Charlie is growing so fast! She has transitioned into a toddler bed, is speaking two-three word sentences and daily surprising us with new words. She is exploring and discovering a whole world of imaginary play. We are continually amazed at how well she is developing and how quickly she is picking up new things. She is very independent and determined to be like mommy and daddy in every way she can be. She still hates anything super sweet (cake, cookies, candy, ect.) unless it is chocolate. We aren't complaining as it makes feeding her super easy and healthy. Her favorite show is Curious George, and her two favorite movies are Despicable Me and Wreck It Ralph. She loves bunnies and hippos. Her favorites toys are her baby dolls, and play kitchen set. She loves to read (as long as she is the one reading and turning the pages), sing (she is working on singing the ABC's), and to dance. We are loving watching her grow and learn.
On another note, her leg and left side are still not doing better. She has very poor balance and a limp most days, with fevers consistently off and on. We are still working very hard with her Pediatric Neurologist to figure out what is going on. The good news is that it sounds like no matter what it ends up being, we should be able to treat her with physical therapy and some extra love and she should eventually be able to work through it and live a normal life. We just have to figure out what the source is so that we can determine a treatment plan that will help her.
It is really hard as a parent to see our daughter struggle so much so consistently. There are days when we struggle to have the patience and understanding she needs, and the knowledge to help her. Despite her pain and our frustrations she is still such a joy and delight. She has taught us so much through the last few months and continues to astound us day by day.
Mr. J. is doing great in his new job and has been continually blessed with where God has put him. We are so excited to see where God leads him through this career, and where He will ultimately lead our family. I'm so proud of how hard Mr. J continues to work and provide for us and how hard he works on honoring God in the work place...even when it could cost him his job.
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The pregnancy has been quiet difficult so far, and leaving the fear of an early delivery more and more prevalent. As it was with our pregnancy with Charlotte, we are left feeling at a loss with the continual complications I face week by week and the deep fear of an early delivery. It seems that as soon as we figure one issue out another one meets us by morning, leaving us feeling more and more hopeless.
But hopelessness is not an option with God. This past week He has really had to remind me that this baby in my belly, is not just an accident. This baby was a God given miracle. This baby would not exist without His hand. This is His baby. As much as I love my children, my love is still lacking; I love with an imperfect love. I have to remember that God loves these babies of mine with a perfect love. While I would endure and sacrifice anything for my children, He would give and suffer more.
This child in my womb is out of my hands, out of my doctors hands, resting only in God's hands. If He could miraculously give me another baby, then I can certainly trust Him to take care of this baby. In addition to this baby, I can also trust that He will take care of me. He is the only one who can give me the strength physically to bear the pain and suffering this pregnancy has brought, He can give my heart the peace and courage to walk through it until the end, and He can use my story and experience to bring Himself glory.
The truth is, when I wake in the mornings, there are somedays that I am not ready to face what I know the day will hold. The truth is, I am terrified of what may wait down the road for this baby and myself. The truth is, I am tired of carrying this burden of pain. There are days when all I can do is ask God "why me?" It's so hard to remember in the moment, that God is so much greater than these smalls days and moments of pain.
But there are also days, when the pain isn't so bad, and my heart is encouraged in Christ through my husband and friends and family. There are days when God reminds me that all of these little moments will be so worth it, and that He has a plan for this child and my life.
I do ask "Why me?" But I have to remember that I also have prayed and asked God to use me and my life to bring glory and honor to His name. I have begged Him to use me and to grow me in Him and through Him. I shouldn't be surprised or taken aback when things grow hard and I weary. He is giving me everything I have ever wanted. My sufferings and my struggles are an opportunity to exalt and grow in Him.
On the bright side, I am pregnant when I thought I'd never be able to experience the wonder and miracle of bearing another child. The baby is very healthy and active. We are more than half way through it! I have not been put on bed rest. I'm encouraged to walk outside and eat cookies. More than all of this, I've been given one greatest honors and blessings of carrying and mothering another one of God's children. There is no greater blessing in my life than serving God through my husband and children. I am an incredibly blessed woman and humbled by God's mercy in my life.
To end this little update, The Jaffrey family still doesn't have it all together, but we are growing (physically and spiritually), learning life together and loving it. While with life comes times of hardship and trials, there are also many incredible moments of life and beauty among them. We don't have a lot materially, but together, through God's grace we thrive on the treasures He pours over us day by day.
With an Earnest Love,
Leah
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