An Open Letter to My Husband

My Beloved

I choose you. You need to know that I chose you 7 (almost eight) years ago and I’m still choosing you today. I see your strength and devotion when you rise morning after morning in the early hours of the dawn. I see the weariness and stress that engulf you when you don’t think I’m looking. I know the hours of work you spend pouring yourself into work, school, parenting, our marriage, and all the lives of those God puts into your path day after day. I have watched you struggle to provide for us, never giving up, never giving into the pressures around you. I have watched you humble yourself over and over to do what you thought was best for us. I see you.

I want you to know that while I’m at home with our children, with your girls, I see you. As diapers need changing and the toddler is screaming because food got on her finger, I see you. When I’m up nursing at night and you have finally crawled to bed with bloodshot eyes, I see you. When I have grocery shopping, therapy, laundry, and a house to clean with two little ones in tow, I see you. When I’m lonely and struggling to hold it together, I see you. Everything that we have made together has been through God’s grace and your steadfast devotion. You are the reason I love being a mamma. Your sacrifices for our small, but growing world are what holds us together.

Our marriage hasn’t been perfect and parenthood has been a whole new ball game to boot. Boy, we sure didn’t know what we were getting into. The biggest thing God has taught me through it all, is that no matter what is going on in our crazy chaotic life, I will always have a choice. I can choose to find joy in the midst of stress and sadness, I can choose to pursue peace in the midst of chaos, I can choose to forgive instead of opening my heart to bitterness, and I can choose you. I do choose you. I chose you 7 years ago, to love, to stand by, to serve, and I still choose you today.

I know it hasn’t been easy. Motherhood has drained me, and more often than naught, my devotion has been carelessly poured into our kids, and all of the other little things in our lives, leaving leftover bits and pieces for you. Despite all of that, you still stood tall, without complaint, carried the weight of our little life. I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I’ve sacrificed you for our children, for my hobbies, and for my troubles. I’m sorry that I had stopped choosing you for a time.

You are the love of my life. Through the up’s and down’s, I will choose to see you, to adore, serve, and pray for you, before I complain or criticize you.  I will choose to pursue you instead of shutting you out when things become difficult. I will choose you before pushing you aside for the demands of others. I am first your wife and second a mother. I’m learning that it is all too easy for the places to swap when life happens, the babies cry, and the needs of the world knock on our door.

I just want you to know that as my husband and my best friend, I choose you over my phone, my TV shows, my books, and my hobbies. I also choose you over our children, over our home, and over our friends. And no matter what the future holds, I promise to choose you, in the midst of the fire and floods.

                                                                                                Because I love you.