How Marriage Hasn't Met My Expecations

I've spent several days trying to write this post. I still don't feel like I've fully expressed what is going through my head right now, but then again I don't think there is anyway to fully express what is on my heart in this case. 





I don't know about you guys, but since I've been married and now as mamma, I have had my share of

'What in the world is going on?' moments.

Surprise, surprise...I don't have this wife and mothering thing quiet figured out.

Oh, and by the way it is probably one of the two hardest jobs in life...ever...ever...ever...

I've only be a wife for...two?...Two and something months... I can't even count any more. (Anyone else have problems with memory after motherhood?) It has become pretty obvious to me that I have so much to learn about my husband still... not even exaggerating.

We have been together since I was fourteen. (not married-please don't have a heart attack) We were best friends, and I'm pretty comfortable saying that I'm pretty sure we thought we knew each other better than we knew ourselves. We told each other everything, prayed together, and pretended to know each others thoughts before we even spoke them. We were two peas in a pod, went together like peanut butter and jelly, and donuts and coffee. We were the very best dynamic duo ever!...well maybe not ever...but we are probably in the top ten at the very least.


Since I've been married, I've learned...well his peanut butter can be a little nutty, his donut a little
sweet, and sometimes that pea pod is a little cramped.... It's kind of like our first night together....

We honest to goodness thought that once you were married that you had to sleep completely wrapped in each others arms, as much body touching as much body as humanly possible. After not sleeping a wink, we realized that picture was a little messed up. We learned very quickly that the image we had of our bedtime routine was not going to be like the movies. So now that we can actually sleep next to each other contently without being all up in each others space, we are sleeping and enjoying our cuddle times more and more.

Just like realizing that real people don't sleep all completely entangled in each others arms night after night, I'm also realizing again and again that marriage is not like the movies, or the books. It is harder, more frustrating but also more beautiful and rewarding than any little movie or story could possibly portray.

My point simply put: Marriage is not what I expected. It's harder and far more wonderful than I could have ever imagined.


I love my husband dearly, and more deeply than I ever thought possible, but that doesn't mean that loving him always comes easy. It isn't a honeymoon romance that lifts us up and carries us through the sky like the Magic Carpet from Disney's Aladdin. Let me face the stone stalk truth- Love is a choice. Daily, moment by moment, choosing to lay myself down for him.

Yeah, yeah we all heard that growing up. But the reality of literally choosing day after day to put the needs, wants and desires of someone else first; sacrificing yourself entirely for him or her, is much harder than it seems.

When we first got married, I was pretty sure there were very few things my husband could do wrong. Sure he was human but I thought his quirks and shortcomings were kind of adorable. It made him unique and it made him who he was. I loved him in spite of his weaknesses and failures- I think it made me feel needed too (which I loved). I knew in my head that we didn't have it all figured out as a couple, but even still the reality of what that would look day to day or what we would have to face together didn't quiet sink in.

Low and behold, here comes the reality of marriage and what I didn't expect-

       1. I will have days when I will be irritated with my husband- Sometimes for no good reason.

       2. Sometimes we need space from each other. Dare I even say that there have been times when we just needed a moment to ourselves?

        3. There will be times when my husband hurts me and when I hurt my husband.

        4. I don't always know what my husband is thinking, or what he needs. I will always be learning and discovering things about him. It going to take a lifetime pursuit of his heart, earnestly seeking to know him selflessly and with a purity only found through Christ to even begin to shed light on shadows in the caverns of his heart.

 The last and most unexpected presumptions of what our marriage would be like is how deep and patiently our love has grown. I'm finding that as the honeymoon phase has worn away and our blindfolds have been lifted to show us the reality of daily life together, suddenly the passion and romance no longer drives us through our days untied. Instead a slow, earnest, patient, love that bears with forgiveness and understanding pulses through our hearts binding us deeper, closer and more intimately then we ever could have anticipated. In spite of all of our faults and the many ways we fail each other daily, we pursue each other devotedly faithful to knowing each other as fully and completely as we possibly can until our days are done.

This is has not met my expectations, it has abundantly exceeded my wildest dreams. 

I can't wait to see where God leads us together from here

Love,
Leah