A Year of Miracles

This year has been a year of miracles. Big miracles and little miracles. My faith has been tried, tested, and blown away by the faithfulness and grace of God. He has taught me that He cares about the little things and big things, most importantly that He cares about the condition and the longings of my heart. This time last year, I didn't know that I was pregnant with a miracle baby. I didn't know that I would be so sick the doctors would say I needed a miracle if I was going to survive. I didn't know that in the midst of all of that, my family would struggle financially, or that my daughter would face unexpected challenges developmentally. I didn't know that my husband was going to end up working full time and doing school full-time in addition. I didn't know that my faith was going to be tested in ways I couldn't have imagined. That was the year that followed despite my wildest dreams. 

While this year has not been easy, (not that any year in my life ever has been) it has been filled with joyful moments, peace, and the grace of God. My miracle baby is an overflow of joy in the midst of health issues, my Charlie girl is discovering the world around her continuously and I have the blessed joy of staying home with her watching her grow and teaching her.  My husband and I grow closer and more intimately interwound in each other's hearts and lives; becoming more and more as one through Christ and less like two trying to fit into each other's worlds. 

God has filled our lives with deep friendships, a church family, and visions for our future. We have experienced love on a whole new spectrum and thrived through relationships we didn't know where possible. My babies Godmother moved back home this year and has blessed us and our family so much with her devotion and servants heart, I've made friends with new mom's, young families at church and people from my past. God has also brought biblical mentors into my life which is something I've longed for through the past years. This year was hard but God didn't let me face it alone. He surrounded my family and my heart with people who would be an outpouring of the love of Christ.  

Spiritually, finding peace in the midst of the chaos of this past year was easily the most challenging part of the year. I love how Adam Houge phrased it in his book 'With Jesus in the Quietness', "To portray a peaceful heart in the midst of distress is an expression of profound faith."  This is everything I strive for in my day to day living. Only through the Holy Spirit and complete surrender is it possible. Through every distress to have faith in the power and sovereignty of God there is room for peace. I am far from mastering faith, but my faith is constantly growing and strengthening in God. 

This next year my prayer is that my faith will increase and that peace would fill my days regardless of what I may face in the coming weeks and months. It is also for you, that God would increase your faith and that you would experience His outpouring of love, grace, and mercy in your life whatever may await you in the coming days.

  

   

Mamma, Wife, and Disciple of Christ

I was on my second cup of coffee and my head was swimming with my to-do-list.  It was nine at night, and the baby had just settled and was sleeping peacefully at my feet in her rocking bassinet. I was cramming in a last minute study session before bed; rather, attempting to. I found myself wondering if I was crazy for thinking that I could go back to school right after having a baby, in addition to filling my roles as a wife, mamma of two under two, homemaker, friend and disciple of Christ. Would my other responsibilities suffer as I took on the new status of a part-time college student?

I have experience exhaustion on a level I didn't imagine possible over these past three weeks, but despite the chaos and business that my life has suddenly consumed, I have felt more grounded and fulfilled than I have in a very long time. I wondered if I could do this; all of the roles God has put on my heart to engage and fulfill. Would I be effective in my roles, or end up just getting by or making it through? I didn't want to feel like I was just surviving, and I didn't want my husband, kids, friends or God just to get the leftovers of my time and attention. I am exhausted at the end and sometimes the beginning of each day, but I am also filled with excitement for each plan I have for the week. I went from going through each day with my daughter and husband feeling bored and empty. I wasn't having an impact on my family and friends or for Christ. I was just going through the motions every day.

Looking back, I think my daughter and husband got less of me when I had nothing going on, then they do today even with everything we have going on. Our days are filled with meaningful and intentional plans and to-do. It is contagious; the sensation of doing something for which I am so passionate; my devotion to my husband and kids is unhindered. I am restless with a desire to serve God where I can, reaching out and putting myself out there to minister and be ministered to by the body of Christ. I am driven to educate and equip myself to care for the orphans, foster children, and individuals that desperately need help and love. I am anxious to share my testimony with my followers and reach women and marriages with hope and truth. I am currently being given opportunities to do all of this and instead of being overwhelmed and discouraged, I am more focused and excited about my life than I ever have been. 

As mamma's, particularly stay-at-home mom's, I think there is a tendency to feel stuck and lonely, or to feel like your not doing much with your life. Not to say that raising children is not doing much because believe me this is probably one of the most demanding and rewarding jobs we will ever do. But, some days being home with the kids and just kids is lonely, frustrating, and challenging. I'm finding that it is important to remember that God gives us passions for a reason and more than that when He gives us opportunities He will also supply us with the means to do it. 

While being a mamma is one of my favorite things, I also have other things I enjoy doing. One of those things being serving others when I have the opportunity. I want my girls to grow up watching and learning from me, and I want them to see the heart of Christ living through me and the way I spend my days and time. I may be giving all my time and energy to things God has given me, but instead of feeling run down and worn out, I am running on an invisible endless flow of energy. 

My advice today is to find a way to get out and get active and involved with others and in things you feel strongly about. When you have opportunity fill your time with the things that excite you and draw you closer to Christ and those you love. When we are doing something we love it gives us purpose and a drive that propels us through time leaving a fingerprint on the lives around us. 

Evelyn Eira Sue

     It's been five weeks since we met our little miracle for the first time. Five weeks ago, scared to death of a major surgery, anticipating complications, we were getting into our car at four thirty in the morning. It was then that I realized that our whole life was about to change and that we were finally about to meet this precious baby God had put in my womb and so tenderly cared for.

       The pain from the pregnancy had become so severe that I hadn't been sleeping or eating, and barely functioning over the last three weeks. I longed for each night and when it came would fall into bed so exhausted and desperate for sleep and relief from the agonizing contractions and searing internal pain, I would beg God to break my waters, or to make it obvious to me that the big moment had come. I spent the last three weeks in tears, with prayers on my lips and desperation in my heart. Every morning I'd get up wondering if I would make it through the day, wondering if I could take one more step, lift one more basket, or make one more lunch.


       On the morning of September 10th, I walked out our front door, scared but so ready to have this baby. I was ready to meet this child that I never dreamed I'd be able to love and call my own. We walked into the hospital and from the first moment I knew it was going to be a good day. The nurses were so kind and gentle with me; they were attentive and reassuring at every moment as I was prepped for the operation. Everything went so smoothly, from the IV to the labs and everything else under the sun.

       I had been praying that my doctor would be open to trying a gentle cesarean; a c-section where the baby is immediately placed on the mother's chest after birth encouraged to nurse and bonding through the skin on skin. I knew that there was a chance they would be able to prevent me from going into shock following the procedure if I could feel the baby on my chest. I wanted that experience more than I could put into words. When I asked the nurse, she was honest with me. They had never done a gentle c-section before, they weren't set up to be able to do it, they didn't have space. She did offer to bring the baby and hold her to my face right after birth until I was stitched up. I was grateful just for that.

       As they were rolling me into the OR, my doctor met me and told me she was going to have the nurses move some things to make a true gentle c-section possible. I cried. It was more than I had hoped. It ended up being a more peaceful and beautiful birth I had dared imagine. Again, God took a situation where the odds were against me and made something beautiful out of it. At 8:12 am, weighing 7lbs and 6 ounces, 21 inches long, Evelyn Eira Sue Jaffrey was carefully placed on my chest; Alex and I were holding our miracle for the very first time.

         Every moment of the fears and pain I faced through the pregnancy melted away like packed ice in early spring when everything begins to come to life. We spent the next three days in the hospital with our new daughter savoring the moments of newness and the reality of the blessing we were physically holding, kissing and cherishing. She was the baby the world told us we would never hold, now sleeping peacefully in my arms. She is the kind of miracle that shouts the power of my God.

        The following five weeks have only intensified the testimony of what God has done with this babies life and my life. The doctors were expecting healing to be a long rocky road and virtually filled with potholes due to some other health conditions I have. To everyone's surprise, especially my own, two weeks post surgery I was up and walking without medication and five weeks later fully back to myself.

 

                        

A Miracle

It's been such a long pregnancy; wonderfully, haphazardly long. In short, we knew this baby was a miracle when we conceived, but after the past eight months, there is no room for doubt: God has given us a very special gift that He has created, protected and nourished supernaturally. I don't know what He may have in store for this little child, but I am continually amazed and astounded by His grace and the hand He has so dramatically played in her life already. I don't know what lies in store for this little girl, but I do know that the God that gave her life, the God that protected her when I grew ill, and the God that has helped her thrive despite my ability to eat, sleep and function the way I need to, is a God that will continue to lead and guide her through this world whatever she may face. There have been days throughout this pregnancy when it has felt that the whole world was against her existence; but still she grew and is already a living testimony of God's healing, power, grace and mercy for us.

The truth is that I've been sick. Very sick.

I've been fighting infections, my body rejecting medication after medication, and doctors left baffled by what they were seeing. No one had the answers. No one understood what was going on with me or my body...or the effect it could be having on this unborn child inside of me. There was a moment where some very serious concerns were raised...fears that I and possibly my child wouldn't survive. My body was doing things that no doctor had ever seen before.

I was scared for a while. I wasn't sure what was going to happen to the baby or myself. I tried to be brave and courageous; I tired to trust that God had us in His hands. But it was hard.


It had gotten to the point where the doctors were left with only the option of taking me off all medications, hoping to buy enough time for the baby before they would have to take her. I was looking at a very high-risk and complicated c-section, a premature baby, and months upon months of treatment afterwards in hopes to heal the deep infection in my abdomen.

So, I went off of all medications and we started praying. We prayed, our church prayed, our family and friends prayed and then we waited to see how my body would respond. I met with several specialist, each confirming what my doctors where already seeing, but we started seeing some hope for the baby. The risks for the baby grew less and less each day. It was just my body that was struggling and fighting so hard.

Then one day, after an excruciating afternoon and evening, in more pain than I have ever experienced before, my husband helped me crawl into bed, and I slept for the first time in many nights. When I woke up the next morning, something immediately felt different. I realized that the pain was almost completely gone. Overnight all of the festering sores, huge areas of swelling, bleeding and the feverish sensation that had been pulsing through my body for weeks were completely gone. Where there were once open swollen wounds only painless purple scars remained.

Days later I met with my specialists again, where they presented me with biopsy results confirming the deep tissue fungal infection I once had. Seeing the scars and complete absence of the infection, left every doctor and nurse completely speechless. There was no medical or scientifically reasonable explanation for the sudden healing. "Fungus doesn't just go away, it has to be killed. Especially in the case of the extremely active and resistant infection you had. " one doctor said in hushed tones as she sat looking completely flabbergasted.




I don't know why God chose to heal me, but I have no doubt in my mind that He was the one behind it. He has been protecting this baby and myself from day one of this pregnancy. He has left doctors and nurses speechless, without room for explanations or rational reasonings. He has clearly made a point that He has a plan for this child and for me. Whatever we may face in the next month, I know that He will be glorified and lifted up.

A Rough Time

I can't really say that we've been going through a rough time lately. Granted, these days recently haven't been easy, or comfortable, but life as a disciple of Christ isn't (dare I say, shouldn't be?) easy, comfortable or relaxing. Real life in pursuit of Christ is not like living the 'American dream'. It's not about the perfect family, job, status, friends, or success. Joy does not come from a comfortable situation, the ideal living, great health, and making it all work. Life as a Christian is hard; we are promised to face persecution, trials, and a fallen world everyday. So I can't really say that we've been going through a rough time lately, because my life as a disciple has been nothing but rough- a crazy, sometimes unbelievable journey as I discover and serve Christ the best that I can.

I could tell you a sob story, tug on your heart strings as you sympathize over the things I've faced and my family has endured these past few months, but I'm not going to do that. Instead I want to share what God is continuing to speak into my heart along the way. This season, while a new string of 'trials' is not new in the sense of the tribulations - only the circumstances surrounding it. What we are going through specifically doesn't matter significantly in the big picture of 'going out and making disciples' or of 'following after Christ' or 'dying to ourselves', except that we are constantly learning through trail in error what it means to put Jesus first in everything.

What I am learning is that, no matter how hard things get, what I or my family my have to face physically, emotionally or spiritually, when we are able to keep our eyes and focus on serving and glorifying Christ and the Father first, then we experience Him the way David so rawly and yet eloquently emphasized in his psalms and prayers.  The great commission is about making His name known, proclaiming the good news to the world, and serving Him with humility and selfless abandonment. What I am continuing to realize is that, serving and loving Jesus with all my heart and my life is not about looking forward to the comfortable days, having great health, being in a good financial position, or anything else that makes life fun, or inviting. While none of that is bad, life does not guarantee any of it, nor should my heart be contented by it.

If Jesus can't satisfy my deep thirst for a fulfilling and meaningful life than none of that good fluffy world stuff can either. It never has and it never will be for me. That is why I have found contentment in the midst of these trials and great tribulations. That's why Paul could teach and serve so passionately and restlessly despite the multiple appalling persecutions he faced as a disciple and that's why people are still going out into the world, risking their lives, giving up their comfortable homes and lifestyles to share the good news with the desperately lost and hungry in the world.

In America especially, though not exclusively, it can be so easy to get sucked into this modern, self-promoting, comfort driven, materialistic mindset. Living in this world is like waking every morning and walking through a maze, so often getting lost in the things of this world; in the relationships, dreams and desires of our hearts- we loose sight of the One who is rooting for us. We get tangled up in the corn husks, stuck in the mud, and find ourselves hungry lonely and lost, wondering where we turned wrong when all we had to do was look up and keep our eyes on Him and His light guiding the way.

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As Mr. J. and I have struggled through this past month, people from all sides of our lives have come together to encourage and lift us up, but the truth is, that while this hasn't been easy, we are not surprised or discouraged. We have not been prevented from serving God, drawing near to Him or experiencing Him in our day to day life. In fact, the more difficult things become, the closer we are draw to Christ, each other, and the body of Christ. God does not allow these things in our lives to distract us from Him or beat us to the ground, He is simply allowing a work to be done in our hearts and lives that will ultimately draw us to Him and bring Glory and honor to Himself. Our trials and struggles today are a beautiful opportunity to know Christ and grow in Christ. We wouldn't trade that for the world.

While we aren't just going through a rough time, this life is rough. It's hard. We constantly have to fight against our heart's wants and desires, and die to ourselves, particularly when things get harder. This life is a constant battle ground. Whether we want to admit it or not, we are in the midst of a battle and there is an enemy who is seeking to bring us down and destroy us. We don't want the easy life, we want to stand up and fight, no matter what it costs. After all, these days will fade, these trials are only momentary; someday we will stand in the throne room of God and not one of these painful seasons will be on our minds as we stand in awe, worshiping the God of the Universe.


I just want to encourage you today. Whatever you are going through right now, however painful, impossible or hopeless things may seem, if you can truly keep your eyes on Christ and seek Him in the moment, He will be your rest and hope. There is a peace and joy in serving the Lord and putting Him at the forefront of everything you do and think. I have been in some dark valleys throughout my walk, but never once has my God forsaken and abandoned me.


With an Earnest Love,
Leah