I Will Follow - Words from the Husband

It’s funny how a simple statement can be the difference between death and life. I will follow. Three simple words. What do they mean to you? What do they mean to me? 

Every day is a choice. As a human being, we are constantly forced to make decisions. Decisions to get out of bed on time, what to eat, how to dress, what to say, blah blah blah. When it all boils down though, what’s really important? I think the decision to get up and live is up on the top of the list. But what else is up there? Is there anything else?

For me, my faith is, or should be, on the top of the list. I’m constantly struggling though. It’s so hard sometimes to remember that there is a God looking out for me. It’s funny when I think about it, and I say funny as in ironic. I’m so ready to be like “God is great” when everything is going well, but as soon as life gets difficult, I’m ready to be angry at Him. My whole problem I think is that I feel entitled, like how dare He put things in my life that actually challenge my faith in Him.

The simple truth is that I’m still a baby in Christ. My past life is getting in the way with my present life. It’s like I’m trying to dance with two left feet, while wrestling a bear, solving a calculus equation, repairing a rocket in outer space, and singing the alphabet backwards at the same time. I just can’t do it. That’s the plain and simple truth. When I bring God into everything I do, it’s like he acts like a manager of sorts. He lets in the tasks that He knows I can handle, but only if I trust and rely on Him to do so.

So back to the beginning. The simple statement of I will follow means so much more then it seems. It means that no matter what happens, I will follow Him and His plan that He has for me. I could be facing death, persecution, loss, and whatever else He may decide to try me with, but I know for certain that I will still follow Him. 

I don’t really know much of anything else that I feel like talking about. I know I wrote like what, five paragraphs? So maybe next time Leah decides to have me write about something, I can write more. I don’t know. Maybe it would help if I had questions to answer? Ask away!

The Jaffrey Family Simplifying and Minimizing Project- Update

Since starting our journey through simplifying and minimizing back in June we have struggled, failed, and sometimes found our hearts feeling more frustrated and helpless than before. Let me tell you-it hasn't been easy. (In case you hadn't yet gotten the drift from previous posts.)  

It's been about five months since setting out on this adventure together, now we are looking back at where we were at the start compared to where God has us now and we see nothing less than a dramatic transformation of our sentiments, passions and affections. Our shelves hold less now, but our hearts are heavily laden with the riches we have found along the way.  

We have fought our desires at every turn, sometimes loosing a battle, but ultimately we are winning this war and the spoils thus far are oh-so-beautiful. 

Simple Joy

We have found simple joy.

In giving up little by little, more by more, we are discovering a freedom and contentment neither of us have ever known. The temptations and mindsets we fought and struggles so hard against are becoming less and less. Our goal in beginning this journey was to purge all of the "stuff" in our lives and hearts that were pulling our focus away from living for Christ. What we didn't expect to find along the way was the freedom and contentment we have with what little we have and need. 

It almost felt like overnight we realized that we don't care about having stuff. The approach of Christmas may have something to do with the sudden realization of our total lack of thought and desire for the pursuit of 'things'. We are no longer slaves to the materialism of this world. Through Christ we have found a greater joy; a meaningful, fulfilling pursuit. 

There are empty shelves now, and we continue to empty drawers and simplify our daily life, but it is no longer done with reluctance or drudgery. When we are able to put away one more thing or tackle one more area in our lives together, we are saying 'no' to empty pursuits and 'yes' to the things that really matter. 

We have come so much further than we realized, and yet we still have so far to go. Through the frustrations, struggles and battles, a deep simple joy waits that we have already tasted-so we will continue to seek God relentlessly in all we do. 

*********************************

OH, THE BEAUTY OF SIMPLE JOY - THE RICHES OF LESS

With An Earnest Love,

                        Leah

Update:

I forgot to share this link to an awesome website that have been a great encouragement through this process: http://www.becomingminimalist.com/  Also be sure to follow becoming a minimalist facebook page for great tips and encouragement through the week. It has been such a blessing to me. 

Beauty in Pain

Tears filled my eyes; I could feel the hot, heart wrenching, sobs pulse through my body with every heart beat. My white, aching, cold hands clutched my closed worn bible while shaking and trembling in spasms. My breathing was a wheezy, shallow, hollow sound, as if the pain and panic griped my throat, threatening to steal my voice. My chest heaved within me and tightened with every cry that escaped my dry cracked lips. Darkness swallowed me, emptiness captured my hope, and sent me spiraling into the depths of despair. 

I was broken.

If a soul could bleed I would have filled a river, my spirit felt like it was utterly dying within me without hope of healing. 

My sobs prevented me from speaking and my tongue refused to move, so in my head I cried to the Lord. I screamed as loud as I could-the very depths of my soul rang with the echoes of my cries. 

"Lord, Lord? Where are You? Do You hear my cry? Can You hear me in this night? I weep and I seek You. Lord, do not let me fall to the wayside. Draw me to You. Hold my broken heart. Tenderly touch me, for I need Your mercy to meet me tonight. I cannot walk this road alone. I feel so alone. I feel so weak. I am utterly destroyed. Lord, Lord, are You here? Please hear me now. Be my rescue." 

   ***********************

There are so many moments in my walk with the Lord when I have come to a place of brokenness; where things truly feel hopeless and impossible. Darkness meets me with open arms welcoming me into caverns of spiritual despair. It is in moments like this when I see and discover God in the most  living, intimate and real way. It is when my 'religion' becomes a living relationship.  

Crying and desperate, in the dark of the night when all is silent, the world stands still, and the pain of my broken heart shatters cages that hold the murky shadows releasing the monsters who rise among me to haunt my desolate soul-in that moment; as defeated as I am, I realize how desperately I need God. I realize there is no more strength in me; only God can rescue my contrite spirit (psalm 34:19). 

Quietly, softly, my aching turns to peace, my weeping to joy, and the presence of God illuminates with words of truth, every darkened, hopeless nook and cranny of my heart. My fears, my desolation is snatched away; a strength and hope greater than my adrenaline could supply calms the storm in my heart and lifts me up on wings of love, carrying me over the crashing waves, embracing me in billows of tender mercies, restoring my joy, filling me with songs and praises. My broken pieces are gathered in His hands as he molds with new clay and begins forming me anew.      

He whispers in my ear, "Be still my child, I am here. Come rest in My arms and let Me refresh your soul. I will give you strength in your weakness. Be still."  

Through my brokenness, through my pain, the Lord draws me to Himself. Every time I come to a place when I can't go on, when I am broken and in need of real living strength apart from myself, God meets me where I am and restores my soul. He turns my weeping to laughter, and my misery to joy. There is so much beauty in my pain - from the depths of my brokenness God reveals Himself to me in small pieces.   

 The psalms of David are such a beautiful depiction of how God meets us where are. Especially in the hour of broken and painful reflections.  

"I sought the Lord, and He heard me, 

And delivered me from all my fears."

...

"The angel of the Lord encamps around all those who fear Him, 

And delivers them."

...

The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears, 

And delivers them out of all their troubles. 

The Lord, is near to those who have a broken heart 

And saves such as have a contrite spirit. 

Many are the afflictions of the righteous,

But the Lord delivers him out of them all.

...

The Lord redeems the soul of His servants, 

And none of those who trust in Him shall be condemned. "

Psalm 34: 4, 7, 17, 18, 19, 22

*****

"I waited patiently for the Lord,

And He inclinded to me, 

And heard my cry.

He also brought me up out of a horrible pit,

Out of the miry clay, 

And set my feet upon a rock,

And established my steps.

He has put a new song in my mouth-

Praises to our God;

Many will see it and fear,

And will trust in the Lord."

Psalm 40:1-3

*****

(My favorite)

"As the deer pants for the water brooks,

So pants my soul for You, O God.

My soul thirsts for God, for the living God

When shall I come and appear before God?

My tears have been my food day and night,

While they continually say to me,

“Where is your God?”

When I remember these things,

I pour out my soul within me.

For I used to go with the multitude;

I went with them to the house of God,

With the voice of joy and praise,

With a multitude that kept a pilgrim feast. 

Why are you cast down, O my soul?

And why are you disquieted within me?

Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him

For the help of His countenance.

O my God, my soul is cast down within me;

Therefore I will remember You from the land of the Jordan,

And from the heights of Hermon,

From the Hill Mizar.

 

Deep calls unto deep at the noise of Your waterfalls;

All Your waves and billows have gone over me.

 

The Lord will command His lovingkindness in the daytime,

And in the night His song shall be with me—

A prayer to the God of my life.

I will say to God my Rock,

“Why have You forgotten me?

Why do I go mourning because of the oppression of the enemy?”

As with a breaking of my bones.

My enemies reproach me,

While they say to me all day long,

“Where is your God?”

Why are you cast down, O my soul?

And why are you disquieted within me?

Hope in God;

For I shall yet praise Him,

The help of my countenance and my God. "

Psalm 42

David gives me such a beautiful picture of how God works in our hearts in the midst of our brokenness.  Through God our brokenness becomes beauty. Our 'religion' becomes a living relationship. 

With Love,

Leah

20 Toy ideas for Families Striving for Simplicity and Less

As we continue this process of simplifying and minimizing, with christmas and our Pumpalumpkin's first birthday approaching we've begun thinking more about how this life style we are pursuing will effect our children in play and hopefully the way they think about things.

There is such a huge part of us that want to simply pour out blessings on our daughter. The world would try to tell us that to truly bless her, toys would rain down from heaven, mounding, providing hours of entertainment and fun. But we know and are learning more everyday the importance and joy of owning less, wanting for less, and finding beauty in simple things. We want our daughter and future children to grow up wanting the important things in life, working hard for what they have, seeking happiness and joy in all the beautiful things God has given them.

We don't want to cultivate attitudes of entitlement; giving into this idea that bigger and better things are waiting around the corner, all of these flashy toys come and go as the flowers of the fields. We don't want them growing up believe that having more will make them happy. I watch kids today looking through magazines, watching TV commercials and seeing all of the adds for the newest toys, and see a growing attitude of discontentment and a constant need for more. Nothing seems to satisfy. Ultimately kids grow up with toys upon toys, feeling empty and bored.

Don't get me wrong, we are not saying that toys are bad. On the contrary we believe that toys can play a vital role in a child's life developing, teaching and inspiring great creativity. I only have a problem with quantity and the worlds idolization of 'things' that instill seeds of materialism in our youth.

 So that being said, what are we going to do about it; how are we going to attempt to teach our children to have a healthy appetite for play, finding joy in less, and freedom in the simplicity of what they own? How can we possibly go about teaching contentment in a world that screams for bigger, better, newer, and more?

As we have explored our options and the possibilities for our kids here is a simple list of toys we have come up with that we hope will cultivate the imagination, creativity, and life skills they need.         (This list is geared to kids ages 18 months- 8 years old)

1. Building blocks

2. A handful of wooden or plastic animals/ figurines 

3. One or two baby dolls with two outfits, bottle, and 2 diapers

4.  Two or three stuffed animals

5. Wooden Puzzle boards 

6. Baby carriage or sling

7. Two sorting and stacking games

8. A handful of cars 

9. A train and small track set

10. Playing silks

 11. A few dress up items

12. A few imaginative play things

13. A small genderless doll house with a couple dolls and a few furniture items

14. Bike

15. Craft and Art stuff

16. Drum and one other instrument (triangle, shaker, guitar, recorder, whistle, ect.)

17. Wooden play kitchen with a few play foods, pots and dinnerware 

18. Books

19. One toy of choice (something they really want- have them work for it)

20. Outings to Museums, Zoos, Aquariums, field trips, ect.

Our goal personally, is to stay away from all the flashy, light up, decked out toys and try to give our kids toys that will last and not grow into heaps and piles. Honestly at this point our 11 month old daughter prefers her simple toys to her light up, buttons-a-plenty things. She finds more joy and delight pulling clothes out of a drawer and banging on pots and pans than in any of the other play things we have for her. As she grows and we learn I am sure we will revise this list little by little, but for where we are now we are excited about these ideas as a starting place and a guide.  

Do you have any ideas for toys that you would want to encourage your kids to play with?

A Blessing- Nothing More To Say

Dear Readers,

 In truth I had a whole elaborate post planned and prepared. While changing our little Pumpalumpkin's diaper, I indulged in a passionate narration of my pre meditated thoughts throughout these past few days. It was quiet a captivating speech I assume by the distant little grey eyes listening so intently adding the occasional "mmm"' and "daddaddada" to the symphony of my dramatically exaggerated vowels accompanied by the theatric expressions which come so easily to a Mother trying to entertain to keep the tears away for a moment more. In hindsight, perhaps it was only the melodramatic performance that kept her engaged for the moment and not what I had to share. In either case we shall never know, for as I nestled in the great cushions of the parlor grey love seat, cradling the smallest, the most beautiful love I've ever had to hold- the quiet stillness of the evening sunk into my heart, sinking into every nook and cranny; warming my very soul. Peace over came me in waves quenching every thought I had retained. 

     In a moment all I had to say rushed out of my head as quickly as it h
ad come leaving me motionless and staring helplessly in-love at the little face snuggled up against my breast dreaming and smiling sweetly to herself. All of my plans and speeches disappeared leaving me with just four words:

So this is Love. 

    As I carried her to her crib and gently laid her down, as I held her hand for a moment more and kissed her little forehead, I knew there was nothing in the world that could change this love. When I closed the door quietly, and listened for a moment, I heard the soft waves crashing in the distance as her noise maker recreated the ocean sounds, and the silence that reassured me she was peacefully resting. 

   So here I sit. Quietly. Waiting ever so patiently for my thoughts to clear. But I can't get her little eyes out my head. I can't stoping thinking about her little smile, with her singular top tooth glinting pearly white as her dimpled cheeks beg for kisses and mess of curls on top of her head bounce from side to side. She is our own special miracle; an amazing blessing from God.  

Some days can be really hard- being a mom.

Sometimes I have a hard time remembering how precious every moment I have with my daughter is.

Some mornings I'm so tired I don't know how I am going to be able to get out of bed.

Some nights when she just can't stay asleep, I want to curl up and simply cry.

Being a mom is one of the hardest things I've ever done. But it is moments like right now; when I can bask in the bliss of joy being the mom of the most beautiful blessing I've ever received- that makes every difficult moment worthwhile above and far beyond anything I could give or endure for her sake.

The truth is: tonight I am tired, I might have the worlds worst headache, and have nothing truly notable to say-but I am also overwhelmed with love, thanksgiving and irrepressible joy for the blessing sleeping on the opposite side of wall growing big and strong.

Don't forget that our children grow and will eventually leave our homes. Hold them close tonight, kiss them once again, and tell them how much you care for them while you can.

Love Always,
Leah

Where Do We Go From Here

   

 I've had a dream - a vision of where I wanted see my life go and how I wanted to live it out. I had plans. I thought I had it all figured out. Until...God showed me that His plan for my life was going to be different than the concept I had created and drafted in my head...and heart.

When Alex and I were planning our life together, preparing to be married and looking for direction, we would spend hours fantasizing about the kids we would have, the home we would live in, the job, the church, our ministries, and everything and anything else you could think of. We had it all planned out and we were prepared for a life time pursuit of our dreams.

Then things started spinning out of control...before the wedding even had a chance.

God made it crystal clear from the start- Our life together was not going to be about us.

Very early on (and continually since then) I've been reminded that my life pursuit could not be about what I wanted or what dreams I had bent my heart on. If I was going to walk through this life as a disciple of Christ, He needed to have every part of my life...including my dreams and where I wanted to go. The honest truth was that my vision for my life was not centered on God- I was wrapped up in the philosophy that my life pursuit should be a passionate battle for the things I wanted.

*******

So the question we've had to ask ourselves now is... where do we go from here? 

We are married, have a baby and are working hard together to provide for our needs (and sometime wants). But we still have our whole lives in front of us...and no idea where God is leading us or where we will end up. Over the last few years of trying to pursue venture after venture, we still feel no closer to where we wanted to be.

Where, Lord do You want us to go? What do You want us to do?

It is so hard to not get caught up in the things we see for our life. Especially when those things aren't bad things. But when things don't work out - despite how hard we try, it becomes discouraging and discontentment and hopelessness sneaks in like a ninja seeking to destroy.

No matter where we go or what we do, as long as we are looking to serve God and honor Him with our actions and decisions we can't fail. I mean we will fail many time, over and over and over again, but God will lead and help us find the way- especially if our hearts are in the right place.  It doesn't matter what the world thinks of the way we live our life if we are giving it all to God. That is all He asks from us.

When we were growing up and starting out on our own we were so obsessed with finding the perfect school, perfect job and life plan. That is what the whole world was telling us we needed to do. People judged us based on what we chose to pursue. What we didn't fully realize then was that our careers and life styles didn't have to define us. Sure, people are always going to have an opinion about what we should do and where we should go, but before God- if we are giving it all to Him and let Him lead our foot steps-it doesn't matter. 

When we leave it in God's hands- careers and pursuits don't define us- We are set apart as His servants- Devoted to His works -Not to the work men

Suddenly it isn't up to us to pull it all together and make all the ends meet. We go where He leads us, work hard in the jobs He has given us, and live with the help of the Holy Spirit as purely and devotedly as we can. It's isn't about us- It's all about Him.

So what can we pursue with this mindset? 


Alex and I have thought and prayed long and hard about this. Since everything we try to pursue seems to fall through, how do we and what are we supposed to go after? Obviously we will always try to pursue God in all things (we are human after all), first and foremost. But there is still a part of us that know that we have to make decisions and goals for our family as we grow and mature.

There have been three main things on our hearts as a couple since we've been married that we honestly believe God has instilled in us.

1. A Heart For The Orphans
2. A Heart For Encouraging Others In Their Walk With The Lord
3.  Having Our Home As A Safe Place Where People Can Be Refreshed And Stay

No matter where we go or what we do in our life we just what to serve God in every way we possibly can. But these three things have always been deeply set in our hearts. We have always wanted to adopt/foster. We believe that the word of God teaches that as believers and disciples of Christ it is our responsibility to take care of the orphans. Since we know that we won't be able to have any children of our own any way, we whole heartedly believe that God is making room in our home and hearts for children who need a family to love and teach them. We feel confident that unless God closes the doors for either adoption or foster care, it is His heart for us to devotedly pursue and trust that He will provide the finances and whatever we need to adopt.

Likewise, when it comes to our passion to encourage and nurture people in their walk with the Lord, this is something that we are taught to desire through the word of God- in addition to being a family who brings people together and opens our home to the world. All of these three things are not against God, so as we walk, we want to diligently seek all these. If God closes the doors then that is fine, because ultimately we are here to Glorify Him in whatever we do...not just through what we want to do. If cleaning toilets and living as simply as we are able and seeking God first in everything is all we accomplish in our lives, I believe we believe that God can use that. We are not failures.


We don't have life all figured out. We don't have even a little clue as to where we are going to go or the things we are going to do through Christ. But we don't have to know. We just have to pray, seek, respond and live contently; with passion, devotion and a joyful attitude - wherever we are.

Today it is in my parents home, working hard, barely making ends meet, discovering Christ more intimately everyday. This is where we are now, and we can serve God today through the simple things, praying that God will give us opportunities to serve Him. We don't have to wait for tomorrow... for tomorrow, who knows where God will take us. 

With an Earnest Love,
Leah

The Jaffrey Family Simplifying and Minimizing Project Part 4 - My Kitchen

We have spend the last few months praying and studying scripture, seeking and imploring God to show us how He wants us to live our lives for Him. One thing He has clearly shown us through our journey has been the lack of focus and passion we have for Him and how we fail to prioritize our daily walk with Him. The fact is that especially in America, we have grown accustomed to a cluttered self obsessed, cultured in the art of pursing bigger and better, materialistic fantasies, more, more, more, and best of the best mindsets. We have our iphones, ipads, video games, movies, cuisine, sports, big houses, striving for the perfect career, perfect home, and perfect family- and overtime, they consume our time, money and heart. 

The question has become: How can we pursue God passionately, restlessly, and obsessively with all this other stuff in our lives and hearts distracting us and pulling our hearts away from Christ. 

So began our project and passionate pursuit of Christ   

(Note: We have had many hiccups, and momentary detours along the way)

  

Read more here: Simplifying-When Less is More

Throughout our journey one of the areas we have felt pulled to work on is where our heart is in the kitchen. 

Food. Yes, we are talking food. Instantly the vultures theme song in Ice Age comes to mind like a comforting lullaby, "Food, glorious food! My favorite diet!"

I hope it is clear- I love food, my husband loves food and pumpalumpkin (baby J.) loves food.

Where does food come into our relationship and purist of Christ? Yes, I've asked this multiple times. The answer is simple. Food was created to provided and sustain our bodies. We receive nutrition, energy, vitamins, and everything we need to function day to day. But food can also effect your body (and budget) negatively.

        Example A. Too much can make you sick or to gain an unhealthy amount of weight (and it costs more)

   Example B. Some food isn't beneficial to your body. Aka. Preservatives, artificial flavors and colors, WAY TOO MUCH SUGAR, and lots of junk that our bodies have a hard time processing. (Even though most of it is super delicious)

    Example C. When we really, really, really, love food it can consume our thoughts, budget, and time

Our goal has become simply:

            Eating wholesome foods, without preservatives, all natural, no high fructose corn syrup, artificial sweeteners, or fillers and limited sugars. Our agenda is to get as natural and simple with our eating without sacrificing creativity and flavor, making as much as we can by scratch while limiting our portion sizes and eating more frequently. We need to learn to eat inexpensively and simple whole foods. 

  

While trying to figure out what real changes we are going to make to the way we work and think about our food, I've come up with a list of pantry essentials that we believe will work for us, and we are working on a "clean eating menu".  Since then, we have also cut out all (okay most... at least some) of the foods in our diets that contain a lot of preservatives, and artificial flavors and sweeteners. (We are a work in progress) We have seen a huge difference in the way we feel after we eat now! A few times we did give in and eat foods we really should have avoided, and we got so sick afterwards. Living proof that we way we eat absolutely effects the way we feel!

Another change we have made has been where we go out to eat, how often we go out to eat and why. Coffee is a huge problem for me. I love my lattes and I spend way too much money at our local Wegmans coffee shop. I LOVE YOU WEGMANS COFFEE LADIES! 

But we are working on it. Once a week. I'm cutting it down. I have a long way to go yet. 

I've love to hear your comments and thoughts! I'll share my pantry essentials list in my next post. So keep your eyes peeled. 

Love,

Leah

  

How Marriage Hasn't Met My Expecations

I've spent several days trying to write this post. I still don't feel like I've fully expressed what is going through my head right now, but then again I don't think there is anyway to fully express what is on my heart in this case. 





I don't know about you guys, but since I've been married and now as mamma, I have had my share of

'What in the world is going on?' moments.

Surprise, surprise...I don't have this wife and mothering thing quiet figured out.

Oh, and by the way it is probably one of the two hardest jobs in life...ever...ever...ever...

I've only be a wife for...two?...Two and something months... I can't even count any more. (Anyone else have problems with memory after motherhood?) It has become pretty obvious to me that I have so much to learn about my husband still... not even exaggerating.

We have been together since I was fourteen. (not married-please don't have a heart attack) We were best friends, and I'm pretty comfortable saying that I'm pretty sure we thought we knew each other better than we knew ourselves. We told each other everything, prayed together, and pretended to know each others thoughts before we even spoke them. We were two peas in a pod, went together like peanut butter and jelly, and donuts and coffee. We were the very best dynamic duo ever!...well maybe not ever...but we are probably in the top ten at the very least.


Since I've been married, I've learned...well his peanut butter can be a little nutty, his donut a little
sweet, and sometimes that pea pod is a little cramped.... It's kind of like our first night together....

We honest to goodness thought that once you were married that you had to sleep completely wrapped in each others arms, as much body touching as much body as humanly possible. After not sleeping a wink, we realized that picture was a little messed up. We learned very quickly that the image we had of our bedtime routine was not going to be like the movies. So now that we can actually sleep next to each other contently without being all up in each others space, we are sleeping and enjoying our cuddle times more and more.

Just like realizing that real people don't sleep all completely entangled in each others arms night after night, I'm also realizing again and again that marriage is not like the movies, or the books. It is harder, more frustrating but also more beautiful and rewarding than any little movie or story could possibly portray.

My point simply put: Marriage is not what I expected. It's harder and far more wonderful than I could have ever imagined.


I love my husband dearly, and more deeply than I ever thought possible, but that doesn't mean that loving him always comes easy. It isn't a honeymoon romance that lifts us up and carries us through the sky like the Magic Carpet from Disney's Aladdin. Let me face the stone stalk truth- Love is a choice. Daily, moment by moment, choosing to lay myself down for him.

Yeah, yeah we all heard that growing up. But the reality of literally choosing day after day to put the needs, wants and desires of someone else first; sacrificing yourself entirely for him or her, is much harder than it seems.

When we first got married, I was pretty sure there were very few things my husband could do wrong. Sure he was human but I thought his quirks and shortcomings were kind of adorable. It made him unique and it made him who he was. I loved him in spite of his weaknesses and failures- I think it made me feel needed too (which I loved). I knew in my head that we didn't have it all figured out as a couple, but even still the reality of what that would look day to day or what we would have to face together didn't quiet sink in.

Low and behold, here comes the reality of marriage and what I didn't expect-

       1. I will have days when I will be irritated with my husband- Sometimes for no good reason.

       2. Sometimes we need space from each other. Dare I even say that there have been times when we just needed a moment to ourselves?

        3. There will be times when my husband hurts me and when I hurt my husband.

        4. I don't always know what my husband is thinking, or what he needs. I will always be learning and discovering things about him. It going to take a lifetime pursuit of his heart, earnestly seeking to know him selflessly and with a purity only found through Christ to even begin to shed light on shadows in the caverns of his heart.

 The last and most unexpected presumptions of what our marriage would be like is how deep and patiently our love has grown. I'm finding that as the honeymoon phase has worn away and our blindfolds have been lifted to show us the reality of daily life together, suddenly the passion and romance no longer drives us through our days untied. Instead a slow, earnest, patient, love that bears with forgiveness and understanding pulses through our hearts binding us deeper, closer and more intimately then we ever could have anticipated. In spite of all of our faults and the many ways we fail each other daily, we pursue each other devotedly faithful to knowing each other as fully and completely as we possibly can until our days are done.

This is has not met my expectations, it has abundantly exceeded my wildest dreams. 

I can't wait to see where God leads us together from here

Love,
Leah


     

An Old Favorite Recipe

  Here is an old blog post I found with one of my favorite recipes! This sounds so good right now! :) Enjoy! 

    Cooking on a budget while continuing to send those taste buds into a flavor coma starts with the basics and ends with creative combinations! Since moving into our new home, we have been able to do our own grocery shopping and cooking again. Part of my most recent conviction is to cook healthy, well balanced meals while staying within a strict budget. Unfortunately in todays economy, eating healthy clean foods is not a budget conscious endeavor. You can buy a big package of Ramon noodles for the price of an orange. It has been an interesting year of learning what kinds of staples are wise and healthy options and understanding how to make several meals from a few staples. 

                I love expressing myself creatively in any way that I can. Over the last few years I began experimenting with cooking; creating original dishes that burst with flavor, leading to a symphony of harmonious savor. The most recent concoction my husband and I attempted was a pasta dish marinated in an alfredo based sauce, with shrimp, fresh garlic, spinach, artichokes and *cherry tomatoes. I loved the simplicity of this dish while yet being pleasantly surprised by the rich bursting flavor that met our taste buds with genuine enthusiasm. 

 We have discovered that pasta is a fabulous and inexpensive staple that is very filling in small portions, so it can go a long way. We love spinach and artichoke dip (the inspiration for this entree), therefore because spinach has so many great vitamins I've been trying to find ways to incorporate it in our meals. A cheese based sauce with spinach and artichokes and fresh garlic was a great inexpensive way to add a little zest to our meal. I really wanted to experiment with different meats outside of our typical chicken breasts and ground beef meals. So I decided to try shrimp. I was really surprised to discover how inexpensive a bag of cooked frozen shrimp ended up being. We didn't even use half of the 1lb. bag I bought for this meal. 

Over all I am learning that there are very simple inexpensive ways to dress up a meal and add a little excitement to our pallets. I want to be excited to cook while still learning how to plan our menus wisely and effectively. What are some of your favorite family dishes that have been easy and inexpensive? What are your families favorite staples?

Spinach and Artichoke Alfredo Fettuccine

1/2 lb. whole wheat fettuccine pasta   

1/3 a small bag of frozen spinach

1/2 16oz. can of artichoke hearts chopped

1 to 2 cloves of garlic minced

1/2 lb. frozen cooked shrimp

16 oz. jar of alfredo sauce or homemade sauce if you prefer

*we weren't fond of the cherry tomatoes, however if you like tomatoes we cut them up in quarters and let them sweat in a hot skillet after sautéing the vegetables and shrimp. 

Boil water with olive oil and a pinch of salt for pasta. Meanwhile prepare garlic and artichokes and sauté in olive oil with frozen spinach. Cook pasta when water is boiling. Add the shrimp and let warm through completely. Add the alfredo sauce to veggies and meat and let simmer for 10 to 15 min. Pour over cooked pasta.

We served it with fresh herbed bread and olive oil and parmesan cheese to dip. 

Enjoy! Share it with your family and friends! 

Love,

Leah

A Word From the Husband- Fatherhood

I was planning on using some fancy quote here that could sum up the meaning of Fatherhood. Honestly though, I doubt there is such a quote that could really accomplish that accurately. I will, however, do my best to describe to you how I feel being a father. 

When I first held Charlie in my arms, I thought to myself, “There’s no way this little thing is mine.” I couldn’t stop smiling. This little bundle of joy was finally in this world, breathing the air I’m breathing, hearing the sounds I’m hearing. I knew as soon as I saw her, that I would do anything to protect her from the harms of this world. I swore to myself, sealed by the tears that fell from my eyes (I will never admit to that if you ask me) that I will love and cherish her like God loves and cherishes his people.

I’m sure Leah can tell this more accurately, but when we brought her home, I really thought I was going to be able to play with this little thing like I played with all my other siblings. I was ready to have imaginary tea parties with her, and slay imaginary dragons, her being the princess of course. But that’s kind of hard to do with a newborn sack of potatoes. That thought hit me when I realized that all she’s going to do for the next forever is eat, sleep, poop, and cry in that order.

So here I am, not quite knowing what to do with this thing, next to an amazing woman who seems to know everything there is to know about being a parent. I was at a loss. All I could do was hold her when she cried; just feeling frustration because I didn’t know why she was crying and all I wanted to do was fix whatever was causing her to cry. Already I was feeling incompetent as a father. I look back now and realize just how ridiculous that was, but I guess its part of growing and learning.

A good friend of ours told us once that he read something somewhere, probably Reddit knowing him, that every time a baby cries, it’s probably because whatever they just experienced was for the first time. With that experience being the first time, it was probably the most terrifying thing they’ve ever known, being the first time and all. Totally makes sense though if you think about it. Everything that we experience as adults for the first time can be terrifying, granted we don’t scream and cry (well most of us don’t).

So with that explained to me, and my wife being patient and understanding, I feel I’m finally at a place where I can handle her crying without feeling like I need to fix something. You all probably think I’m stupid, getting so worked up by my baby’s crying, but unless you have a child of your own, you’ve got not a clue. 

Now we’re at about ten months, and every day is a new adventure with her. She loves to play with all her toys now, like she actually has an opinion on things. I feel like my place as a father is becoming more defined. I feel like I have a purpose, to help instruct and guide my family as I’m commanded. The more I watch her, the more I’m sure that being a father is probably the coolest thing. Way cooler then jumping out of helicopters, or shooting bazookas, or sword fighting ninjas, and most especially having a beard. 

These times are definitely challenging with her, and I pray that God can give me the patience and the strength that I need to be the best father that I can be. I realize that nothing I can write can really describe how I’m feeling, and everything I did write did no justice to the title of Father. So I’ll just stop trying to describe, knowing that I successfully took at least five minutes of your life that you will never get back. Mission accomplished. 

Simplifying & Minimizing Project- $aving My Wardrobe

Hi Everyone,

         So as we have been taking this journey through simplifying our thoughts and lifestyle to ultimately draw us closer in our walk with the Lord and as a family, we have been working through different ways we can be more financially aware and smart. Our goal is to spend as little as possible on things we don't need, that don't help our relationship with God, our family, or the body of Christ and that doesn't give to those in need. We want the way we spend our money to reflect the idea that while we work and earn, this money is the Lords- How can we best use this to take care of our needs and the needs of the body of Christ. You can read more about our thoughts here: Simplifying and Minimizing Part 2

       I've recently picked up the book Gods At War- Kyle Idleman. This is a wonderful book that has really helped me put together pieces of what our goal has actually been. His book is about defeating the idols that battle for our hearts. There are so many areas in our lives that we have created false gods taking away from our devotion and worship to the true God. As I read Kyle's book it hit me that while we are saying we are trying to minimize and simplify our lives, we are really trying to dethrone the idols sitting on our heart and in our lives. We are trying to make more of us for God and less room for other idols to sneak in steal away what is rightfully Gods. The truth is; idols are everywhere, hidden and masqueraded in the everyday patterns of thought and lifestyle deceptively embezzling more and more of our hearts away under our very noses.

     On that thought, an area I have realized that I struggle with has been my wardrobe. Simply put- I love clothes. I love feeling put together and lovely. I enjoy looking and shopping and putting things on my wish list*. I like it so much that sometimes I'll catch myself longing for things I don't need and spend countless hours looking through catalogs (websites), and window shopping.

Two words:
       
   1. Coveting
           &
   2. Idolizing

  So obviously something needed to change.

*(Which is really my list of things I would love to have someday, but I know will never and should never become a reality)

     
       So after browsing through Pinterest one day I came across a list someone had put together of clothing essentials and how they put together a full wardrobe with a minimalist approach.

....Yup, genius.

     I realized that if I had a list of the kind of clothes I owned and limited myself to how many, what kinds, and made some rules to shopping it would force me to starting thinking of clothes more like a need versus a luxury. That doesn't mean it is wrong to look nice or put together, just that I needed to change my relationship towards my wardrobe.

 I say that because I had a mini melt down when I thought that by minimizing my closet and what I spent on clothes I would never have anything I liked. But thanks to my husband, he helped me see that I can still get clothes I like within a parameter and a specified budget.


   So I put together my list. It was a simple list that had essentials that would get me through all four seasons comfortably. I came up with a few rules or I should say guidelines to help me have a functioning wardrobe.

1. I am not to buy anything full price unless I couldn't find it discounted or used first.
2. All shirts have to match or go with at least 3 bottoms
3. All pants have to match or go with at least 4 shirts
4. Dresses and Skirts have to be modest in length
5. I am not to something that is not on my list just because it is on sale
6. I have to stay within the budget decided on
7. I can only replace things if they tear, stain, or if they no longer fit

     For this past summer as I've been loosing my baby fat and kind of in-between sizes, this worked well, and I choose not to buy much because I knew I was loosing weight and would need the next size down soon. So I got just enough to get me through the summer, but as fall has caught up with us and I've lost much more weight it became painfully clear that I NEEDED clothes. Between my previous four year old wardrobe and my new distribution of weight, I really didn't have many clothes anymore. So out came my list and my project began: $aving My Wardrobe 

      I created a list of exactly what and how many items I would need, from bras to boots. When I say I needed a whole new wardrobe, I mean pretty close to literally. After I looked over my list and realized how little I actually had in my closet that fit and wasn't stained or hole filled, my stomach did major flip flops-there was no way I could get everything I needed for a low enough cost.

   I decided to go online at Old Navy and Amazon to get the lowest prices I could find on all of the items. I literally almost threw up when I added the total: $750.00. I think I rechecked and re-totaled a good five or six times hoping the number would go down. There was no way I could rationalize spending money like that on clothes.

   Here was the hard part: Where could I go to get what I needed while saving as much as I could?

The Answer:

       Salvation Army
 
   So on Wednesday afternoon (half off all but green tags day), with my list and a prayer I set out. Three hours later, I walked away with 24 of the 30 items on my list for a grand total of $40. Most were name brand, quality clothing- all fit in my list, worked with my rules, and I loved. The remaining items I knew I would have to spend a little more on but at least the bulk of it was taken care of. Bras, shoes (only because I have absurdly tiny feet and I never find my size anywhere), under cami's and socks where some things I was already prepared to buy at a little higher cost than the $.50 I was spending on some of my shirts. In the end, after a lot of research and looking for great deals I got everything I needed for a fairly complete wardrobe for less than half the estimated cost. My total came into just over $250.00, which my babysitting money covered entirely.

My husband was very happy. :)

I even found a pair of Toms winter shoes at discount! Which is a huge deal, because Toms are one of the only brands of shoes that fit me and don't hurt my feet! I ended up going to Salvation Army, Good Will (where I really didn't find much this time, though normally I have good luck there), Forever 21(Cami's for $1.90 a piece, and a Navy Cardigan for $8.80), Zulily, and Ebay.
 
In the end, I have what I need, I like what I have, and I don't have any guilt over the amount I had to spend on it. Maintaining my wardrobe from here on out won't be an issue as long as I stick to my guidelines and don't allow my love of clothes to grow into an unhealthy relationship again.

               Project = SUCESS

So there is my story, if you want to see my list just let me know and I'll be happy to share it with you.

Love,
Leah

Fevers, Tennessee, and Lot's and Lot's of Prayer

                   
                  It's been a while, I know. I'm really terrible about writing in the midst of stress and pandemonium. It's like "Hey, I'm going to write." So I set up my lap top after the baby goes down, determined to relive the nervous apprehension eating away at my sanity. With coffee in hand I finally sit down with a purpose and a pre composed  draft I'd just passionately and eloquently rehearsed verbally while bouncing the baby on my hip and wrapping up a soiled diaper. 'It is perfect,' I think to myself. It'll be a synch, just like a stitch in the quilt- quick, simple, with intent to hold me together just a little longer.

             But I always find when I actually sit down and put hand to key board, all of the passion fades away like the sun in the horizon on a cloudy day. ( I don't even know if that made sense, but I think you get my point.)  Long story short, I end up staring at a white screen for a good hour or so, typing and undoing the same sentence over and over. I'm at a loss for words. Point comes to blank- I don't know how to write about what I'm going through or dealing with right now because I can't fully comprehend it myself. The honest truth is that I'm just trying to get through each day on a prayer and I'm attempting to leave the rest in God's hands. I'm learning that sometimes there aren't answers to questions of uncertainty- Sometime I just have to wait and see what God's going to do and accept when His plans don't meet mine.


             So... If you haven't caught the drift yet- Life is hard sometime. The hardest part about it, for me in particular, is not knowing what I'm up against or what to expect. I don't have the words all perfectly pre-constructed to give you a clear concise picture of where we are, so I'm just going to try my best and let you in on what's been going on. :) So please bear graciously with my through this.   There have been three main things in the last few weeks that have filled our days with unknown mysteries.

                   1. We might be moving to Tennessee.  

       .... Yes Tennessee. (I almost forgot Tennessee was a USA state before my parents mentioned it) With my whole family. Long story short, my seizures aren't getting better so I have to stay near to my family so I can get the help I need with Charlotte and getting around. Longer story short, my family (and Alex and I) would greatly benefit moving to the Gatlinburg area of Tennessee due to: lower expense, more and better job opportunities, different social environment, GREAT hospitals, and lots of other reasons. The only hiccup in this ongoing invention is that we have to sell our house first.  The great part of this plan is that God is in control. Sooo....If He wants us to move our house will sell, and if He wants us to stay here...then I guess our house won't sell and we will stay here.

        Alex, I and my parents did take a trip down a couple weeks ago to check out the area, and we pretty much fell in love. I really can't explain it better. It's one of those, "You have to see it, to understand it." kind of things. For Alex I know it reminded him of his home in Colorado where he grew up. There were many warm fuzzy feelings experienced in those few days. I think...nope, I know we really hope that God is leading us out there, but I also know that I can trust God no matter what happens in the next few months. For who knows the plans of the Lord? I just don't like this whole, who knows whats going to happen thing.

       
         2. Charlotte has been really sick off and on, and we don't know what it is.

        It breaks my heart in a million, and then some, pieces. There is nothing like seeing your child hurting and sick and not being able to do anything to help it, or to know what is causing it. She has been struggling with low grade-very high fevers since she was 2 months old. She on a good week she'll only have maybe four low grade fevers, and be slightly fussy- however, on bad weeks she can have low to mid grade fevers (sometimes really high fevers) for days non-stop and be utterly miserable and uncomfortable and the doctors can't figure out why. They have ruled out: teething, colic, acid reflux, several kinds of cancer, infections, viral illnesses, septic hips, ect.. In doing blood work (which is a grueling procedure that has lasted to the upwards of three or so hours to get enough of a sample to test) we have found that her white blood cell count is low. The last time we took her blood, her count had gone up slightly but not enough that it was back where it should be. The other strange symptom has been a phantom pain in her left side/leg, always followed by a fever of 100.1 or more.

       She has seen a hematologist/oncologist (blood and cancer specialist), and a pediatric orthopedic. The verdict has been to continue redoing blood work so we can follow her white blood cell count, and if the pain in her leg/side continues to come back and her cell count is still low, we will have to do a bone scan. It is so sad and frustrating to be playing this waiting game and honestly exhausting, both emotionally and physically. She is such a happy baby, even in spite of everything. She can have a fever of 103 with an IV in the hospital and she will still smile and giggle for us. Even when she is cranky and unwell, while obviously uncomfortable she won't let it put a frown on her face.

         We are waiting to have blood work done again in the next week, and then we will be talking with the doctors once again. We just have to keep praying and trust that God knows what is going on, and that He is ultimately in control. No one ever said that was easy though.

         3. My seizures and anxiety attacks.

    Obviously things are a little chaotic. That makes sense. What doesn't make sense is that nothing we do or have tried has helped my seizure in the least. I'm having episodes regularly every other day or so, often several times in a day. They are very painful, sometimes scary, sometimes incredibly embarrassing, and always a pain in my butt. Sometimes I just want to stomp my foot and scream for a good while in pure exasperation.

     I think the hardest part of dealing with this, is that I have lost hope for ever getting better and I feel like I'm constantly letting my husband, daughter and family down. I know that not a soul holds it against me, but I know that it is super inconvenient some days. It is so frustrating that I have to rely on other people for simple things, that I have to live with my family, that sometime I can't let my husband sleep when he really needs it because my body is a freak of nature. I am carrying so much guilt. I know that I don't need to, and I'm trying really hard not to, but, well...it's really hard. (Note: My husband is super wonderful and supportive to me through all of this and never does or says anything to make me feel bad about it. I really couldn't have asked for a more understanding and encouraging husband and best friend. Having him by my side really does help ease the struggle.)

      I really don't want to fully accept the idea that I may never overcome these. But in any case, God may be asking me to do just that. We are starting to ask questions like, 'if this is going to be a lifestyle how can we make this work for us, and what are things we can do to help.' One of our ideas has been to look into getting a puppy to train and certify as a seizure alert, and aid dog. We aren't anticipating that a puppy will solve everything, but possibly give me a little independence and security when I'm out in public, and may help therapeutically relieve stress and anxiety. We are also starting to think and figure out in what ways we can make this work for us so that we can someday live on our own.

(As much as I love my family, it is really difficult living among them everyday all the time, without a separate living space of our own. They can be...well, like Wolfes; a hyper, howling, hungry pack of chaos.  I might have an ulcer from trying to keep people quiet while praying the baby can sleep through the laughter, stomping, running and yelling.) *** Dear Family, if you are reading this, please know that you are truly wonderful and I have been so grateful for your help and support and the love and kindness you have given us, but lets face it, you guys can be a little crazy. ;) I love you!


       So long story-stories short, it's been kind of an overwhelming several weeks. With upcoming changes (maybe, hopefully), unknown illnesses, and dealing with my health, it's left me a little tired and worn. I'm continually reminded that trusting God isn't a one time commitment,  it is really an ongoing, every day, every time I want to cry choice. 'Will I trust You? Even though I don't know what is going to happen, will I trust You? Even if things don't go my way, Will I trust You?' I'm really walking a life-time journey of choosing God and bringing Him my worries and fears daily, moment by moment.

       So if I'm not writing a lot lately, you can bet I'm either changing diapers, trying to sleeping, or sitting on my bed room floor with my bible, praying that God will help me choose to trust Him. So thanks for your patience...even though you pretty much didn't have a choice. ;)



End of Post.

I hope that wasn't too unbearable
.

Love,
Leah

A Word From the Husband-

A few words from the husband- Alex Jaffrey


              When Leah asked me to write for her blog I was flattered. She is one of the most gifted writers I know, anyone who wants to argue with me about that can fight me ;) . But there was also a little fear. I haven’t written in quite some time. I’ll be honest, it feels good. It feels as if I’m reacquainting myself with a long lost friend, one that I’ve shared my deepest feelings and dreams with. And then I get to this point of where I’m like, “Now what? What do I write about?” So here goes nothing.

               In the beginning, our marriage was one of the most magical and blissful things I’ve ever experienced. It was like I had been walking through life with only one shoe, all the while searching everywhere for another that would fit perfectly. The relief to finally find that shoe, (I can feel the stare I’m getting from my wife for comparing her to a lost shoe) was so incredible and debilitating that my body shut down into a bliss coma. Nothing else mattered after those vows were said. It was me and her, officially, against the world. I would have no other on my team. 

              Our first prayer said together as a married couple was merely asking God to challenge our lives, to show to others how great and magnificent He was through our trials and tribulations. Seems simple enough right? I mean we both knew that we would be tested and tried time and time again by Him- that’s kind of the basis to Faith. How little we knew then. If I had a time machine, part of me believes I’d go back and shove a sock in my mouth to prevent me uttering those words. But honestly, I wouldn’t change a thing that’s happened.

              If you guys have followed Leah’s blogs from the beginning, then you know pretty much how hard it has been. Between losing babies, getting sick, her having seizures, me working a lot, our precious baby being sick, and me being injured has led me to think that God truly does answer prayers. There is no other way to explain everything that has happened in the past two years. As hard as everything was and has been, it seems to be getting easier.

            In the beginning, heck even now, I struggled with the whole mentality of being a bachelor. It’s hard to finally live with a partner when you’ve been living on your own. I thank God every day that my lovely and beautiful wife hasn’t killed me yet. It’s taken countless arguments and tears being shed to make me realize and truly change. But that’s the beautiful thing about love and marriage, it’s all about forgiveness and the desire to bless your partner with everything you have to give. 

           It seems to me that without these trials that we have experienced, we would still be those young kids that see the world as young kids do. I definitely feel like we have grown stronger. Two years sure doesn’t seem like a long time to most people, but it’s felt like ten to me (in a good way). I’m really not sure where I’m going with this, other than to possibly encourage anyone who is reading my rambling that no matter what happens, or how hard it gets there’s always light at the end of the tunnel. If you are struggling with something or someone, just know that it is a season. God gives us trials to temper and mold us into the children He designed. And if you don’t believe in Him, I’m sorry. I know hands down that without God, I would not have survived these past couple of years. 

          This isn’t me saying to you that you have to believe in God. I’m not forcing anything on you, I’m only stating that He has helped me to be who I am today, and I pray that He helps me every day for the rest of my life. So maybe next post that I have, assuming that Leah lets me post again, I can go into detail. This literally is the first time I’ve written more than a paragraph in like two years, so thanks for powering through it! And remember, if you didn’t know this already, beards are awesome. :)

-Alex J.