When God Stretches

Most of you know that the last few months haven't been easy for us. The pregnancy with little Eve has been wrought with uncertainty, sickness and unusual circumstances from day one. Throughout this past month in particular, we have been stretched and tested in ways that we couldn't have ever imagined. While incredulous at times, these circumstances that have invaded our lives are not without the presence and leadership of God; sometimes we just have to be reminded that God is bigger than anything we could face. 

If you are up for a little story, I have one to share that has taught me so much about the grace and courage of that comes from God. 

Once upon a time, we were told and had accepted the fact that we could never have another baby. Nevertheless we were surprised on Christmas eve with one of the most precious gifts we have ever received. It was the night that God stopped us in our tracks and humbled us in ways we couldn't have imagined. There is nothing like having God visit you and tell you that He had chosen you to do the impossible; that despite everything we had believed, God was making it possible. We were going to be parents again. 

While little Eve is growing and thriving with ease inside the protection of my womb, most days it appears that the world is literally trying to take me down- physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Beginning with infection after infection, doctor appointments every week for early onset contractions, to then having an allergic reaction to one of the only medicines that could possibly help hold off preterm labor. (By-the-way, the percentage of women to have any kind of reaction to this medication are %0.2) Since then we have faced flu after flu only to find out that somehow I managed to get a tick on me which resulted in a bulls-eye rash which was immediately diagnosed as Lyme disease. After a few weeks, it was apparent that something else was going on, so after seeing a few specialists, I was diagnosed with a strange fungus which had taken over the lower part of my torso. We are still not sure if I have Lyme in addition to the fungus or if the bulls-eye rash was never truly from the tick. So a blood test was ordered and within the next few weeks I should have the results and hopefully some peace of mind over that issue. 

The story doesn't end there however. After almost a year seizure free, my seizures and panic attacks suddenly started to come back in floods, causing even more contractions and often times debilitating pain. Then, about a day following the diagnosis for the fungus, I was outside letting the little one play in the grass and suddenly felt a pin-prick in my right leg. The grass was so tall I couldn't see what was on me, so I flung my foot quickly and the mysterious culprit scurried off. Later on while inspecting the bite I was horrified to see two fang marks in my leg which were already bruised and red. It must have been a large spider to leave a mark like that. I didn't really think anything more of it until a few days passed and I noticed a huge sore had appeared on my leg accompanied by pain. Thinking it might be infected I called my doctor and was advised to put heat compresses on it every hour until I could be seen by a professional. So for the next two days I put heat on it and gross green/yellow fluids started streaming down my leg....seriously it was abhorrent beyond description. I was advised to have it looked at by the ED that weekend, only I suddenly had symptoms pointing to the onset of true preterm labor. I was instead rushed to the Labor and Delivery where I was monitored and evaluated for the next few hours. Still not entirely sure what was going on, we were all relieved to see that whether in labor or not the baby was doing well and did not appear to be coming into this big world yet. So we were sent home with instructions to rest and drink plenty of fluids...and to go to the ED or Urgent care to have my leg looked at (which continued to look worse).  

Bright and early the following morning, with a coffee in hand and hope for relief I finally went into the ED to get my leg evaluated. What I didn't expect was the diagnoses that I had toxic poison eating my leg away in addition to a sweltering infection. Unbeknownst to me at the time, those heat compresses literally saved my leg by drawing out the poison that could have had dire effects on my body.  The doctors I've been seeing for the bite, are fairly convinced that it was either caused by a Brown Recluse, or Yellow Sac Spider...Seriously, what are the odds? 

I am now 27 weeks pregnant and physically struggling to function day to day. It has seemed at times that the world is totally against me, that there is some unseen force struggling to take me and my unborn baby down any way possible. At first everything was so overwhelming and it started to drain me more spiritually than it was physically. I felt like I was facing every kind of storm I could face at the same time, with no clear direction or hope, but today I feel more alive and at peace than I have in quiet a while. No matter what I face or what surprises us, God is showing me that when I come to Him for strength and courage, that nothing can separate me from His love and comfort. A spider that could have killed me was not too much for God to handle. He has been holding me and this baby through every storm and while I can't know what else I might face in the next coming weeks/months I do know that I have a God that is greater than anything waiting for me. 

I am exhausted and relying on family and friends to help me through the remainder of this pregnancy, but I am amazed by the grace of a God that heals, protects and speaks to little me. I am no one special. I am just an ordinary young mom and wife, but God can still use and speak to me, regardless of what I am going through!  

I am praising God that I am still carrying this baby for another day, I am surrounded by friends and family and a church that is pouring into me and helping my family through this season, I have been blessed with extraordinary relationships and ministry opportunities, a husband that is providing through God's grace, our 18 month old who fills our lives with insurmountable joy and love, and an opportunity to serve even though I'm mostly restricted to my bed. 

God may be stretching me, but He is drawing me near to Him too. He has shown me more grace and courage than I've ever experienced before.