-if we would loose it before we had a chance to meet it. Charlotte has been defying odds from the moment of her conception. Just days after we discovered that we were pregnant the doctors were concerned that we could be loosing her. After weeks passed and multiple sonograms and a lengthy time spent off my feet, we had hope that maybe just maybe she would make it. She was a fighter; 5 weeks turned into 14 weeks and before we knew it we were in the second trimester, off of bed rest with most of our fears resolved for the moment.

       Then came 16 weeks and suddenly things weren't looking good for her or myself. I was restricted from most of my activities again, and prayer was reinforced full fledged. It felt like every minute we turned around there was something else threatening the life growing inside of me. When one problem was resolved another one approached us from behind another pivotal moment.

       More than anything in the world, we just wanted to see this baby safe and healthy but after being told at 28 weeks pregnant that we could give birth to a very premature baby, our hearts dropped and we prepared for the worst. Family, friends and strangers lifted us up in prayer, and Charlotte's name was being whispered to the heavens through the hearts and well wishes of people we hoped she would grow to meet and know.

      It became a day-by-day waiting game. We were in the process of switching doctors and were becoming very frustrated with the doctors we were seeing. It felt like these new doctors weren't taking us seriously, or giving our babies life much thought. After multiple trips, and rescheduled appointments  we finally met with a doctor for a consult and immediately felt a difference. For the first time a doctor was taking my health problems seriously and was working to prepare us for the worst. We requested a transfer to their office and we were taken under the wing of this doctor. We finally had some hope for our daughter regardless of what happened in the next few weeks.

      We were in and out of the hospital almost weekly with premature labor, but with medication and prayers Charlotte continued to grow strong and healthy inside of me. At 35 weeks I started having consistent contractions 10 minutes apart and began slowly dilating. I was officially in pre-labor and we knew that we would finally be able to hold our baby soon. The week felt like it went on forever. Every moment we wondered how we would know it was truly time and then there was the fear of making it to the hospital in time to deliver via c-section like we had planned. It was to the likeness of standing on pins and needles.

       Finally monday came, and that night we knew something had changed, so we promptly made our way to the hospital for what we hoped was the last time being pregnant. They kept me overnight with contractions every 5 minutes apart as I started to dilate a little more. But after not seeing much progress in the labor they sent us home 14 hours later. The next three days were the longest days I think I have ever endured. The labor wasn't progressing enough to pursue our c-section, but it was present enough to keep me from sleep, leaving me exhausted, anxious and impatiently praying.

      With a major snowstorm headed our way and the trip to the hospital already being long and precarious from our little home in the woods, both Alex and I were worried about how quickly we would be able to make it to the hospital should the labor begin to progress. Our biggest fear was that we wouldn't make it to the hospital on-time. After all of the trips to the hospital hopelessness began to set in. We had reached a point where we were sure that I would simply continue at this stage in labor for the next three to four weeks until we reached full term. We began to convince ourselves that the time was not coming.

      Wednesday we made our way to the doctors for a follow-up appointment. Our doctor was on vacation for the week so we were seeing another doctor from the office. We waited for a good 30 min in the waiting room during which my contractions suddenly became increasingly more frequent and sever. When they finally brought us back to a room we sat for another lengthy time waiting to hear where we were in our laboring. When the doctor finally came in, it was only a matter of minutes before it was evident to her that my water had finally broken and we needed to do the c-section that day!

      I have never been so excited to hear that someone was finally going to cut me open (while I was fully conscious) and pulling a living human being from the depths of my womb. All fear of the operation, and the anxiety for Charlotte faded away and the reality that we were going to actually get to hold our daughter overwhelmed us. Just when we had convinced ourselves that this moment would never come, we were sitting hand in hand daring to believe that everything was going to be just fine.

     After a few minutes the doctor came back in the room to inform us that my doctor had stopped in the office and heard about our situation and wanted to do the c-section himself- on his vacation. Alex and I were overwhelmed. We couldn't believe what we were hearing. We were rushed over to the hospital and suddenly we hardly had a moment to breathe or truly think about what was going to happen.

   The operation was scheduled about an hour and a half to two hours later, but the process of getting ready stole the time and ran with it. Before I knew it I was sitting on the edge of a cold blue table with 5 to 8 nurses around me, a needle in my back and the world rapidly spinning around me. Alex was waiting outside the door dressed in blue from his head to his toes (very sexy by-the-way) but all I wanted was his hand in mine whispering sweet-nothings in my ear, letting me know I was going to be alright.

       Surgeries are never easy- always filled with anxiety, and tummies fluttering with enough butterflies to fill a sanctuary. The fact that I was about to be sliced and diced didn't manifest until the spinal had set and I slowly began loosing feeling below my head- where upon my world frantically began spinning until Alex walked in. His eyes met mine and all butterflies fluttered away as though a breeze had come and carried them away. Fifteen minutes later a little cry rose above the chatter of the doctors and nursing staff.
     
       I don't know if there are words to describe the moment I heard her cry for the first time. Joy, relief and love are possibly the only words needed. Tears spilled down my face as Alex took his daughter into his arms for the first time. Immobilized, I laid on the table while I listened to my daughter; never has the tears of a startled child sounded more like music then the moment I realized that the baby we have been praying for and dreaming of was alive and well.

      Alex and her nurse brought her over to me, and I stared into the face of the most beautiful, peaceful baby I had ever seen. With a head of thick dark black hair, and petite perfect features I was looking into the face of my daughter. I was taken aback by her beauty and her serene demeanor. At four weeks premature, she was healthy and more perfect than I had ever imagined possible. As she was taken away to the nursery while I was being put back together all I could do was pray and praise God for the miracle that had taken place. I am fairly certain that my heart was not the only one singing, but that the voices of the angel harmoniously fell on the ears of the Lord that afternoon.

     Charlotte Rae Ann was born on Wednesday the 11th, of December, the year 2013, at exactly 2:00 pm, or 1400 hours. She weighed 5 lbs. and 7 oz. and measured 19inches long.


       There is truly no way to fully share the experience of having your child in your arms for the first
time and I cannot thank my family, our friends, and everyone who has come along side us during this journey. This has not been an easy road to travel; there were many days we wondered if we would make it to the moment we held her in our arms and kissed her face. The prayers and encouragement we were surrounded with had an incredible impact on us and I choose to believe on Charlottes little life.

      We cannot wait for her to meet her family and our friends and church family. We hope that she continues to grow and thrive on all of the prayers and positive relationships around her. Thank you all so much for everything!!!

Much love,
Leah

       

A New Home!

Our family room

          We finally did it! We are in our own home, mostly unpacked and ready to bring home our little girl! There are no words to express the relief and joy of having a place to call home again. Though we are beyond thankful and blessed to have family to lean on through the last few months, we are so happy to go to bed in our own room, with the silent wonderment at the stillness of our new dwelling. We know that this is just the beginning to a new journey, with new struggles and trials, but for today we rest in peace and with hope in God for whatever awaits us down the road.

We have beautiful big windows and sky lights that let in light

           Charlie Ann is still snuggled up inside my womb growing stronger with everyday. According to my doctor we are now out of the water, and if she were born today she would have half the fight to grow and mature those little lungs! He thinks I have a good chance of going full term at this point. Though we never know the timing and plans of God. My family is coming for three weeks hoping to be here for the birth. I hope they don't have to  go home disappointed, but I cannot deny that I trust God with the timing of all of this!

Our couch has long been missed! Many naps await in the future.

        I am so excited to see all of my siblings and my parents again. I miss being involved in their lives, and being close enough to stop by. Here we were prepared to spend this holiday season without the blessing of sharing it with them, and now God has opened a door and graciously blessed us with an opportunity to share more than just a weekend together. I am so overwhelmed by all that God is doing in our lives. I know that these next few months will be far from easy, especially for my hard working husband, but I look forward to watching God continue to provide for us and blow us away with His gracious, merciful love!


Here are some pictures of our new home! I can't wait to bring Charlie Ann home. I finally feel like we have an appropriate place to bring her home too!

Charlotte's changing table/dresser. 

Rocking chair for Charlotte! 

A window seat with a gorgeous view! 

Beautiful dinning room! 

A kitchen of my own again! 

There are so many wonderful nooks and crannies.

My own laundry room! 

Charlie's little bed! 

Ready with essentials for midnight feedings.

Our own bed again! With two big windows to look at the stars! 

               We are in love with our new home. There is more space than we know what to do with! Our landlord is a believer himself and has been more than accommodating to us. God has blessed us above and beyond anything we could have expected, we can only hope we can use this blessing to bless other in our lives now. 

             So now we just wait and pray for the day we can bring our baby home, and begin this next part of our journey together. 

Much love to all,

Leah

How Time Flies

            Only 10 more weeks until Charlottes due date!! Every day we get closer and closer to her impending delivery, and every day she is a little healthier and more stable should she indeed come early! As Alex and I prepare to move into our new little home in the next few weeks, we are beyond thankful with how God has protected us and provided for us! He really does have the perfect timing for everything. As much as we worry about our finances and the little things in life we cannot control we are blessed over and over again watching God open doors, and provide exactly what we need when we need it. I am so glad that we are not reliant upon ourselves.

             It is difficult for us to comprehend the fact that we are already approaching the beginning of November. It has been a long summer in many ways, but at the same time the days have flown by. At the beginning of this summer we weren't sure how things were going to work out with Alex's job, my health, our housing. We were certainly ill prepared for the complications we have had through the pregnancy, and the majority of unexpected expenses, or what doors God would open for us in Maine. We struggled spiritually, and emotionally but through it all God has blessed us above and beyond what we ever expected. We are growing everyday, though more than naughts it feels like we are back-sliding  down a muddy incline, only to wake up one day and suddenly see the sunrise over the mountain top. One of our greatest struggles this whole past year has been trying to figure out what God wants us to pursue and where He is leading us. We still don't have a clue, but we are realizing that we don't have to have it all put together and perfectly planned. All we can do today is give our best, work hard, pray for guidance and trust that God's plans are beyond our understanding.

           Since we learned that we were expecting our little girl, our perspective on life has completely changed. Part of us felt like we had to have everything put together, perfectly planned, all the wiser, organized, and matured by lengths we have yet to know. In so much, the first several months preparing for our baby we felt so hopeless; that our baby girl wouldn't have the parents we thought she deserved, that we would never measure up. We were already prepared to surrender as failures. Since then however, God has been teaching us and preparing us through the wisdom of friends and family and we are slowly accepting the fact that it is okay to be unprepared, naive and students of godly perspective. I assume that first time parents often feel that they have to 'perfect parenting' right from the get-go. We felt like we had to have all the answers, the perfect career plan, and the perfect home for our little girl.

         We will never have all the answers, and we will always have new things to learn, and we will inevitably fall short again and again. All we can do is give our very best, pray, pray, pray and pray!!! We are so excited to learn and grow and we are blessed to be able to walk through it together. Within the next few months our lives are going to pivot and completely change as we go from newly weds, to inexperienced parents! We finally feel ready. We are so ready to hold our baby girl and get in the grove of parenthood!

Love,
Leah

One Day at a Time

          I go to bed with a whisper on my lips, holding the precious life within my ever swollen belly, thanking God for one more day where she would be safe in my womb and praying for another night to rest in the peaceful bliss of pregnancy. In these last few weeks the true beauty of pregnancy has resonated deep in my heart. So often in the midst of restless nights, frequent trips to the bathroom and the moments when I am convinced I cannot keep my lunch down a moment longer, it is easy to loose sight of the precious miracle growing inside of me. The beauty of love does not lie in the self gain of a friend, lover or child; the things or benefits you gain out of that relationship. The true beauty of a love story is nothing less than the sacrifices and selfless demonstration of giving ourselves for the sake of our loved one without a thought or hope of receiving anything in return.

        Nothing is more lovely than watching a mother suffer joyfully for her unborn babe. The glow of pregnancy is simply a myth. People say it to make the barfing, swollen, sweating, man portion eating, and fainting woman and a half feel better. A true glow comes from the things we willingly sacrifice for the sake of the life within us. Realizing that I would go through anything in the world to see my daughter come into this world safely, has helped me understand the kind of selfless love that God had for us when He sent Jesus and watched Him die a horrific death and pay the penalty of our sins for our sakes. I don't love the pain and discomfort that has come with this pregnancy, but I do love that everyday I have the opportunity to sacrifice myself for my daughter. I would rather endure painful contractions, and horrible procedures on a regular biases for the sake of ensuring a healthier life for my little girl than to watch her struggle to grow and thrive. 

        These last few weeks have been long and stressful, but full of life and beauty as well. Our beautiful daughter is still snuggled safe inside me and doing so well! We have had the opportunity to see her in multiple ultra-sounds and got some incredible pictures of her little face! We also learned that she has a full head of hair already! I am doing okay for right now, though I am being watched very closely by my doctors. As of today things are looking well, and we pray for another day! God certainly has a plan of His own regardless of what we believe could happen in the next several weeks. What ever may come of this situation we do trust that He has a hand over us and is holding our baby in His safe embrace.

       My husband and I have been so incredibly blessed by the encouragement and prayers we have received through the last few weeks! It is no doubt that God uses the words and prayers of His disciples to move in the lives of others! God has been using each and everyone of you to help Alex and I through this, we cannot thank you enough.


Love,
Leah
     

Praying For A Safe Arrival

              I had my prenatal check up today, along with a precautionary ultrasound. Unfortunately, things are not going as smoothly as we have hoped they would. Charlie Ann is a very healthy active baby girl, weighing and measuring in the 49 percentile (a perfect little baby, but not too small) with a fabulous heart rate! However that being said my doctors have discovered symptoms that seem to threaten a preterm labor and delivery. We already knew that I was at risk for delivering early, however I never had any symptoms or signs confirming that I was threatening an early delivery. While we are very relieved to see such a healthy baby, we are very concerned about delivering too early. At this point in the pregnancy the chances of her surviving are above the 90 percentile, but that does not mean that she won't be facing a battle to thrive. Born too early, her lungs wouldn't be fully developed and she could have health problems that effect her through her lifetime. That being said, we know that nothing is impossible with God, and so we are asking that our friends and family pray for Charlie Ann. We are working with some great doctors, and we know that we are getting the best health care that we can get through this journey, so we need to leave the rest of it with God. We should know some more details next week when we go in for another ultra sound.

                 For now I am on partial bed rest again. I can walk to use the bathroom and get myself food, but I am not allowed to walk more than I need too. I am praying that God gives Alex and I the peace of mind and heart that we need to walk through these next several weeks. We are moving in a few weeks but with the complications we are having we are concerned about leaving me alone as much as I would be with Alex's work schedule. In any case, God has provided everything we have needed so far so we are going to try to trust that He is going to continue to provide! We are so thankful that we are surrounded by family who are willing to help us.

                Thank you all so much! We love you guys and hope we won't be sharing the news of Charlottes arrival too soon!


Love,
Leah

Highlights

       

We are now 27 weeks pregnant with our beautiful little girl! Next week we are going in for possibly our last ultrasound before she arrives. It is hard to believe it has already been almost 10 weeks since our last ultrasound when we learned we were having a little girl- a moment that will not soon be forggotten. Realizing that we were actually going to be parents to a little human was not an emotion that can easily be described with words. Discovering that we were going to be parenting a little girl took that reality to a whole new level. As I started dreaming of hair bows, frills, and tutus, Alex began planning his strategy for dealing with potential dates and boys of interested as she gets older. 

                       Charlotte at 18 weeks                              Our Gender Reveal picture at 18 Weeks

         

              This past summer has been filled with first time experiences for me such as my first trip to a Six Flag's park with Alex's family (Not that I could ride anything, but the adventure was fun non-the-less), and going on a Whale Watch out at sea. One of the most unusual but invigorating experiences of the summer was the 10 days we had a Japanese exchange student stay with us. We learned so much about Japan and his culture, and thoroughly enjoyed getting to know him and being a part of exposing him to some fun American experiences. We also enjoyed the summer in Bar Harbor, exploring the scenic beaches and ocean outlooks, to walking the crazy tourist ridden sidewalks of the downtown strip.

        Alex worked (and continues too) work very hard, long weeks! But he seems to enjoy working with the people of Bar Harbor for the most part, and gives a great tour of the town on the carriage rides. I ended up being given permission by my doctor to work, and I was instantly hired as a babysitter by an incredible family with two beautiful children who ran a bed and breakfast in town. The Ivy Manor Inn is one of the most beautiful Inns I have ever seen, and the owner equally passionate and caring hosts. After a few days, I ended up taking a second position as a hostess in their restaurant as well. I was blessed with an incredible family who bent over backwards and tailored the positions I worked to meet my physical struggles. I have never met any family so gracious and forgiving! It was a blessing to be working at the time that I was, for not a few days afterwards, Alex was out of work for a knee injury. With the extra income we just made it through the month! God always provides, as He proves again and again to us.

    In September I was given the opportunity to go down to New York for a baby shower and to visit with friends and family! My Aunts came up from Pennsylvania with my little cousins, whom I hadn't had the opportunity of seeing for well over a year. My talented Aunt Jenny made a beautiful cake for my baby shower! It was one of the most stunning cakes I have ever seen! The baby shower had a huge turnout. I was so overwhelmed by all of the love and celebrating of this beautiful new life growing inside of me. I know there were still several who weren't able to make it to the shower, but I have never been so assured by the friendships God has blessed me with over the years! I can't wait for our daughter to grow up meeting and having relationships with all of these incredible people! 

Alex and I were truly blessed by all of the gifts and we can't wait to share pictures of our little one using each and everything that was given to her with so much love and well wishes! I wish I had more pictures from the shower, but unfortunately I don't at this time! But see how gorgeous this cake was!! 

I had so much fun spending time with my Mom and Dad and my 6 incredibly fun siblings. I got to go shopping with my sister, and my mom. I got to spend time catching up with the little ones! And I got to celebrate my littlest sisters 10th birthday and my brothers 17th birthday while I was there! I also got to spend several days visiting with some of my best friends! I also had the first sleep over I have had in many, many years! Funny to think that in just a few months I'll be a mother and delegating sleep overs for our little girl as she gets older.

            As much as I loved seeing all my friends and going home for a long weeks, it was the first time I've been away from Alex since we've been married. Pregnancy does a lot to a woman, and having a husband to share all the worries, aches and pains, and nightmares with is a small comfort to a hormone raging individual. Needless to say, I missed him more than I thought possible. We are both fairly certain that neither of us will be up to another long week away from each other like that for a long while. On the bright side, I've never been more excited to see him by the time we were finally together again! I am pretty sure we slept holding hands that night. :)

           On the topic of strange things pregnancy does to a woman, one of the most embarrassing experiences I have had so far has been the occasional incident of wetting my pants. Over the last week I've had far more little accidents than I ever thought possible for a grown woman. That is one symptom I did not expect from this pregnancy! I haven't had as many cravings as I thought I would. My biggest cravings have been Maple smoked bacon, Lasagna, Locally made Maple Popcorn and cinnamon donuts. I am also not as hungry as I thought I would be. More often than naught, unless food is brought up I forget to eat. My dreams have definitely taken a turn for the worst. Vivid doesn't even come close to describing the intesity of my dreams. Pregnancy can be the only possible explanation.

       Over-all the pregnancy itself has been so easy! I love being pregnant, I love watching my belly grow. I love the fact that Charlotte flips and summersaults as soon as she hears her daddies voice. I love the fact that I can't sleep through a night because she dances her best in the stillness of early morning. I love that I never had morning sickness, and my acid reflux has gotten so much better instead of worse like we anticipated. I have only had more and more energy so far. (I know this won't last, but I'll take it while I can.) I can't wait to hold her in my arms when she arrives!

      On another note, while the pregnancy itself has been easy on me, it has triggered other problems that I have had in the past. I have had multiple seizure like episodes, which have become worse and more frequent as the pregnancy has progressed. Unfortunately, I am no longer able to work, drive, or commit to anything due to the irregularity and severity of these episodes. We are in the process of working with a specialist to diagnose and treat my case, and we pray that this problem is resolved and treated quickly. There are many things that could potential be effected by these episodes, but we are trusting God with it, and we know that He will take care of Charlie Ann and I.

      Not being able to work or do much outside of the house, has left me much time to read, write, and craft! My first big project was to make a rag quilt for Charlotte's nursery. I love how easy and fun it was and I can't wait to wrap her up in it! I am continuing to try to keep myself busy, combatting my depression and loneliness. So far I have been blessed with an uplifting week!

     

     Two of our biggest concerns coming into this winter has been finding a place to stay, and Alex being able to bring enough income into take care of us while I'm unable to work. God has gone so far above and beyond to provide for us, and we are learning that we just have to move forward trusting that He will provide and expect to be amazed again and again. Monday evening we met with a sweet gentleman with a SantaClause beard about renting a house he built many years ago that has been sitting empty.  When we met with him and asked about a security deposit (which has been our greatest struggle financially) he so graciously told us we didn't need to put down a security deposit because he trusted us. The house is set back in the woods, with a Maine coast charm. Inside exposed wood floors and beams brought back memories of the log cabins in Colorado that Alex has been so familiar with while growing up. The one bed room home is so much larger than we expected and has all of the amenities we need, including a washer and dryer! The only downfall and concern we have is dealing with the expense of heat. The rent is the most inexpensive we have found for what we are getting, and we are trusting that God is going to provide just what we need to get through this winter! We can't wait to move in to our new home within the next month!

                 Alex has also been given a second job that will become full-time with over-time the day after his position ends on the farm. We have just been blown away again and again as we watch God provide and answer our prayers! We know that as we approach the day when our baby comes into this world that our life is going to change dramatically, but neither one of us can wait to see where God is going to continue leading us as a family. We never thought we would be where we are today, so we anxiously look forward to seeing where God is leading us now.


We thank you all for your prayers and support! We miss all of our dear friends and family from New York and we look forward to sharing the joy that God is bringing into our lives!

Love to all,
Leah

Not Even Depression Can Hold Me Down

               I know it has been quiet sometime since I last worked up the courage to write. Depression is not a simple thing to work through, even as a believer in Christ. It is a sickness of the soul that eats away at any joy, hope, or self worth. After awhile everything just fades away and days begin to blend together giving little room for motivation- it is as if your spiritual self is turned over to a horrible disease known to turn you into a living zombi; your heart still beats but your emotional being is sedated leaving you unable to process feelings, thoughts or desires. I have struggled and fought against depression since I was young, but I never contend with it this badly until recently. I know that there are many people in the world who are overcome by the this soul feasting illness. I am not the first and nor will I be the last to grapple against this affliction. As I, many do not have a reason or better put, a known incident or circumstance fueling their devastated spirit. Sometime it is spiritual but often it is medically or chemically infused.

              Because of the depression, I have had such a hard time identifying with all the wonderful things God has done in my life individually, in my husband, and in our family as a whole. He has provided miraculously for us, and we are now officially at the point where we do not need financial help and are no longer dependent on family and friends to help us survive. While I can no longer work due to health, God has provided two good stable jobs for my husband. We have the opportunity to look for our own apartment or house, while trusting that God is going to continue to provide for us. I have had some answers to some of my health complications, and we are on the way to working through the remaining issues. Our marriage is stronger than it has ever been, and we are so close to becoming parents to our own little girl. We are surrounded by family who love and support us and by friends who encourage and love us in-spite of our always dramatic life.  While we have all of this, we realize that we are not entitled any of it. God has taken us out of mire given us a chance at a new start together with our baby girl on solid ground regardless of the struggles we honestly deserve due to our sin-inclinded hearts.

          (As I threaten death to the flies who continue to bulldoze into my head while I try to write.)

           There have been so many beautiful moments, reflections and memories through the last few months, that I have not been able to fully appreciate. I don't want to miss out on all of the joy that God has overly and abundantly blessed me with. I don't want to look back on precious moments through this pregnancy and fail to see the beauty and love in it. I thank God that through Him we have the power to overcome anything. With the encouragement and faithful love of my husband, and the Spirit of God prodding my heart, He has given me the strength to pray. Through Him I have broken those bonds of sedation, and my prayer life over this last week has completely changed. Though I have had a few bad days God has been slowly helping me work through this zombi like state that I have found myself captive too. In the last three days I have felt more joy, hope and life than I have experienced in quiet some time.

           I say all of this to encourage other women, men, or families who may be struggling against depression. You are not alone. There has been very little in my life these few months that should cause any amount of anxiety or depression, and yet I have struggle more than I ever have before. No matter what we are going through or the reason for those struggles, God is always there. I am so thankful He doesn't give up on me, and that my husband doesn't give up either. (God has blessed Alex with incredible amounts of patience and wisdom as I battled my emotions.)

           Everyday is a journey, where new trials and untold joy await. A day at a time we can get through anything as long as our hearts continue to seek out the Lord in everything.


I'll write again within a day or two highlighting some of the amazing things God has done in our life, through this pregnancy and what we look forward too over the next few months. Thank you again and again to everyone who has been praying, and encouraging me and my family. Please don't stop praying as God only just begun helping me work through this!

Much love and blessings to all,

Love,
Leah

Restlessly Resting

                    Seasons are moments in time which come and go with change and a cycle of life; giving time for growth and rest in the midst of the revolving world. For as long as I can remember I have kept myself busy. I was the nurturer, self-motivated dreamer, and go-getter of the family. I spent my days from childhood to adulthood caring for my family, dedicating my time and energy to school, and to my work; knew what I wanted and I worked and gave everything I had until I reached that goal. I don't think there has ever been a true season in my life for rest, save unless I was to find a lack in my memory. At sixteen I graduated and immediately started working full-time, applying myself to learning more of scripture and pursuing my passion of working with children. I have always been happiest while busy and actively involved in peoples lives. Since the beginning of June I have walked into an entirely foreign season of my life.

                    I have spent the past several months painfully resting from the full and expectant days I so enjoyed. As nanny my daily objectives were to serve that family in every way I could. I cooked, cleaned, and cared tenderly for the children I fell so in love with. As a wife I served my husband in any way I could, cooking, cleaning and managing our small home. As a believer and servant of Christ I spent my time and energy seeking for ways serve the church and the people He placed in my life. Everything I loved revolved around what I could give and do to serve and love. It was my expression of love, my wordless exclamation of my devotion to Christ. When the time came that I could no longer work for the sake of the growing baby in my womb, it felt like someone thrust me into a dark prison cell, without food or water, lightless and forsaken. I was being banned from expressing my love and joy to the world in the only form I had ever learned to appreciate.

                   I had unconsciously depended on serving and giving myself (whether by time, energy, money, or gifts) as a way of earning God's love. No sooner then when I had suddenly been thrust into a situation where I was forced to sit back and let other people help me, did I realize the hole I had fallen into through the years. Moving to Maine only reiterated the conviction I refused to admit. I found myself completely dependent on other people, and with the exception of Alex's family we really knew no one. I spent the first few weeks depressed and anxiously trying to find someway to 'feel useful'. I felt worthless; that I had no purpose in life any more. I struggled deeply with the notion that God hated me and that essentially He wouldn't wouldn't want me and no one else would. I realize today how entirely ludicrous my concerns were, but in the moment the concept was no less devastating.

                 Over the last few weeks I ended up in the Emergency room again several times with various health issues. Dealing with infections and illnesses that continue to reoccur creating more problems with the pregnancy preventing more and more my ability to pursue work and limiting my independence. In addtion to all the questions that were already running through my head and the insecurities I felt in my relationship with Christ, I continue to run into questions with my health, not knowing or understand why I am having the problems I am having or if there is something more serious going on underneath the surface. Questions of the babies health constantly nag at my heart, sincerely hoping that my health problems wont effect this unborn child in my womb.

                 All in all, I have realized that my understand of God's grace and His love have been completely misconstructed. With all of the change and my uncertainties I had fallen into a thought process that revealed my error. I would realized that I had ever subconsciously thought I had to earn God's love and the love of the people in my life. In that I found myself not assured of His love and promises for me and my family. In the midst of this dark moment in my life, a little light flickered and with the loving guidance of my husband and the Lord my eyes were opened to see where I had fallen.

                It doesn't matter what I do today or rather what I cannot do today, the fact that I have such a difficult time embracing is that there nothing I can do to earn the love, mercy and faithful grace of Christ needs to change. My relationship with Christ or with people cannot be dependent on what I can do and give to it, rather when seasons of rest come and I am put in a position where I am unable to give I need to learn to sit back, breathe and simply enjoy the relationships I am living in and allow God to give to me and my soul. Resting has never easy for me, for guilt is always wrapped around me, but from today onward, I am make a statement; I recognize where I am struggling and where I need to be and I making an effort to move there. With prayer and the patient guidance of my family (specifically Alex) I know God will help me get there. So for today I rest in the knowledge that God knows where my heart is and that He is going to walk each day with me.

              *As a note I do have several doctors appointments coming up to figure out what is going on with my health. Please keep the baby and myself in your prayers as we work through this, and for patience and peace for my husband as he worries and works hard to take care of us. Depression is really difficult thing to work through and I am not very good at communicating with my friends and family about where I am honestly. Please pray for me. This not something changes overnight, I need people to help hold me accountable and to encourage me.

I think of everyone often, sending you each my love and prayers!

With love,
Leah

Here We are Again...

             Anyone who has been following this blog knows that things have yet to work out as we plan. I don't think there has been a single plan we have worked towards that did not in some way entirely fall through. I know it has been several months since I have last written and shared where God was leading and what God was teaching Alex and I. Honestly I have just been far too overwhelmed to know where to start or to acknowledge what God has been doing. It has been a very crazy last several months with many changes, plans, and complications. Many of you know most of what Alex and I have been facing over the last few months, but for those who may not I will try with little words to briefly catch you up on our slightly bizarre life.

              I do not quiet remember where I left off last, other than sharing that we had moved out of the live-in home where I had been nannying. We had moved into my parents home, where they graciously welcomed us and gave us a place to stay while we got back on our feet. Our goal was for me to find a new job and to save up enough for a security deposit for a new apartment, however after a few weeks it became apparent to both of us that our aspirations would not be easily attained. We discovered that we were going to have a baby a week before we left my job. We did not share our news with many people due to the fact that we had miscarried twice before. Holding our breathe we waded through the next few weeks hoping that we wouldn't run into complications. We had a couple scares early on, but after seeing my doctor early on and having our first ultrasound where we saw our little babies heartbeat for the first time, we breathed a sigh of relief. At the time we had a healthy developing fetus and I was doing okay. The first major problem that we encountered in attempt to achieve our goal was the fact that I seemed entirely unable to get a job. Being pregnant made it difficult to find any family who was willing to work with me as a nanny. I even began seriously looking and pursuing jobs outside of nannying and childcare. But not one company even graced me with an opportunity to interview.


         After a long month of waiting for call backs and searching anxiously for a job, I finally got a call from a father looking for some help with his two sons. I had a start date within the week, however due to unfortunate circumstances for the family the dates continued to be pushed back further and further and it began to look as though I may not have job after all. The weekend I was first supposed to start I had our first major baby scare. I was put of bed rest for several days whereafter things started looking better for our baby and I. I began walking around a little bit again and attempting to get moving hoping that everything would continue well for the baby and slowly but surely I started feeling more like myself. Alex and I really began to worry about the possibility of me being put on bed rest for a decent part of the pregnancy, and became concerned with how we would make it if I couldn't work so we began praying over it and giving our fears to God. The following week my fears came to pass when my job fell through and the father of the two boys no longer needed my employment. Frustrated I began applying in a frenzy to anyone that would accept an application. Four days passed when my doctors discovered bleeding in my uterus due to my placenta implanting into a blood vessel (a rare phenomenon). Concerned for the baby and my own health I was put back on bed rest until further notice with the potential of continuing through the whole pregnancy.

       I have to say; trusting God is hard. You do everything you know to do to make things work: you pray, you work hard but sometimes it takes a little more than what you can do. Alex and I were struggling to understand that God has His own plans even when things just seem to get worse and worse. When we found out that I could potentially be on bed rest and unable to work through the whole pregnancy panic welled up inside of us, almost to the point where neither of us felt like we were able to breathe or function. In our heads and hearts we knew God had a plan but at that point we just couldn't see how it would work out.

        Alex began apply for a second job anywhere he could, but he ran into the same problems I was running into. No one would call back for an interview. There were times where he was even verbally promised an interview and the company just never called to officially set one up. It is hard when you know that God is bigger and has the power to give and take away, and He is just doesn't seem to do anything to help the situation. After three weeks of stressful worrying an option became available however neither one of us were prepared for what was being proposed. Alex was offered a job in Bar Harbor Maine. It would pay the bills while we lived on his parents farm helping as a coachman and stable hand. There were many opportunities for a second job if he found he had the time and was guaranteed a position should he take it as a catering hand for a hotel owner in town. As much as we hated to admit it, it sounded like it could work. We started praying seriously about the proposition, mean while Alex gave it another shot with finding a second job in New York. After several days of not hearing anything back from anyone, we made the decision to move to Maine. We had two week to get up there where Alex would start his new job.

       My parents graciously helped us with packing and moving our things which had been in storage and they agreed to help us move the little we had up to Maine. It really wouldn't and didn't take much to move but telling our friends we were moving was the most difficult and heartbreaking thing either of us had to do. It was amazing how over the next few days thing just effortlessly fell into place. We had a peace in our hearts and truly believed that God was going to take care of us.

       A week passed and I was suddenly told that I needed to go to the ER after experiencing multiple fainting episodes. We spent the day in the hospital to receive good and bad news. The good news was that the bleeding had stopped in my uterus and the baby was safe! I could go off of bed rest after a month. However, I was having problems with my fluctuating blood pressure and heart rate which was causing the abnormal fainting and dizziness so I still would not be able to work and my driving privileges were revoked for the entirety of the pregnancy. I was also warned that as the pregnancy progresses that my symptoms could become more pronounced and exaggerated. Relieved that the baby was okay, we took a deep breath and continued preparing for the move.

         Over the last week we said our good-byes and tried to see our friends as much as we could before the big day. We hadn't realized how many friends we had or how many people had effected our lives and encouraged us through the last few years, months, or weeks. So many more people had touched us in someway than either of us had begun to comprehend, in the same way we hadn't realized how many lives we had touched in some way. God works in amazing ways. He uses people we would have never expected and circumstances we could have never planned to speak something incredible into our hearts and minds. I will never regret a moment of any of the friends and acquaintances we have acquired along the way. Saying good-bye has never been so hard for me. Though we were moving near family and knew of people in their church, it couldn't compare to the relationships we had developed in New York.

       Friday came and we packed up the car, Alex worked his last shift at Starbucks and we set out on the road for the evening. Eleven hours later we pulled into the drive way of our new home. A little RV greeted us with little orange lights lit by the little door to show us the way. There was something strangely charming about the little trailer by the light of the stars outside. It was our home for now. A place we could call home. A space for our own, to get us through the next several months until the baby comes. At 2:45 in the morning a bed never looked so inviting. We slept until we woke to the sounds of clucking chicken in the morning.

         We have been in Maine now since the 8th of July. It is beautiful here. Alex loves his new job and is pursing a second job at the time. We are mostly unpacked and loving having our own space again. There is so much to explore and adjust to here. Living on a farm is a completely new experience for me but I am loving it! There are horses, lambs, chickens, bunnies, dogs, cats and a lot of bugs every where.  The sun sets are beautiful and the ocean is literally right down the Crooked Rd. Within the next month we hope to be able to pay all our bills again and work on paying off hospital bills. The baby is growing more everyday and so is my belly (slightly more than expected at this point). Tomorrow morning I have my first appointment with my new midwife and I am hoping to hear that things are going well so far.

          God has been so good to us even we can't understand where He is leading us or why. He has been taking care of us and I know He will continue to. So we are going to take a deep breath, work hard, pray often and trust where He is leading us. I promise to write soon and share some of our adventures so far, but as for tonight I can hardly keep my eyes open a minute longer. So until next time.

Alex and I miss all of you!!!

15 Weeks Pregnant! 

Love,
Leah

Beyond our Plans

          I know it has been a few weeks since I have had the motivation to share the crazy ever changing circumstances of our lives. In all honesty I don't even know where to begin or how to begin since our move to Cato. Our lives have yet again proved with great insistence that we are not going to have an easy ride through life. It has been no secret that we had been faced with a trying job and living situations. We tried so hard to make the situation work, but as the days continued and the weeks grew longer and longer, we were wrought with one situation after another. Eventually due to a health concern and yet another frustrating situation we were forced to make a decision. Do we stay and deal with these circumstances and risk my health, bitterness, and anger to take over our lives or do we leave and trust that God will continue working in this home? It was a very difficult decision to make, but over the course of the next week the answer was clear. It was time to leave.

          There is a time and a season for everything, for this family the time was a little more than a month. In the time that we were with the kids, we saw a huge change in both of them. The little boy started praying and regularly asking for us to pray with him and the little girl started opening up and sharing things on her heart. It was obvious to us that God was beginning to work in the lives and hearts of these children. In many ways I felt like we were failing God and these children; as if we were abandoning them without a care. God knows our hearts were so far from wanting to leave those precious children but we knew we could not continue to purposely keep ourselves in a situation that was not healthy, or deepening our relationship with Christ. A few weeks prior, we knew we couldn't just give up and that God was not yet opening a door for us to get out of the situation. But as the week progressed, more options became available. Starting things off Alex's job transfer failed to go through leaving him driving over an hour to get to work every day, thereafter more pieces began to fall in place and before we knew it we were preparing ourselves to move on.


          Unfortunately the conversation with my boss didn't go over well and we ending up moving out entirely that night. We are so thankful that we were able to bring one of our closest friends with us to pack up and get out due to the fact that things were not going over very well. The guys managed to pack up and clean up in just an hour and a half. After all was said and done we had never been so relieved to be out of a situation before. For now we are staying with my parents until I get a job and we can get into an apartment. It is frustrating not to be in our own place and to be out of a job, but over all we are so thankful to have a roof over our head and food in our bellies. We are surrounded by so many incredible people who daily reach out and minister to us. God has been good to us, and we know that He is leading us somewhere. For now we are practicing patience and faith, and learning to trust even through uncertain times.

Thank you for all of your prayer and thoughts.

Love,
Leah



         

What Have We Gotten Ourselves Into?

                     You would think that after seven months of consistently not expecting what God would do in our lives that we would learn to not expect anything in particular. In fact giving room and a large allowance for the unexpected. But God knows that we don't learn things very easily, so it goes to prove once again that indeed God allows, leads and intervenes in our lives in ways which we would never prepare for. Our most recent venture stands on terms no less unanticipated. The only difference is that this endeavor so far persists ever more onerous; seemingly impossible at moments.

                    Upon moving in with this new family as the live in nanny with my funny lovable husband the question has repeated itself more times than either of us care to admit: "What on earth have we gotten ourselves into?"

                   I have been faced with a multitude of shocking situations, disheartening realities, and frustrating circumstances over and over again. This home is beyond disorganized and in desperate need of a relationship with Christ. The circumstances and needs of this home are so far above and beyond anything I expected or feel that I have to give. There is no doubt in either of our minds that this family is in desperate need of an intervention and an example of a God honoring Christ centered relationship. With a single small bed room and bathroom of our own, we have otherwise been placed in a whirlwind  of emotions and expectations. We were not expecting to become like parents and missionaries to this family. Apparently God had a different idea in mind- I should have known.

              Over the first two weeks we tried so hard to convince ourselves that this couldn't possibly be where God wanted us, but circumstances proved to differ. God intentionally made certain that we wouldn't be able to find a way out of this. He made it near impossible to question where He wanted us. So having accepted that we are supposed to be here, we are now trying our hardest to find contentment in our living situation.

             The job itself has been one of the most exhausting jobs I have ever worked. The hours over the first week ended up being anywhere from 6:30 in the morning until 8:30 that night every day. With three dogs, four cats, other small animals, and a large house to clean, in addition to the two kids I watched, the days ended up being very long and stressful.  After two weeks of this crazy schedule and work load, I built up the courage to meet with and discuss the situation with my boss. Until that morning, the reality of my insecurity in talking over disagreements and challenging another person became painfully evident to me. I have never been so terrified to talk to someone before. I was so afraid of what she would say or do when I brought up some of the uncomfortable situations.  However, being convinced that God would desire an honest and mature attempt at communication instead of allowing bitterness and discontent to build up in my heart, I submitted to Him.  The conversation ended up going over very well, and since last weekend things have been going much smoother in relation to the work hours and the work load.

              Though the days aren't quiet so long, I am still amazed at the need of God's presence in this house hold. This will not be an easy couple of years. We need prayer, patience and a lot of wisdom. God willing we will touch these beautiful kids and this Mother and maybe learn a thing or two from them. We are going to be full time missionaries here and we pray that God continues to lead us.  I think it is painfully obvious that we have no idea what we are doing. I am so thankful to my friends and family who have been encouraging both Alex and I through the last few weeks, and I have no doubt that we will continue to rely on the wisdom and insight others will bring into our simple understanding. Thank God we don't have to rely on our own experiences to work through this.

Here are a few picture of our new "very messy" room:

             Love to all,
Leah