God Has Opened Doors-Always Uncomfortably Certain

              Over the last few days we have panicked and worried over our jobs and housing situation. There were moments where we felt like things would never get better, and that God just didn't have a plan and didn't care about us. In the same month we lost our car and our apartment and we struggled with health issues. Just when things started to look up, our world would come crashing down all around us once again. Deep in my own heart, I know God has had a plan all the while, but in the moment when we didn't have the money, time, or means of provision, faith seems little more than a inadequate luxury.  It is hard to believe that God truly cares for you when one thing after another comes cascading down around your feet. Even though all of our needs were met, and we always had just enough to make it by (many times without understand how or where the money or means would come from), we still struggled shaking off the anxiotey and doubt we had in where God was leading us. We were so foolish.

            Last Saturday we spent the day packing the last of our things, moving and cleaning. We were have financial complications with one of our bank accounts which was in the negative at the time. This one only one of the many frustrations and concerns we had. We had no money, were in the process of being kicked out of our apartment, and had no idea where we were going to go. I had spent that whole morning praying and praying. Part of me was confident in what God was allowing, knowing that He must be leading us somewhere, but when I discovered our financial crisis that morning all hope and faith slowly began to crumble. I was excited to see where God was leading us and at the fact that we wouldn't be exposed to the mold any longer, but I was making myself sick worrying about how we would make it through the next few days. We had taken a break and I had gotten the last of our mail. The first few envelops contained bills and insurance notes, I found myself hyperventilating and praying that God would provide the money for gas and the bills I had just received. I opened the next envelop to find a $17.53 check from our insurance for mileage compensation the day of the accident. It wasn't much but I knew it would be enough to get us gas to get to work. I stared at the next envelop scared to open it afraid that it would contain another notice begging for money. As I opened it I felt my jaw drop. There in the envelop was a check for $77.00. I could feel tears rising in my eyes. Somehow we were over charged for car registration and they had mailed us this check as compensation. It couldn't have come at better time. With money to spare we were enabled to attain gas and deposit in our negative account. Alex and I were beyond thankful, there was no doubt in our mind that God was providing.

           The checks instilled peace and faith in our hearts and we were able to relax trusting that God was just going to continue to provide. From that point on we continued unloading and reloading my parents van smiling and teasing each other like old times. I dropped Alex off at work shortly thereafter and then went back to the apartment to clean. I wasn't in the apartment for more than five minutes when I got a message from a woman through my nannying company. It was from a single Mother living outside of Syracuse who wanted a live-in Nanny to take care of her home and two children. My heart literally skipped a beat. Could this possibly be God opening another door for us? Ordinarily I would have never ever considered a live-in position due to the fact that I was a married woman. Most people wouldn't even consider taking in a live-in married couple. I waited to respond giving thought and prayer to the possible situation as I finished cleaning. Later that evening before I sat down to dinner with my family, I responded offering my phone number and the opportunity to talk through the situations. Not 30 minutes later she called me. We ended up talking for an hour or so, and I walked away from the conversation with a date for an official interview and a connection with this mother.  I was torn with the possibility. On one hand I would be forced to leave the family I work for now which would break my heart to pieces, but it would put us in a position where we wouldn't have to worry about an apartment or utilities and have an opportunity to work full time. The next few days passed and we kept searching for apartments in the area without any responses.

                 Wednesday night came and we drove out to the interview hopeful and painfully skeptical, we weren't sure what to expect or if this would be any possible reality. We were desperate but not desperate enough to take just any apartment or  job that could potentially put us in an unnecessarily  stressful situation. We had made a pact with each other that we would not walk away having accepted the job without taking a day or two to think it over and pray about it but we were not prepared for the situation we were walking into. We drove up to a beautiful yellow home, with a pool and trampoline in the back yard, well maintained and fairly new. It was beautiful. We were greeted by a lovely woman and her three well-behaved dogs. As we were shown in, we met her two beautiful and darling children and her boyfriend. The men connected instantly while admiring each other's beards. For anyone who may not know, a beard speaks a lot about a man; it is man lingo for masculinity and respect. Alex says that the man with the better beard is always to be respected and looked up to.  We instantly fell in love with the family. Without realizing it five hours had passed and midnight was upon us like cinderella at the ball. We talked about everything under the moon, for Alex and I there was no question: God had been leading us here. We were hired on the spot and accepted.

               There are times where God simply makes Himself visibly clear. That evening it was like He was standing in front of us smiling, telling us that we were home. As we drove home we talked wondered at how God brought us to this point. Even the car accident was necessary for this job to work due to the miles Alex is going to be driving daily in order to live there. I would have never been able to take the job had we our apartment, or else-wise considered it unless we had been put in a desperate situation. God had to have been setting us up for this job for a while now. We are beyond excited to see   what He is going to do in this time we have with this incredible family. No doubt we will still be in a situation where we are forced to rely on Him: I am sure that living with another family will bring it's own struggles and trials, however I am confident in what He is doing.

              Tomorrow we will be officially moving in, and I will spend the next week working for both this new family and my current family. My last few days with my family here in the Clifton Springs area will be devastating and heart wrenching, but as sad as I am I am confident in God that He will provide another Nanny for this family and help me with the transition. I feel so foolish for ever doubting God's plan. Oh how faithless I can be, but so thankful that God forgives and draws me ever near.

           
'Oh, God, You know my foolishness;
And my sins are not hidden from You.' -Psalm 69:5-6

'I was so foolish and ignorant;
I was like a beast before you.
Nevertheless I am continually with You;
You hold me by the right hand.
You will guide me with counsel,
And afterwards receive me to glory
Whom have I in heaven but You?
And there is none on earth that I desire besides You.
My flesh and my heart fail;
But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
For indeed, those who are far form You shall perish;
You have destroyed all those who desert You for harlotry.
But it is good for me to draw newer to God;
I have put my my trust in the Lord God,
That I may declare all Your works.' - Psalm 73:21-28 


Love to all,
Leah