When Spring Brings Healing

         Winter leaves us in a sleepy state of mind and heart. It is actually proven that people struggle with depression more in the last three months of winter then at any other time of the year. December comes and it is white and exciting, but when January rolls around; white turns to gray, snow becomes slush and the whole world seems to sleep. I think often times my life can go through seasons in likeness to the changes we see in our world. I find myself having intervals when I'm coming back to life, growing and blooming, times when I'm active and running around with determination and conviction, times when I'm slowing down and getting comfortable, and then I certainly have moments when I feel like my spirit goes into a state of hibernation; often leading to depression. In the midst of these last several months, winter has settled deep in my soul, burying me in a sedated mess of sluggish emotions.

         I've struggled off and on with depression for most of what I can remember of my life. There have been times when I needed to seek out help, and then times where I would loose myself so much that God would have to pick me up and out Himself because no one else was able to do the job. I am not sure why depression has been something I've always struggled with; but it is my thorn and whatever the reason, it is something God has had to work me through over and over again. This past season has been no exception.

       In the time we lived in Maine, God took me through a pretty serious process of identifying and admitting to myself the source of a lot of pain I've buried and left untouched through my childhood and adolescence. Not only has He brought out of me some painful memories and emotions, but He also has shown me the danger of allowing myself to burry everything from myself and the world, and how that has affected my perception of Him and of myself. I've learned that I believe and have believed a lot of false truths of myself and of who God is.

       The more I think back to our time in Maine, the more I am seeing it as a time where God isolated us from everything familiar and began challenging us and testing us in ways we couldn't have been while home in New York with our friends and family. He took us out of our comfort zone and placed us in a situation where we were forced to depend on Him entirely to help us work through some issues and strengthen us again. Maine was a good thing. God used it, and when we felt like we couldn't handle it anymore, He provided opportunity to go home and bring us back into communion with the people we so dearly love.

      I feel like Spring is right around the corner; not just literally, but also spiritually. I've had to trust God to help me work through this depression and dormant state. Not only is He bringing me out of it, but I'm arising with healing, new growth and a greater picture of who God is and who I am in Him. I'm still struggling through some things, but I see hope on the horizon, waiting for me with renewed vigor. I'm seeking out help and allowing God to take me through the process to find wholeness in Him, regardless of my weaknesses and crippled spirit. Just like Spring I feel like I'm finally coming alive in Christ again, after far too long a season of sleep and despair.

        I'm still struggling with seizures, but I hope that as God walks me through this process of healing that I will begin to see some relief from these episodes that continue to take a toll on my life and my family.


     On another note, Charlotte continues to grow strong and defy the odds set against her from day one. We are so excited to see her personality blooming and to watch her grow continually! She is so bright and happy, and such an incredible blessing. It's hard to believe that just a year ago, the grief from loosing our first two babies blinded us from any hope of having a baby to hold, and now we can watch our little girl fall asleep in our arms. What an amazing feeling! It goes to show that even through seasons of pain and frustration we have had no lack for blessings and joy.


With Love,
Leah